Tag Archives: travel

The Hook’s Aluminum Rules of Travel: Part Three.

And now… on with the show! Six)  For Dog’s sake, don’t fight with your spouse/partner/random hook-up. Yes, traveling can be as stressful and as uncomfortable as watching a dirty movie with your mother-in-law, but directing your frustration at your partner … Continue reading

Posted in Hotel Life | Tagged , , , , , | 8 Comments

The Hook’s Alunimum Rules of Travel: Part Two.

And the madness continues… Nine)  With the possible exception of your DNA, never leave anything behind.  Anyone who has ever traveled with a small child – or an extremely regressed adult – will tell you that the worst possible fate … Continue reading

Posted in Hotel Life | Tagged , , , | 13 Comments

The Hook’s Aluminum Rules of Travel: Part One.

(What? You think I can afford gold on a bellman’s salary?)   “I want you to be nice.. until it’s time to… not be nice.” – The late Patrick Swayze as James Dalton in the 1989 white trash classic flick, … Continue reading

Posted in Hotel Life | Tagged , , , , , , , | 34 Comments

“What’s So Great About Being A Bellboy?”

I may be the boldest bellman since Tim Roth in that ridiculously-awesome final scene of Four Rooms… but credit where it’s due: most of the time I’m merely reacting to the madness around me. And that madness is brought to … Continue reading

Posted in Hotel Life | Tagged , , , , , , , | 39 Comments

The Ultimate Travel Tip: NEVER Try To Negotiate With A Working Girl.

You’re a chuckling right now, but trust me, right now, somewhere in America, there is a man with extremely damaged testicles who can attest to the value of my advice. This poor, deluded, dumb-ass schmuck actually attempted to renegotiate the … Continue reading

Posted in Hotel Life | Tagged , , , , , , | 31 Comments

I’m Not Customer Support, People!

But that doesn’t mean guests don’t think I have all the answers. It has to be the glasses. And the pasty, white guy complexion And the tech support demeanor. Either way, people ask me a lot of questions and so … Continue reading

Posted in Hotel Life | Tagged , , , , , | 46 Comments

God Bless The Specials.

The Window Lickers. The Stupids. The Inbred Morons. Call them what you will, but encountering the folks who stumble about to the beat of their own psychotic drummer is the best part of being a bellman. The Specials can take … Continue reading

Posted in Hotel Life | Tagged , , , , , | 24 Comments