A Day In The Life. (Or At Least A Piece Of One.)

On a typically atypical Wednesday morning I made my way to the hotel’s mid-tower and knocked on one of the press-board doors that separate the inmates from those of us that try to run this particular asylum, not having any idea what awaited me.

Little did I know the sweetest Crasian (crazy Asian) to ever visit North America was prepared to provide me with some of the best blog fodder a blogging bellman could ever ask for. She was ten New York City phone books high, with hair as black as night and eyes as bright as the North star.

And an attitude to match.

This is one of those times where my limitations as a writer prevent me from conveying the stereotypical nature and sheer hilarity of an accent, but I’ll do my best.

“OH HELLO!” she welcomed me warmly and LOUDLY, something I’m truly not used to after two decades of dealing with guests that barely have a heartbeat before noon, never mind a sunny (and loud/proud) disposition.

“I have a cooler! Veeerry heavy, so I help you!” were the next thick words to fall from her lips like a thousand-pound weight.

I assured her I could handle her cooler and did so immediately, a feat that pleased her more than I ever could have imagined.


I have to admit, I nearly dropped the cooler as I stifled my laughter. My newest fan then proceeded to follow me to her second room down the hall, shouting, “SUPERMAN! SUPERMAN!” the whole way. Four of her traveling companions were equally entertaining; tying their backpacks to the cart in order to prevent any upsets and generally fussing over the care their belongings would receive from “Superman” as he stored them for the day.

At any rate, the Crasians went about their day and I eagerly awaited their return. The entire group, which had swelled to about fifteen by the end of the day (did they spontaneously reproduce while down by the Falls, I wonder?) eventually returned and directed me to their ginormous van in a cacophony of voices. I unloaded (and untied) their bags, that infamous cooler and boxes of Asian cuisine and then awaited my gratuity, curious to see what sort of tip a superhero garnered.

My little Crasian lady handed me two American dollars as though they were bars of gold.

“I’m guessing Spider-Man would’ve earned at least a five, miss.” was my patented Hook-style retort. Fortunately, her good nature prevailed and she found my Canadian sarcasm amusing.

“You no Spider-Man… You Superman!”

You’re damn right I am.

See you in the lobby, kids…

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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34 Responses to A Day In The Life. (Or At Least A Piece Of One.)

  1. I thought Asians were good tippers. Maybe your tip was being tagged as superman!

  2. Next time tell her you are actually Deadpool. Might improve the tipping. Or scare her away.

  3. When I went to Geneva, Luxembourg and Milan on business, I was told not to tip anyone or allow anyone to handle my luggage. My boss did the tipping, and we had a real laugh when we realised her generosity of several thousand lira equated to about 70p. Our bellhop (about sixty) saw the funny side and still helped us!

  4. Too many laughs. She figured she paid you in humor.

  5. Theresa says:

    Wow! You were screwed! I’d have looked at that $2 tip in my hand for a long time, then back at them with a look like “REALLY”??? You’re a better person than me. I delivered Pizza’s part time for about 2 years while trying to get my finances in order and I can tell you that I have given back a short tip like that saying, you keep it, obviously you need it more than I”. Which usually gets me more of a reasonable tip in the end. I remember 1 time I had to go up 3 flights of steps with 14 steps in each flight while juggling 6 pizza’s and 6 styrofoam cups of Coke only to get a .05 cent tip. I gave it back to them needless to say! And I NEVER delivered to them again, I let the rookies’ get screwed.

  6. Good line there Hook

  7. awtytravels says:

    One must wonder why an Asian tourist has to take a cooler with her; unless it was full of Georgian (the country) wines bought dirt cheap and smuggled into Canada under the eyes of the Customs I don’t quite get the need for it… but hey

    • The Hook says:

      She could’ve been an Asian-Canadian; there are a ton of them that live in Toronto.
      But I don’t question these things that lead to blogging gold.

  8. List of X says:

    I’m still trying to figure out whether by “attitude to match” you meant her attitude matched the darkness of night, the brightness of the North star, or the New York City phone books.

  9. Doug in Oakland says:

    Perhaps you were supposed to transform them into twenties with your x-ray vision…

  10. StillWaters says:

    Wow, Hook, I’m such a boring hotel guest in comparison to what you see. Check in, head to my room, break out the scotch, get some ice, simmer. No blog fodder here. Having typed that, still waters do run deep 😉

  11. Tara says:

    Still blogging gold. Sorry you got screwed. Worst is, she did it with a smile. Clearly she wasn’t one of those Crazy Rich Asians. I particularly love the “10 NYC phonebooks high.”

  12. Jennie says:

    Well, didn’t she have a quick and rather nasty comeback. Superman deserves more than Spider-Man. He’s been around much longer. He’s the original Superhero.

  13. Yikes. I wanna laugh, but really, I’m MAD. That’s no way to treat SUPERMAN. She should be ashamed of herself. May she never find anyone ever again to carry her cooler. ;-0

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