I’ve been doing my best (mostly) to dissuade you, my fellow humans, from taking your own lives but let’s assume for a moment that my skills don’t really extend beyond packing a luggage cart like a boss while extracting a sizable gratuity from a guest’s wallet.
In other words, what if I fail?
Let’s say you’ve just can’t take it anymore; you’re too much in this world and it’s time to take matters into your own hands. That’s all well and good but what about the possibility of consequences of an eternal nature?
#38: What If There’s A Hell?
I’m not a religious man though I have spent some years attending services at various churches intermittently, but I have to believe there’s a higher power at work in the universe. That said, the last few years have led me to the inescapable conclusion that God’s pretty much a dick.
He constantly beats us down with his weather wrath, but He doesn’t unleash enough of it to balance the world out by evening up the population. He allows the Kardashians to continue to exist and procreate. Our elected (apparently) leaders are out of control. The bees are going extinct. Dogs and cats really are living in sin. It’s the mass hysteria that Bill Murray predicted we’d experience decades ago. Of course, all that may be our own doing but I’m blaming the Big Guy instead.
So if an All-Mighty Creator exists, it stands to reason that an Infernal Soul does as well, right?
And if the Devil is real then so is his domain, where, if every priest, nun, and other religious zealot I’ve ever met is right, your eternal soul will face eternal judgement. Now, I don’t know about you, but I refuse to take a chance on eternal damnation, even if the source is suspect to say the least. I mean, sure, the modern-day church has its share of PR problems, but the stakes are too high to roll the dice.
That said, do I believe for a second that my friend’s soul is writhing in agony since he left this world of his own accord? Hell no. My friend is and always will be one of the kindest, most genuine souls I’ve ever been blessed enough to know, and he’s in a warm place all right: A Heavenly version of his beloved Aruba not the pits of damnation.
But you may not be so lucky.
None of us are without sin, it’s true, but most of those sins are bush league when placed in the big picture. However, when you combine those sins with the supposed “crime” of suicide, you’re stacking the deck against yourself. Sure, these days most religious figures will tell you that Heaven is still an option if you take your own life – but that’s only because many of them are so messed up they don’t want to acknowledge Hell’s existence at all, since they’re likely to wind up there.
So the long and short of it is this: No one really knows what lies beyond the veil so why take the chance? It may suck most of the time but life here on the mortal plane beats some dude with a pitchfork stabbing you endlessly while you’re forced to watch every press conference Sarah Sanders ever gave on an eternal loop.
school alive, kids.
See you in the lobby, friends…