The Hook On… Weddings.

Life is all about perspective.

Take today’s subject for example. if you’re walking through a hotel and you see a wedding party you may think, “Ah, isn’t that sweet? Two souls pledging their souls to one another.” Or you may think, “Those poor, deluded fools! They have no idea what they’re doing to themselves, do they?”

As a bellman I have a rather unique perspective when it comes to weddings. And yes, in case you were wondering (and I know you were) I intend to share that point of view now.

Aren’t you the luckiest readers alive?

Here are five reasons why bellmen such as myself shudder when we serve wedding parties.


ONE)  Support Staff.  Florists. Bakers. Creators of bizarre balloon creations. Ice sculpture… people. Planners. Hookers. (Yes, even them.) Anyone outside the immediate wedding party who is a working-class dog like me should have more respect for their fellow wage slaves.

But they often don’t.

I recognize that serving the public – especially the marrying kind – isn’t easy, to say the least, but come on, people! It’s one of the most basic rules we’re taught as wee rugrats: Do unto others as you would have done to you. (This applies in the bedroom as well.) This is pretty much primal stuff, kids, but many of us just can’t grasp it. Even hookers can’t grasp it.

And hookers certainly know how to grasp things, to say the least…

Yes, I even deal with rude hookers who have been brought in as “wedding presents”, a practice that is more common than you’d ever believe. (Personally, I was happy with a deep fryer.)

The main problem with florists and bakers is their lack of vision. They literally don’t see hotel employees as equals; they waltz into the lobby (sometimes they even walk) and just expect me to hand over a cart, the most important tool I have, and leave myself short as hundreds of guests pour into the hotel like a hungry zombie horde.

It doesn’t work that way, bitches. Hookey don’t play that.

Did I pull that off?

And yes, she did say that, thank you very much.

Bottom line, I’ll treat anyone with respect, even if they disrespect me once. But if they disrespect me twice? Well then, all bets are off.


TWO)  Mother-in-laws. Yes, even bellmen hate them. Though to be clear, they’re easier to deal with when you’re not actually related to them. If I have to tell a mother-in-law to drop dead (in a roundabout manner, of course) I don’t have to worry about hearing about it for the rest of my life.

In fairness, I haven’t dealt with too many crazy in-laws over the years, but the encounters I have had tend to linger in the memory banks. Like a venereal disease of the mind.

I paint with words, don’t I?

Many mother-in-laws feel they have to take charge of their child’s wedding by terrorizing hotel staff; I’ve seen banquet staff reduced to tears – and not just females.


THREE)  Wedding dresses.  This may sound silly, but hang in there; all will be clear in a moment. Come to think of it, I told the wife the exact same thing on our honeymoon…

All right, enough reminiscing. Here’s the deal: Wedding dresses are beautiful to look at – but they’re a nightmare to transport on a luggage cart. They take up far too much room and they hang off the ends and the sides of the cart. And if you happen to get one dirty or wrinkled? Well, then you better kiss your boy parts goodbye, man… because you’re dead.


FOUR)  The Money Factor.  Let’s face it, money makes the world go round. In my line of work, cash is king. But if you’re a bellman serving a wedding party you better get used to being a pauper.

Most wedding parties don’t realize they’re being charged for the services of the Banquets Department – and only the Banquets Department. Bellmen don’t receive jack squat from a wedding unless someone pulls out some cold hard currency, but since we’re the first point of contact for arriving guests, it falls to us to transport dresses, tuxedos, gifts (so, so many gifts) luggage, booze (so much booze) and every other item imaginable. Usually for free.

I get it, weddings are ridiculously-over-priced these days. Luckily, the wife and were smart enough to go to city hall and bank the cash instead of setting fire to it metaphorically. But just because you’re paying through the nose to get married doesn’t mean you get to treat everyone around you like dirt. Do your homework; get the best price you can, be reasonable in your expectations and for Dog’s sake, know where your hard-earned money is going. And to whom.

And finally, here’s the number one reason bellmen fear weddings like Kim Kardashian fears an insurance investigator…


FIVE)  Brides.  Sure, some grooms can be total dicks, I’ll happily admit it. But after eighteen-plus years of serving the public I can honestly say Bridezillas are the deadliest of the species. I love women, but ladies put so much pressure on themselves to craft the “PERFECT WEDDING” that anything less is unacceptable and often leads to a meltdown of unbelievably-epic proportions.


Still don’t believe me?

Time for a list-with-a-list then! Here are the top five bride meltdowns I’ve witnessed in my nearly two decades as a bellman.

1)  The “Criminal”.  This bride arrived on a Friday with her “true love” – and left on a Sunday… with zip-ties around her wrists. And a couple of officers from the Niagara Regional Police as “escorts”.  Her soulmate left with his arm around a still-drunk bridesmaid who was doing her best to console his genitals.

I still don’t know what precipitated her criminal act. But the whole thing was still awesome.

Okay, so this was more of a breakdown rather than meltdown, I suppose.

But it still counts.


2)  “The Smasher”.  This chick was most displeased with the way her wedding plans were unfolding (or rather, unraveling) so she went medieval on the room. And the ice machine. And the limo. Honestly, this broad should train up-and-coming rock stars on how to properly decimate a hotel room.

beyonce6She actually preceded Queen B…


3)  The “Weeper”.  She couldn’t stop crying. For two days. She cried happy tears. She cried sad tears. Se cried when we ran out of bags of milk for the ginormous milk machine in the breakfast hall.

Okay, I have to admit, that machine was pretty cool… I cried too.


break4)  “The Wailer”.  This young lady’s parents refused to attend her nuptials after a breakdown in communication with her soon-to-be-in-laws led to a family-wide brawl in the lobby. So she began to wail like a child with a broken toy, pausing only to catch her breath. This went on for two hours until we finally convinced her parents an din-laws were nuts anyway, so she was better off.

Oh, and we got her blind stinking drunk too. That certainly helped.


5)  “The Rocky”.  She punched every bridesmaid in the face. At the reception. Where she was, to the best of my knowledge, stone cold sober. I don’t think anyone should have told her that her new husband slept with every bridesmaid during the six months they were broken up. Just sayin’…


There you have it, kids, my wedding post. Almost twenty years of tales from the hospitality trenches condensed into a single piece of… blogging gold. And as usual, I didn’t have to embellish a darn thing.

See you in the lobby…


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A Murdoch Mystery Revisited.

My first thought when I began this review of the Murdoch Mysteries Season Ten episode, A Study In Pink?

“Makes sense, ‘A Study In Scarlet’ was already taken.”

Written in 1886 by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle but published a year later, A Study In Scarlet gave us Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson, the most famous detecting duo in history – until Detective William Murdoch met Constable George Crabtree, of course. Murdoch Mysteries has proudly carried on Doyle’s legacy for ten seasons (and even featured a version of the author on more than one occasion) and shows no signs of losing steam. So let’s get to today’s list shall we? Here are a few reasons why I have once again concluded (after a sixty-minute investigation) that MM is one of the finest television dramas ever produced.

ONE)  The Trackizer and Constable Henry Higgins hard at work – even though he has no clue what he’s doing. One of the greatest joys of watching MM is seeing William’s mind at work. His inventions could make him a very rich man but he prefers to use his genius to bring ne’er-do-wells to justice. And we get to see Prop Monkey’s real life genius at work as well. Plus, Lachlan Murdoch’s Higgins rocks. Period.

That’s what we call a “win-win” in the TV blogging game, kids.


page-breakTWO)  Freddie Pink.  Seeing a shout-out to William’s past – especially in the form of the delightful Alex Paxton-Beesley – is always welcome, but Freddie is far from a mere plot device. Ms. Pink is spunky (to the max), obstinate, smart as a turn-of-the-century whip and most of all, she’s a strong, fully-developed female character.

At this point in MM’s history spin-offs are a given. Freddie Pink could definitely carry her own show, especially in this day and age of girl power’s growing popularity.

Well done, CBC and Murdoch scribes.



page-breakTHREE)  The Truthizer.  Once again, William’s inventions rock. And by using the Truthizer and Freddie Pink the MM team has satisfied fans’ hunger for continuity. I’m a stickler for continuity. Too bad Dragons Den didn’t exist in 1904…


FOUR)  A genuinely-well-developed mystery.  The twists and turns (literally) presented in A Study In Pink were as brilliant as ever. Another classic Murdoch Mysteries episode expertly presented. With shades of Kindergarten Cop, even!


FIVE)  Less is more.  It took twenty-two minutes for Julia to show up. The Inspector – and his awesome wife – were nowhere to be seen. This episode was tightly-constructed – and I loved it. The MM team made A Study In Pink a study in how to make a TV mystery-drama seem epic with only a handful of regulars and a seemingly-simple plot.

And that’s it, my fellow Murdochians. This was a tightly-written episode so it’s only fitting the review follow suit.

See you on the CBC next week, kids…

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Hey, Kid? Wanna Be In Pictures?

There are many facets to the motion picture biz, folks.

It’s not just about the action unfolding onscreen or even the director and his team behind the cameras and in the editing bays. Sometimes it takes an army of strangers coming together to achieve a common goal using the greatest resource they have.

Namely, cold hard cash.

Did lose you at the mention of cash? Still here?

Good. Now before you click away and go watch eight hours of cat videos on YouTube, I have good news! For a small contribution – money that might have gone to a single dinner or a NetFlix payment – you can actually help make a film instead of just watching one.

As a bellman I’ve had the pleasure of working with several gifted individuals over the years, some of whom have gone on to bring their visions to life.

And then there’s the two guys who need your help today. These yahoos defy description and they could use our help today. Click on Timothy Moran’s Twitter feed and you’ll meet a cool cat who lives for all things cinematic. (And who has the coolest laugh since they brought the Riddler to life on the Sixties Batman series.)

The Hour of Our Death isn’t just an upbeat title, it refers to short film centered on events in Upper Canada during the early spring of 1812. The Hour of Our Death is a haunting portrait (literally) of life, death and the inevitable change that was brought to North America during the early 1800’s. When two British soldiers on a scouting mission make camp for the night, an unexpected visitor brings tidings of war and visions of a continent on knife’s edge. While remaining a work of fiction, this historically detailed story is an important look at the choices that shaped North America.  

During the ‘War of 1812’ the Niagara Region was home to nearly three years of brutal violence, bloodshed and hatred that changed the landscape of both Canada and America forever. The lives of families on both sides of the border were torn asunder as two emerging nations both sought to claim this land for themselves. The ‘War of 1812’ is now synonymous with present day ghosts and hauntings born from the immeasurable suffering and death which occurred at the hands of the British and American Soldiers. Today, the Niagara Region is filled with more ghost stories and encounters than anywhere else in Canada.


But bringing these tales to life requires funding, folks, and that’s where you come into the equation. You can help regular folks like yourself bring their vision to life without having to jump through hoops for big studios and movie execs who, let’s face it, are virtually impossible to reach anyway.

Click here and help bring The Hour of Our Death to cinematic “life”.

Crowdfunding is the future of film making, kids, so don’t be left behind in the past. You’ll even get some cool perks for your contribution and you can tell your friends – and that jerk Johnson at work – that you’re an indie filmmaker. How cool is that? You may now return to your cat videos.

See you in the lobby, friends…


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Murdoch Monday – On a Tuesday.

Life is all about balance.

And perspective. And control… Okay, so life is actually about many things. But right now, though, I’m going to concentrate on balance, all right?

“Great Balls of Fire: Part Two”, the second episode of Murdoch Mysteries’ tenth season was all about balance.

Lives in peril. Lives destroyed. Mystery and murder most foul. (Naturally.) Romance. Intrigue. Sex. (Only a little though; this is still CBC after all.) Turn-of-the-century police work. Archival footage of an actual tragedy. Action. Humor. In another production team’s collective hands these wildly-varying factors could have spelled disaster when mixed, but the MM team is no common television production team.

This episode was a textbook case of a group of individuals, actors and behind-the-scenes professionals specifically, working together for a common goal. Namely, to produce an hour of TV that took its viewers on a ride through the gamut of human emotions. In this regard they excelled to say the least.

Anyone who has ever read this blog knows I love lists, right? They go down smooth and they allow readers to digest information quickly thus eliminating the possibility of mental constipation.

They don’t make Pepto for your brain, kids. cu-8ziiwaaaehmw

Here now are ten reasons why “Great Balls of Fire: Part Two” was so enjoyable. If you haven’t watched the episode you can click away now. Don’t say you weren’t warned…


ONE)  Dr. Julia Ogden in mortal peril. Julia is no mere damsel-in-distress, to say the least, but still, it’s nice to be reminded that she’s one-half of one of the greatest television couples of all time. Seeing her imperiled from time to time reminds us why we love seeing her and William together in the first place; they personify destiny at its finest.

And Julia’s moral quandary was just the icing on a delicious TV cake. Just sayin’…


TWO)  Archival footage of The Great Fire of Toronto of 1904. Seeing history mixed expertly with new footage was both thrilling and heartbreaking. It allowed viewers – especially new ones – to establish an emotional connection to the episode. And that, kids, is television at its most powerful.


THREE)  Constable Higgins mental anguish. I’m not especially fond of seeing human beings – even fictional ones – suffering but seeing Henry Higgins ponder his possible role in an event that changed his city forever was a nice change of pace from the character’s usual role of comic relief. We saw henry as a real person for once and that was nice.


FOUR)  A truly clever mystery. I don’t know about you, my fellow Murdochians, but I really had no idea who the murderer was and that was refreshing.

And speaking of murder…


FIVE)  When a debutante was seized from behind, her throat slashed, her blood spilled across a Toronto street in the dead of night (literally) my first thought was, “Are we looking at Jack the Ripper reborn on Murdoch Mysteries?” The fact that it occurred right before the commercial break heightened the suspense and left me temporarily breathless. Thankfully, I came to before the show resumed…

imagesOh look, Julia, The Hook’s writing about us again. How delightful…


 SIX)  George Crabtree’s super-sexy, turn-of-the-century stripper girlfriend. Hey, I’m a guy. No apologies. She’s most likely going to break Crabtree’s heart – but he’s certainly used to that sort of thing by now. In the meantime, she’s drop-dead gorgeous and cute as a vintage button.


SEVEN)  Classic Murdoch detective work and action. He followed the clues, consulted the Inspector and Julia, drilled a hole in the wall of an expensive hotel room, and finally… the “killer” (how complicit the young debutante in question was in the murders of her competitors is up for debate) revealed herself.


EIGHT)  Constable George Crabtree’s cocky attitude. “I think you’ll give me your affections for free now.” Or something like that. The point is, Crabtree has gone from a brokenhearted puppy to an alpha dog in a few episodes. I just hope he isn’t being set up for yet another fall…


NINE)  Higgins’ return to form. Yes. I’m contradicting myself, but Higgins’s role as comic relief works best for the character – it just gets tiring sometimes so his earlier change of pace was to nice to see but only for awhile.break

TEN)  The house that Murdoch built. I can’t wait to see Detective William Murdoch invent solar panels! On a policeman’s salary, of course…


Finally, two points.

One:  I don’t care if it was meant in jest – which it was – having a stripper do a firefighter routine days after the Great Fire of 1904 was not cool.

Two:  William’s burglarizing “celebrity status”. I loved it when a witness acknowledged Murdoch’s growing reputation in Toronto. It’s about time; he’s been busting bad guys for ten season for Pete’s sake!

And there you have it, another Murdoch Mysteries recap/review by The Hook. You’re welcome. See you next week…

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This Is Not A Post. However…

Since I feel obligated to provide you with mental stimulation on a semi-regular basis here is a tidbit to tide you over until someone out there on the world wide web responds to a series of 5×5 questions I’ve posed to them.

Come on, Jenn Valentyne, Hélène Joy, Mercedes Carrera, Donald Trump (among others) get on that!

All right, so Trump is a long shot… but he’ll have more time once he goes down in flames, right?

In the meantime, check out the little item below:

We get all sorts of guest packages in the Bell Room, the contents of which often remain a mystery. Occasionally we get to crack them open in order to deliver the contents to ungrateful corporate guests who reward us with a minuscule delivery fee and more snark than you can shake a corporate handbook at. There are even rare occasions where a package goes unclaimed for months and we get to divvy up the contents.

Of course, there’s never anything cool inside, like a still-beating human heart or a sonic death ray, but you can’t have everything, right?

In this particular case it was the package itself rather than the contents that provided the boys in the Bell Room with hours of enjoyment. They sliced a piece of that cardboard box apart and slapped it up on the wall amidst the dozens of Blue Jays clippings they’ve used to wallpaper our little filthy corner of the hotel. Now I get to hear, “You’re one fragile, Hook, Hook!” a dozen times a day.

Yes, working for a living is the most fun you can have without the introduction of pornography, alcohol, hallucinogenic drugs or Cheez Wiz, it’s true.

See you in the lobby, kids…

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Bloody Hell, Murdoch! Your Opener was Marvelous!

The tenth season of most scripted television shows is usually a tired affair, with the cast and crew simply going through the motions.

One thought looped through my loopy brain while watching the tenth season opener of Murdoch Mysteries:

“Wow, it looks like they’re just getting started.”

Yes, it is safe to assume I’m a Murdoch mega-fan, thank you so much for noticing.

I realize we all have important lives to get back to (I myself have several household repairs to get to before the wife redoes them properly) so I’ll be brief. Here are ten reasons, in my not-so-humble opinion, why the MM Season Ten opener, Great Balls of Fire: Part One, rocked harder than Justin Trudeau on a selfie spree. 

murdoch_website_headers10breakONE)  The cast has gelled together like superglue in the middle of the Arctic. Yannick Bisson’s opening banter with Jonny Harris was a master’s class in thespian execution. They killed it in the best possible way.

And Inspector Brackenreid’s intervention, failed as it was, on Julia’s behalf was both heartwarming and breaking simultaneously.

breakTWO)  Constable George Crabtree’s utterly pathetic love life.

His “true love” became a lesbian after leaving him for a cad.

His next sweetheart ran away with her murdering offspring.

Then he met a stripper with a heart of gold whose brother is a maybe-not-so-reformed criminal.

His story is a joy to watch, but Crabtree’s pretty much screwed when it comes to matters of the heart.

Of course, in the interim he banged the creator of Ann of Green Gables – but the writers still hate his guts apparently.


THREE)  Mouna Traoré as Rebecca James. She’s the coroner with the acid tongue, the lose-yourself-in-them eyes and more talent than a single episode can contain. Mouna had big shoes to fill on MM but she did it with gusto. Love this chick.



FOUR)  Awesome subplots. From Julia’s “haunting” by Eva Pearce to William’s search for the perfect land to construct the house that Murdoch built, there were several storylines that began amidst the main plot. I love that. Continuity is king, babies.


FIVE)  The nods to other worlds. From the bloody climax (ironically, it was used here as an opening) of Carrie to Mean Girls to The Selection book series – and even Firestarter – MMX looks like it’s being crafted by the same brilliant wordsmiths that gave us seasons one to nine.


SIX)  Bone-chilling mystery. You knew this was coming, right? After all, the show isn’t called, “Murdoch’s Turn-of-the-Century Gardening Tips”…

The MM season opener was filled with red herrings and murder most foul – and bloody good. Literally.


SEVEN)  Daiva Johnston as the evil dead hostess-with-the-mostess Eva Pearce. Okay, so technically she was never a hostess, but Johnston’s Eva Pearce is one cool villainous gold digger. Not only did she get to straddle Det. Murdoch after shooting his wife three times in last season’s finale, she gets to torment Dr. Ogden from beyond the grave in a stunning PTSD subplot.

Eva is truly the villain we love to hate. And when “Ghostly Eva” took a sip of booze last night, only to have it slowly drip out of her slashed neck? Well, I swear I had a religious moment. And it’s all thanks to…

maxresdefault“I can assure you Detective Murdoch, being kidnapped and straddled ‘against your will’ is most certainly not cheating. I’m sure your wife will understand..”



EIGHT)  Prop Monkey, MM’s in-house mad prop genius. Check out this guy’s Twitter feed and you’ll be hooked. (Yeah, I went there.) PM is underpaid, I’m sure – but he knocks it out of the CBC park every single weeks without fail. With a little help, I’m sure.



NINE)  Constable Henry Higgins. The writers were very heavy-handed in intimating that he’s going to be responsible for the Great Fire of 1904, but Higgins is a lovable goofball whose continued presence on the Toronto Constabulary is a mystery. Of course, as with all things Murdoch, it is a wonderful mystery to behold.


TEN)  It was a cliffhanger! When executed properly, these things are the best!

In closing, my love for Murdoch Mysteries is well-documented on this blog and so I hope you’ll forgive me for indulging yet again. If not, it’s my blog, my rules.

See you in the lobby – and on the CBC at eight on Monday nights – kids…

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5×5 With The Hook: Vanessa de Largie.

Vanessa de Largie uses her writing voice to “speak” her mind.

Luckily for us, what’s on Vanessa de Largie’s mind is sex.

Not wearing a bra. Double penetration. Threesomes. Double-blowjobs. Swallowing during oral sex. (Though to be clear, I guess I should’ve said, “swallowing at the climax of oral sex”.) point is, Vanessa is fearless in her life (she’d make a sexy Green Lantern) and especially when it comes to writing about S-E-X – and it makes her prose unforgettable. This chick’s been featured in, among others, The Sydney Morning Herald, Penthouse, The Huffington Post (they hate my Canadian guts, so I’m insanely jealous) The Daily Herald, Maxim, The Vocal – and now, my blog.

Yes, the mightily-sexy have truly fallen…

Sex-columnist. Journalist. Actress. Author. Owner and operator of one of the coolest personal cyber-homes on the web. Champion sumo wrestler. (She won the title in Ethiopia but it still counts. Am I kidding? Who knows, it’s me!) Kick-ass blogger. Vanessa can literally do anything she sets her mind to, kids. Of course, she’s human (though I’m guessing she’s Amazon on her mother’s side) and she has to face the same challenges we all do.

The difference is that Vanessa has embraced her inner sexual explorer/adventurer, so she knows exactly how to relieve all the tension life heaps upon a human being in this day and age. Honestly, folks, never underestimate the value of an orgasm or ten. Good (I mean really, “I’m-going-blind!”-good) sex can make you feel invincible and that kind of empowerment can take you anywhere you want to go, kids.

Vanessa is an amazing woman who has inspired and rescued millions (I’m not a mathematician, just go with it) of people with her inner light and wisdom.

All right, enough foreplay! (Yes, I’m a guy, though to be honest, I do actually love the “warm-up” as much as the main event) Let’s get right to it, shall we?

ONE)  You appear to be fearless in the bedroom – or anywhere else you choose to get busy – but are there any sexual peaks you have yet to scale, young lady?

Great question!

(I knock one out of the park every once in a while.)

I’m sure there are many sexual peaks I’m yet to scale. That’s what I love about sex and erotica. The possibilities are endless. There’s always something more to learn and experience. One can always go deeper — harder. I guess I would like to explore sex more with women. I’m bisexual and have been with women singularly and in group dynamics. But I haven’t explored sex with women to the depth I have with men. I find sex with women incredibly sensual. I’d like to delve deeper into that part of myself.

(Okay, I must admit, my glasses fog up every time I read this answer. But Vanessa really is an articulate, fearless human, isn’t she?)


TWO)  If you could be any type of make-up what would you be? (Yes, my mind really is a special place, thank you very much.)

Hmm. Make-up? I think if I could be any type of make-up, I’d be red lipstick. I’m a bit obsessed with orifices. So being a cosmetic that goes on a mouth, sounds good.


THREE)  Why do you think so many of us fear the prospect of cutting loose when it comes to coitus?

People are repressed. People are terrified of letting go, of being vulnerable and being seen. I find refuge in coitus. I find escape in orgasm. When I’m not being fucked often and properly, I go stir-crazy. It’s not good for my mental health. I wish more people could let go and be true to themselves and their desires. It’s a fear worth pushing through.

(I’ll say! But seriously, Vanessa really is wise beyond her years. Incidentally, this is one of my favorite 5×5 answers of all time.)


FOUR)  What’s your go-to food after a long, hard day?

Can it be an alcoholic food-source? After a long hard day, I crave a glass of grape. Preferably a good red wine. Preferably Merlot.

(Hey, your interview, your rules, baby.)


FIVE)  National/global days of celebration are all the rage right now; if you could declare a “Day of Something’, what would it be?

I love this question. I was only thinking about this the other day, when I opened up Facebook and it told me that it was ‘World Smile Day’ and I thought WTF? Who had a meeting and decided this was a good idea? If I could declare a ‘day of something’, I’d officially declare ‘A Global Day of Fuck’. It would be a day for people around the world to focus on their sex lives.

(Wow. Why isn’t Vanessa de Largie running the world?)

break“Is this really necessary to ‘maintain the integrity of the interview’, Hook?”

And if you’re not in love with Vanessa’s work yet click on this article and you’ll see exactly why fate brought her into my orbit and onto this blog.

There you have it, friends, a brief glimpse into Vanessa de Largie’s magnificent world. I want to thank Australia’s sweetest resident for taking the time from her sexily-busy schedule to chat with us. I don’t know about you, but I could use a little of Vanessa’s open mindedness – and not just where copulation is concerned. Thanks for joining us today, everyone.

See you in the lobby, kids…


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