It’s been awhile since I shared any of my encounters in the trenches of hotel
hell heaven, so I’m going to open with a speech I usually save for slightly different situations but which applies here:
“This may not go as smoothly as you’d hoped. I may not be as adept as I one was but I can still guarantee your satisfaction by the climax. I hope.”
So yesterday afternoon I was returning to the guest elevators after finishing off another successful luggage call that ended exactly as such things should: with a few dollars in my frayed uniform pockets, when I crossed paths with a black family of four from the US. Incidentally, we have a new bellman from Jamaica who insists he is a black man not a “damn colored person”, so I’m going with black, not “African-American okay?
At any rate, here’s the unforgettable convo that followed between myself and Mom, Dad and two pre-teen lads.
PRE-TEEN LAD #1: Yo, you make a lot of money as a bellboy?
ME: I do all right… But that’s between us and not Revenue Canada, okay?
MOM: What’s Revenue Canada?
ME: Our version of your lovely IRS.
MOM: Oh! We hate those guys!
ME: Everyone does. Even those guys hate themselves.
PRE-TEEN LAD#2: Do all bellboys make a lot of coin?
MOM: You boys shouldn’t be asking this nice gentleman these questions.
ME: The nice gentleman doesn’t mind. And to answer your question, I can’t say how much other bellman make, all I can do is speak for myself.
PRE-TEEN LAD: 1: So why do you make sick coin?
ME: Oh, that’s easy. It’s because I’m a middle-aged, non-threatening white male. I’m the Wayne Brady of bellmen.
A round of shocked laughter abounded throughout the moving metal box we all found ourselves temporarily encased in.
Then things got… Well, you’ll see.
MOM: Wayne Brady? But he’s black!
DAD: Wayne Brady ain’t black! That nigga ain’t been black for years!
BOTH PRE-TEEN LADS: Yeah, mom, that nigga ain’t been black for years!
With that, we all exited the elevator as Mom rolled her eyes until she gave herself a headache, Dad beamed with pride at the attitude he had instilled in his lads, the leads were lads, and I grinned from ear to ear, knowing I had some nice, juicy blog fodder to serve up for my readers.
And now that I’ve taken a temporary reprieve from my summer hiatus, I bid you all adieu.
See you in the lobby, friends…