Summer “Fun” With The Hook.

It’s been awhile since I shared any of my encounters in the trenches of hotel hell heaven, so I’m going to open with a speech I usually save for slightly different situations but which applies here:

“This may not go as smoothly as you’d hoped. I may not be as adept as I one was but I can still guarantee your satisfaction by the climax. I hope.”

So yesterday afternoon I was returning to the guest elevators after finishing off another successful luggage call that ended exactly as such things should: with a few dollars in my frayed uniform pockets, when I crossed paths with a black family of four from the US. Incidentally, we have a new bellman from Jamaica who insists he is a black man not a “damn colored person”, so I’m going with black, not “African-American okay?

At any rate, here’s the unforgettable convo that followed between myself and Mom, Dad and two pre-teen lads.

PRE-TEEN LAD #1:  Yo, you make a lot of money as a bellboy?

ME:  I do all right… But that’s between us and not Revenue Canada, okay?

MOM:  What’s Revenue Canada?

ME:  Our version of your lovely IRS.

MOM:  Oh! We hate those guys!

ME:  Everyone does. Even those guys hate themselves.

PRE-TEEN LAD#2:  Do all bellboys make a lot of coin?

MOM:  You boys shouldn’t be asking this nice gentleman these questions.

ME:  The nice gentleman doesn’t mind. And to answer your question, I can’t say how much other bellman make, all I can do is speak for myself.

PRE-TEEN LAD: 1:  So why do you make sick coin?

ME:  Oh, that’s easy. It’s because I’m a middle-aged, non-threatening white male. I’m the Wayne Brady of bellmen.

A round of shocked laughter abounded throughout the moving metal box we all found ourselves temporarily encased in.

Then things got… Well, you’ll see.

MOM:  Wayne Brady? But he’s black!

DAD:  Wayne Brady ain’t black! That nigga ain’t been black for years!

BOTH PRE-TEEN LADS:  Yeah, mom, that nigga ain’t been black for years!

With that, we all exited the elevator as Mom rolled her eyes until she gave herself a headache, Dad beamed with pride at the attitude he had instilled in his lads, the leads were lads, and I grinned from ear to ear, knowing I had some nice, juicy blog fodder to serve up for my readers.

And now that I’ve taken a temporary reprieve from my summer hiatus, I bid you all adieu.

See you in the lobby, friends…