10 Terrible Things About Summer: Bellman Edition!

Yes, you’re still reading You’ve Been Hooked! Bear with me, okay?

I know how busy we all are this summer, so here is a quick – but hopefully enjoyable – read. I hope it brings you some respite from the heat (depending on where you’re reading this from, of course!) and other summer issues.

#10: THE HEAT!

Yes, this is an obvious one, especially this year! However, if you’ve ever spent a morning in a lobby with faulty air conditioning, especially if you’ve spent that morning listening to hundreds of tourists bitching their heads off about the heat, then you’d learn to hate Mother Nature too!

Of course it doesn’t help matters when you’re wearing a monkey suit that doesn’t “breathe” – in the least! I’ve lost track of the number of female guests that have felt my uniform and given me a “You poor baby… You must be dying!”

#9: PARKING GARAGES!

The only thing worse than a hot lobby? A ridiculously overheated parking structure. Try rolling a bell cart uphill (Yes, I sound like your grandpa. Get over it!) to the second floor where a lousy tip awaits you. There is an elevator, but its hotter than… Well, you know what.

#8: CRANKY MOMS!

Summer seems to really crank up the bitch factor where some of these ladies are concerned. Most of them forget just why they’re on vacation in the first place. I can only assume these gals haven’t read Fifty Shades of Grey….

#7: BUS TOURS.

Bus drivers that park at the end of the street – instead of directly in front of the hotel – are bad enough in the fall, but try dealing with them when you have to navigate the hordes of summer travelers just to reach them! That’s a fun time, let me tell you…

#6: CROWDED LOBBIES!

Yes, I need the very same tourists that fill my lobby and make it so difficult to get around for my livelihood, but they sure make it tough to pull a bell cart around and deliver luggage! My life is filled with irony, isn’t it?

Speaking of crowds, I just crossed paths with a “Daywalker Hooker”, a once-elusive creature that is becoming more and more common these days. Not only was she the embodiment of the Lolita archetype, she had one of those “How can she breathe in that?” outfits on and she outdid Alice Cooper in the mascara department! And she was even sucking a lollipop – slowly.

I wonder how much that cost the lollipop?

At any rate, I saw her roughly an hour later – which makes sense if you think about it – and she was carrying a duffel bag, which usually screams “drug mule”. Don’t say this blog isn’t educational kids….

I sort of drifted there, but you forgive me, right?

YES, THIS IS KIM KARDASHIAN, BUT I DOUBT ANY OF YOU ARE THAT BROKEN UP ABOUT IT, RIGHT?

#5: CROWDED DECKS!

Hotel decks, I mean, not the kind that serve drinks. Although, after a few hours of trying to avoid being run over on one kind of deck, you definitely need to visit the other! People tend to race though hotel decks with little regard for obstacles that may pop out randomly… Like bellman or children!

#4: NEW FACES BEHIND THE SCENES…

With summer comes the inevitable wave of temporary summer workers, many of whom are pretty cool to work with. Some of them, however, make me want to spend more time with the Cranky Moms….

#3: SUMMER BACHELORETTE PARTIES!

Dealing with hordes of hot, drunken females sound like a fun time to you guys out there? Trust me, they’re not as appealing in person! Especially the next day when they’re hung over. The last group I dealt with was especially nutty – and they were all pregnant! Let me tell you, those kids are in for a wild ride…

#2: WAITING…

Whether you’re waiting for elevators – the wait is much worse when you’re hot, sweaty, tired and frustrated – or you’re in line for your lunch – with tons of crazy tourists – the tedium of waiting is amped up considerably in the summer. To say the least.

#1: THE LONG HOURS…

Yes, summer is “Go Time!” if you’re a bellman, but even though the cash is great there is a price to be paid for the opportunity to earn it. All I want to do after an eleven-hour shift is go home and shower for sixty-minutes, eat a meal – preferably something cold – and maybe vomit.

But I have a wife and daughter who adore me… Okay, “adore” is a bit of a stretch, but they like me enough to want to spend time with me. But time is a precious commodity in the summer.

NOW AVAILABLE….

The “Look Inside!” feature is now active, so come take a look..

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About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
This entry was posted in Holidays, Hotel Employees, Hotel Life, Humor, Life, Postaweek2012, Social Commentary, Travel, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

53 Responses to 10 Terrible Things About Summer: Bellman Edition!

  1. Poor you. It’s not all bad man.

  2. Jennifer says:

    so many places to go with that list… lollypops, (reminds me of Nickleback’s song Something in your mouth, but I digress), imagine if you weren’t married, all those ‘poor baby’ could be turned right on its head. And yeah, i’d be a cranky mum but only coz I hate the humidity.
    Also, how is it that this hotel has numerous/many bellman but cannot afford to fix their aircon?? dimwitted management sitting in their offices prob have no idea it’s even broken…

  3. Woman says:

    Oh Mister Hook you are a certainly a character!!!!

    Vomit in the Autumn.

  4. Jo Bryant says:

    Oh they adore you all right…

  5. Another entertaining post. Love that cover!

  6. Haven’t read this post yet, my friend. Just wanted to let you know The Bellman Chronicles arrived ‘in all it’s hot glory’ this morning. I had a quick browse whilst sipping some Chamomile tea at a local cafe…. Love it, my dear Hook… I snuck a peak at the last few pages.. I’m so glad that I was right about you… 🙂

  7. Your book is sitting here right next to me!

  8. TBM says:

    Oh Hook…you poor thing. I thought about you while traveling the last couple of weeks. Tourists are just so unkind when they travel. The better half and I discussed this at length during our travels. I don’t know what happens when people travel, but they seem to get stupid and mean–at least I hope they aren’t like that all of the time, but you never know. Hang in there buddy!

  9. Had me chortling – in UK add “RAIN!!!!!” – Sorry if we lose any more North American athletes by the way – this is Britain.

  10. iamnotshe says:

    OK, i feel like i’ve just worked an 11 hour shift with all this crazy humanity running around. Well, the lollipop probably doesn’t have the cash for a licking like that … ewww. She is gross, AND she makes lots of money. Never mind.

    NICE POST as usual!!! I’ve been MIA … can’t concentrate. Glad you’re still blogging and entertaining us!

  11. mairedubhtx says:

    I had forgotten that you all were having a heat wave that topped ours (and we’re used to the heat!). Our air conditioners are constantly cranked up to minus 20 and people are always complaining about how cold the lobbies of the hotels are!

  12. Val says:

    I am picturing of a horde of female guests closing in on you for a feel!
    (I was watching The Walking Dead last night.)

  13. raisingdaisy says:

    I agree with iamnotshe – and I feel sorry for that lollipop in Kardashian’s filthy mouth. Aaanyway, I sympathize with you, especially with the heat issue. We’re topping 100 degrees with humidity consistently – it’s not a summer for outdoor fun! 😦 But hey, there’s plenty of indoor fun to be had, right? 😉

  14. twindaddy says:

    Yeah, summer sucks.

  15. Oh you nailed it -the summer funnies. Rolling a loaded car uphill in a parking garage! Arrrrrgggghhh! (attended trade shows for years) Bus tours and crowded lobbies does it get any better/worse?(add in the stressed outnon-English speaking tourists who are talking at one – loudly – as if that helps make anyone understand)
    Hydrate during those long hours!

  16. NOMINATION!!! Please copy and paste award from my site here and follow the rules to accept (it’s OK if you choose not to):
    http://sarahjanelives.com/2012/07/17/one-lovely-blog-award/

  17. Unlucky my friend! Maybe I shall do the kitchen version

  18. the petra babe says:

    Was the duffel bag pink??

  19. Jeanne Heuer says:

    Who gets stuck with the cleaning bill on your uniform? You or the hotel?

  20. Fiona says:

    I can always count on you to make me chuckle, Hook 🙂

  21. Know you’re not into these however; I had to do it my friend… :)http://abcofspiritalk.wordpress.com/2012/07/19/awards-from-some-wonderful-people/

  22. Woah! Tell me those bachelorettes that were pregnant weren’t drinking.. Hey, I think 50 Shades of Grey is totally over-rated, and I’m not even one of the cranky moms. Especially after reading your hilarious stories. I know you’re happily married, but I do hope the one’s touching your uniform are at least cute 😀

  23. Cayman Thorn says:

    This list is solid gold. As per that Kim K pic . . . she was faking it.

  24. Jackie Paulson says:

    I guess I don’t want your job, but Security is what I do now, and it’s just as bad!!! Trust me.

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