10 Terrible Things About Summer: Bellman Edition!

Yes, you’re still reading You’ve Been Hooked! Bear with me, okay?

I know how busy we all are this summer, so here is a quick – but hopefully enjoyable – read. I hope it brings you some respite from the heat (depending on where you’re reading this from, of course!) and other summer issues.

#10: THE HEAT!

Yes, this is an obvious one, especially this year! However, if you’ve ever spent a morning in a lobby with faulty air conditioning, especially if you’ve spent that morning listening to hundreds of tourists bitching their heads off about the heat, then you’d learn to hate Mother Nature too!

Of course it doesn’t help matters when you’re wearing a monkey suit that doesn’t “breathe” – in the least! I’ve lost track of the number of female guests that have felt my uniform and given me a “You poor baby… You must be dying!”

#9: PARKING GARAGES!

The only thing worse than a hot lobby? A ridiculously overheated parking structure. Try rolling a bell cart uphill (Yes, I sound like your grandpa. Get over it!) to the second floor where a lousy tip awaits you. There is an elevator, but its hotter than… Well, you know what.

#8: CRANKY MOMS!

Summer seems to really crank up the bitch factor where some of these ladies are concerned. Most of them forget just why they’re on vacation in the first place. I can only assume these gals haven’t read Fifty Shades of Grey….

#7: BUS TOURS.

Bus drivers that park at the end of the street – instead of directly in front of the hotel – are bad enough in the fall, but try dealing with them when you have to navigate the hordes of summer travelers just to reach them! That’s a fun time, let me tell you…

#6: CROWDED LOBBIES!

Yes, I need the very same tourists that fill my lobby and make it so difficult to get around for my livelihood, but they sure make it tough to pull a bell cart around and deliver luggage! My life is filled with irony, isn’t it?

Speaking of crowds, I just crossed paths with a “Daywalker Hooker”, a once-elusive creature that is becoming more and more common these days. Not only was she the embodiment of the Lolita archetype, she had one of those “How can she breathe in that?” outfits on and she outdid Alice Cooper in the mascara department! And she was even sucking a lollipop – slowly.

I wonder how much that cost the lollipop?

At any rate, I saw her roughly an hour later – which makes sense if you think about it – and she was carrying a duffel bag, which usually screams “drug mule”. Don’t say this blog isn’t educational kids….

I sort of drifted there, but you forgive me, right?

YES, THIS IS KIM KARDASHIAN, BUT I DOUBT ANY OF YOU ARE THAT BROKEN UP ABOUT IT, RIGHT?

#5: CROWDED DECKS!

Hotel decks, I mean, not the kind that serve drinks. Although, after a few hours of trying to avoid being run over on one kind of deck, you definitely need to visit the other! People tend to race though hotel decks with little regard for obstacles that may pop out randomly… Like bellman or children!

#4: NEW FACES BEHIND THE SCENES…

With summer comes the inevitable wave of temporary summer workers, many of whom are pretty cool to work with. Some of them, however, make me want to spend more time with the Cranky Moms….

#3: SUMMER BACHELORETTE PARTIES!

Dealing with hordes of hot, drunken females sound like a fun time to you guys out there? Trust me, they’re not as appealing in person! Especially the next day when they’re hung over. The last group I dealt with was especially nutty – and they were all pregnant! Let me tell you, those kids are in for a wild ride…

#2: WAITING…

Whether you’re waiting for elevators – the wait is much worse when you’re hot, sweaty, tired and frustrated – or you’re in line for your lunch – with tons of crazy tourists – the tedium of waiting is amped up considerably in the summer. To say the least.

#1: THE LONG HOURS…

Yes, summer is “Go Time!” if you’re a bellman, but even though the cash is great there is a price to be paid for the opportunity to earn it. All I want to do after an eleven-hour shift is go home and shower for sixty-minutes, eat a meal – preferably something cold – and maybe vomit.

But I have a wife and daughter who adore me… Okay, “adore” is a bit of a stretch, but they like me enough to want to spend time with me. But time is a precious commodity in the summer.

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