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- @andrewphung I used to have these - as well as thousands of comics I gave away over the last few years. Wish I'd k… twitter.com/i/web/status/1… 38 minutes ago
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- "Life is hard, kid. Shut up!" - Me, to a screaming child in the lobby at 8:30 am. I'm a parenting savant... #TheBellmanChronicles 1 day ago
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Tag Archives: Kim Kardashian
10 Things In 10 Days: Zero Day.
This is it, kids, the end has come. Enjoy. Again, my apologies for the change, but as I’ve had to tell the wife before… I swear my intentions were good, but I just wasn’t up to the task. And now, … Continue reading
Posted in Hotel Life Tagged elevators, girls, Kim Kardashian, sex, sluts, The Hook, The Joker 13 Comments
Overheard In The Lobby: May Two-Four Weekend Edition.
Every May 24th, one of my colleagues makes the identical comment in an exasperated tone: “Hook. the May Two-Four weekend is always a zoo from Hell! I’m not gonna make it this year!” But every year he does. However, his … Continue reading
How Sick Are You, Hook?
Two weeks. Fourteen days. Three-hundred-and thirty-six hours. That’s how long I’ve currently been fighting – and losing horribly – an illness of unknown origin. Personally, I think I’ve been cursed by disgruntled gypsies with an axe to grind over runny … Continue reading
Posted in Hotel Life Tagged colds, Coyote, Donald Trump, flu, Kim Kardashian, Pepe Le Pew, Road Runner, sickness, The Hook, Wookie 49 Comments
An Elevator Ride With The Hook…
…is never boring, kids. The average elevator ride is ninety seconds. In spite of what your husbands may have led you to believe, ladies, it is quite difficult to extract extreme amounts of pressure from ninety seconds. The exception, however, … Continue reading
Posted in Hotel Life Tagged customer service, elevators, hotels, Kim Kardashian, ladies, The Hook 17 Comments
The Ultimate Travel Tip: NEVER Try To Negotiate With A Working Girl.
You’re a chuckling right now, but trust me, right now, somewhere in America, there is a man with extremely damaged testicles who can attest to the value of my advice. This poor, deluded, dumb-ass schmuck actually attempted to renegotiate the … Continue reading
Posted in Hotel Life Tagged America, Hookers, Kim Kardashian, sex, travel, travel tips, working girls 31 Comments
Ten People I Met On New Year’s Eve: Part One.
You won’t read this for a few days (thank you, WordPress’ scheduling feature, for saving my Canadian bacon once again), but it’s actually the afternoon of New Year’s Eve as I type these words for you lovely people. And I … Continue reading
A Fly On The Wall Named The Hook…
I may have a wealth of adventures on my own, but a bellman is often simply a fly on the wall, one that is never bored. They were a middle-aged couple waiting for an elevator. Both were reasonably-fit. He was … Continue reading
Posted in Hotel Life Tagged Fifty Shades of Grey, husbands, Kim Kardashian, marriage, The Hook, wives 26 Comments
It’s Monday! (Which is my only excuse for this post.)
So it’s Monday. Let’s allow that to sink in, shall we? Everyone good? Then we’ll begin. Yesterday was a particularly brutal check-out rush. Like, Game of Thrones brutal. Okay, so no one was skinned alive or murdered during a wedding … Continue reading
An Open Letter To Kelly Ripa. (Or “Why Niagara Wants Another Scoop of Ripa.)
Technically, this is an open letter is to Kelly Ripa and Michael Strahan, but I’m going to concentrate on the lovely and radiant Kelly rather than her hunky co-star. (Don’t pout, Michael. You’re still rich, beautiful-but-in-a-manly way, and on TV. … Continue reading
“Who is The Hook, Really?”: Part One of Infinity.
My friends, acolytes, worshipers, creditors, stalkers, cats who can read, and Ned Hickson, To suggest my focus has been divided lately is to suggest Justin Bieber has been “acting out”. The truth is, I’ve been trying to craft Book Two … Continue reading