Summertime Fun With The Hook!

A couple sits in the lobby, side-by-side, but worlds apart.

They are transfixed, no, hypnotized by the light glow of their screens. Their three-year-old son sits at their feet, his gentle pleas for attention completely ignored.

HE is…

  • Thirty-something.
  • Dressed like a prototypical, white suburbanite.
  • Nearly bald.
  • Completely clueless and ignorant of the hot, still-fresh spouse sitting right beside him.

SHE is..

  • Blonde.
  • Dressed in an orange tube top and “short shorts”.
  • Ignorant to the needs of her offspring.
  • Completely clueless when it comes to the needs of her spouse.

After fifteen minutes of observation, this exchange took place at the Bell Desk:

ANONYMOUS BELLMAN: She hasn’t looked at him (the husband) for ten minutes! Can you believe that?

THE HOOK: That’s nothing! She probably hasn’t blown him for ten years!

Yes, ladies, guys can be as crude as you’ve always suspected… But you laughed, didn’t you?

Back to our tale…

The hypnotized couple continue to sink further into the anti-social quicksand of their phones as time – and their son’s formative years – pass them by. Another ten minutes pass and by that time our paths cross; they hear their valet number being called and they decide to make their way outside. As I roll by her with my cart, the clueless mom decides to initiate some actual human contact.

CLUELESS MOM: We need our car. Do you know where it is?

THE HOOK: No, but I’m sure there’s an app for that!


I recently ran into a lady who lost her cool fifteen minutes into her trip; our doorman sent her car to the garage after she said she was checking in – that’s how it works – but she neglected to remove her luggage, as people often do.

Pay attention, folks… It makes no sense to get out of your car, walk all the way to the Front Desk, wait in line and then walk back and unload your car, then walk all the way back and seek out your room. Why backtrack through the summer crowds and risk losing your cool?

But this lady did just that; then she completely lost it on the doorman and then of course she lost it again when she was informed she couldn’t have her own bell cart. Of course, you know who had to help her right? Her anger kept boiling over with derogatory comments about the hotel, its staff and the world in general. All the while, her husband just shook his head and kept out of her way.

But I wasn’t married to her, so I took a different approach.

We arrived at the room, I dropped off the bags and I apologized for her bad luck… I refused to acknowledge any wrongdoing on the hotel’s part, I simply reminded her that things happen.

“You’re right, I guess I was being a bit bitchy. I’m under a lot of pressure at work” was the explanation she offered up.

“That’s okay,” I said, “It must be a lot of responsibility running Hell.” was my counter.

Her husband burst out laughing, she took a moment to ponder the situation – I assume she must have realized just bad her behavior must have appeared for a complete stranger to call her out – and then she smiled. Finally! By the way, she handed me $10, so I know she was pleased with the service, comments and all. You never tip someone who truly pissed you off.


On Amazon, and my e-store, that is! The Kindle version is coming… I promise!

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
This entry was posted in Holidays, Hotel Employees, Hotel Life, Humor, Life and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

39 Responses to Summertime Fun With The Hook!

  1. August McLaughlin says:

    Congrats on your book! Can’t wait to read it.

  2. Deborah the Closet Monster says:


    CreateSpace assures me my copy of your book has shipped, but I have not yet received it. *shakes fist*

  3. Woman says:

    Seriously, you must have charm coming out of your backside to get away with some of these comments!!!!! Never get constipated! I find your sass hilarious!!!

  4. Jo Bryant says:

    Well hook…maybe she was being truthful…she did smile and tip after all. Damn you made me laugh though. Hell ??? Where do you get these from.

  5. That was funny. Thanks for the laughs!

  6. Fiona says:

    I would not be surprised if there WAS an app for finding the car, as there seems to be one for everything else these days πŸ™‚

  7. lexy3587 says:

    I love that you call people out on their stupidity/rudeness – but with a smile πŸ™‚ I think everyone could learn a thing or two about interacting with people from you

  8. raisingdaisy says:

    Hahaha!! There seem to be an awful lot of people sharing that same job in Hell these days! πŸ˜‰

    It drives me crazy to see parents ignoring their kids because they’re so involved with the nothingness of their phones. I mean really, nothing in the world is as important as enjoying every fleeting minute with a young child! And I bet when those kids grow up and ignore their aging parents’ needs (“Cat’s in the Cradle” time!), those same parents will be furious at their children’s inattentiveness and never realize they’re getting exactly what they gave.

  9. mizqui says:

    You know you’re the best! Right? And I thought you guys were crude in side conversation and YES — I laughed. Im irrefutably HOOKED on your honesty take. You’re a staple read and my FAVORITE BELLMAN ever! )))HUGS((( <– to you and the Ms. Vampire Lover. I don’t know how she keeps up with you and your mind. BEAUTIFUL. (-:

  10. ‘You never tip someone who truly pissed you off.’
    As we know, my dear Hook, it all depends upon ‘the delivery’…. I know that you have that…. πŸ™‚

  11. Cayman Thorn says:

    β€œIt must be a lot of responsibility running Hell.”
    That quote right there almost makes me wish I was still married and it was holiday time at the in laws.
    I love that.

  12. Great writing Hook! Love it! (Especially the reply about running Hell – I’ll have to remember that one.) πŸ˜€

  13. mj monaghan says:

    “an app for that” – simply brilliant, my friend!

  14. jlheuer says:

    You walk a fine line sometimes.

    • The Hook says:

      Trust me, after fifteen years of walking that line – without a single complaint form a guest – I have my “act” down to a science, Jill!

  15. munchow says:

    They come in all sizes and kinds, don’t they? At least the last lady acknowledged her own position in the circus. Send in the next artist, maestro!

  16. When that techie couple’s son get to be a teenager, they will probably be searching for that “Where did we go wrong?” app. (It’s the one next to the “Find closest bail bonds” app.)
    Hilarious post once again!

  17. Jackie Paulson says:

    Hook, I have a security manual to publish what do I do? I will buy yours…

    • The Hook says:

      I’ll send you an e-mail soon, Jackie… Promise!
      In the meantime, I used CreateSpace. If you know how to format and create your own cover, they won’t charge you a dime for the creation process! Unfortunately, I lacked the necessary skills, but you’re one smart cookie…

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