CALL #1: A RICH MAN.
- He had a watch that didn’t come from a case of beer.
- His car wasn’t a standard issue domestic unit mini-van or a middle-class SUV advertised in commercials featuring shiny, happy people cruising leisurely down sun drenched country roads.
- The tailored suit covering his form was immaculate.
- As one would expect, he brought along the stereotypical ultra-high-maintenance wife who appeared to have just lost her last baby tooth and who couldn’t stop rolling her eyes. Seriously, I thought she was having a seizure…
He was living the dream – and he was miserable. Or so it appeared. Granted, I can only draw conclusions from the few minutes that Fate allows me to spend with these people, but he didn’t look like a happy guy; waves of anger and resentment poured off him like sweat off a fat guy trying to climb stairs while carrying a bucket of chicken.
CALL #2: A POOR MAN.
- He wasn’t wearing a watch, but his ball cap definitely came from a case of Bud.
- The trunk of his LTD was held down with a length of rope. I kid you not.
- A weathered Led Zeppelin t-shirt – a bold choice for a man in his fifties - jeans and cowboy boots comprised his vacation attire.
- His wife was a lady of advanced years (heck, compared to #1′s wife, she was ancient!), but salt of the earth values, as evidenced by her eagerness to mingle with valet and bell staff while her “pookie bear’ unloaded the White Trash Mobile. Seriously, she referred to their car as the White Trash Mobile.
Two men, both in the same place at the same time. Both cut from the same ultra-white cloth – although one of them had a neck as red as Alabama clay – and traveling with their significant others.
Two men whom one can safely assume traveled in different circles, yet found themselves at the same fork in the road in terms of a single choice. That choice? How to treat the bellman.
Seems simple, I know, but nothing could be more complicated. Our behavior towards others is reflective of our mood at that moment in time. If you’re having a bad day you may dismiss the bellman with a look of haughty derision and no gratuity and falsely assume the matter will end there.
However, and trust me on this, you may have actually lit the fuse that unleashes a powder keg of revenge directed squarely at you and only you. I don’t indulge in revenge against guests – it simply devalues one’s soul – but between my tours of duty at two hotels over fifteen years I’ve seen many acts of revenge carried out by bitter bellmen.
Here are but five.
DISCLAIMER: (And this is directed solely at any representatives of the hotels’ HR department that may be reading this) Each of the acts of revenge you are about to read of was carried out by an individual who is no longer a working bellman.
- I’ve seen toothbrushes dipped in toilet water, paint thinner and bodily fluid.
- Trunks/back doors can be closed just enough to hold until a vehicle leaves the property – and then they spring open, depositing their contents all over the Niagara roadways.
- It is a simple matter to switch the power off in certain rooms, plunging an unsuspecting guest into darkness at the most inopportune time.
- They say never mess with the people who prepare your food; well those same individuals are often tight with the bell staff. You do the math…
And finally, this one will knock your socks off but I swear it’s true: once upon a time, while consumed by rage, a bellman seduced a guest’s wife and had angry sex with said spouse – on the hood of the guest’s car, no less – while a colleague hid in the bushes and took photographs which were later mailed to the guest upon his return home.
Yes, this occurred before the dawn of the digital age. An old-time camera was used and snail mail was the only game in town. And since I know you’re wondering, both employees were terminated with extreme prejudice, but at least they had one hell of a tale to tell.
So as you can see, it pays to devote a few minutes of careful thought to those who are charged with assisting you while you travel, for the hand that pushes the bell cart is the hand that rules your world, if only for a moment or two.
As for the two men with whom this lesson began, they were a study in contrast on many levels; the rich man employed the Kevin O’Leary method and placed his love of money above all else, while the poor man put kindness and consideration at the forefront of his life.
Simply put, the rich man was a douchecopter who stiffed me, while the poor man threw me a wrinkled twenty that smelled like beer and cigarettes. I maintained an open mind and treated both men with respect and a welcoming attitude but in each case the outcome was wildly unexpected.
There endeth the lesson.
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Check out the latest offering from Miss Four Eyes. (Yes, I suck at intros, just read the damn post, will ya?)
Bird Brain
The nightingale is known to have one of the most beautiful voices. They symbolize poets and their poetry because of their creative and seemingly spontaneous songs. Nightingales get their name because they’re known to sing at night as well as during the day, their favorite time to sing is the hour just before sunrise.
One of them lives in the tree right outside my window.
Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!
It never stops! EVER! I can’t take it anymore, I’m going insane! All day and night it goes “CooOOoooo CooOOoooo” as loud as it can. Imagine a high pitched whistle. Musical? NO. Not at 5 am in the morning. Annoying to the point that you consider making rotisserie nightingale for the neighbor’s dog? Oh yes.
I know you think it’s a beautiful creature of nature, but it isn’t. This bird is pure evil.
READ MORE HERE:
I WROTE THIS!
