5×5 With The Hook: Sara Mitich.

Once upon a time a young girl looked out at the sky and dreamed of a life filled with a higher purpose. And so she defied her mother’s wishes, competed in the Amazonian games and won the right to battle injustice in Man’s World.

Wait, that’s Wonder Woman, not Sara Mitich.

Great, now I’m picturing Sara in WW’s outfit, her gaze focused like a laser, her muscles rigid as she raises her steel bracelets…

Great, now I fogged my glasses up.

Let’s see if we can’t back on track, shall we?

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Hailing from Hamilton, Ontario, a mere forty-five minutes from my hometown of Niagara Falls, it’s most likely that a young star Sara Mitich looked up at the sky and dreamed of setting the world on fire with her artistic passion.

And so she eventually did; giving the world unforgettable characters who dwell everywhere from earthbound turn-of-the-century Toronto in Murdoch Mysteries to the deepest recesses of space in The Expanse.

In the beginning though, Sara’s passion was ballet, and by age nine she was gracefully twirling like nobody’s business at the National Ballet School of Canada. Sidelined by evolution’s cruel sense of humor (a sudden growth spurt) and multiple injuries stemming from her nightlife as a pre-teen cage fighter (is he kidding?), Sara channeled her skills to acting, and graduated from the joint actor training program between University of Toronto and Sheridan College.

Like any actor worth their salt, Sara’s paid her dues, appearing in short films like Mind Games (every relationship I had prior to getting married), Plastic (what most of my girlfriends were made of) and Prick (how most of my exes now refer to me). She’s honed her craft in films of the cinematic and TV variety. She became a full-fledged nerd favorite by appearing in the Heroes Reborn mini-series. And last but not least, she’s become a true star by elevating Murdoch Mysteries and The Expanse to even greater heights.

The Expanse is an incredibly-well-written sci-fi mystery/drama/thrill ride set in the far reaches of the cosmos – but it actually takes place in the depths of the human soul.

1-zp8xdN_coOWjL1uQwVi2hAI’m getting paid to do The Hook’s blog, right?

Sara has done some of her best work on The Expanse, but it’s her work on Murdoch Mysteries that I want to discuss briefly before we get to the heart of today’s matter.

Sara brought suffragist and turn-of-the-century hat connoisseur Lillian Moss to life slowly; the character gently eased her way into the life of coroner Doctor Emily Grace – and MM’s viewers – with a series of nuances rather than an aggressive attack.

And then she brought Dr. Grace to her knees, (quite literally, one can assume), by making her realize love knows no bounds. Having Lillian and Emily become lovers was groundbreaking within the time period of the show and most definitely for the network itself. The only error CBC made, in my opinion, was letting the Murdoch writers killer poor Lillian off!

I was fortunate enough to meet a young female guest who was so inspired by the Lillian/Emily storyline that she came out to her father. I feel very lucky to be in a position where I can strike up conversations with travelers that have this result, so I can only imagine how Sara must feel.

Some final tidbits about ms. Mitich: she’s an accomplished equestrian and when she isn’t turning the world on with her smile (hey, someone had to take over for MTM) she enjoys kickboxing, Pilates and yoga. So don’t ever tick Sara off, people; she’ll go medieval on your tuckus. To top it all off, Sara gives back to the acting community as a teacher and coach for Armstrong Acting Studios – and she’s tall and drop dead gorgeous.

(I love smart, strong, tall women, which is why I married one.)

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And now, on with the show!

ONE)  You’re a true professional, but you’re also human; do you ever break out in raucous laughter during an emotional scene?

Of course! I mean it obviously depends on the type of scene and role and what not. Sometimes I’m really in it and stay in it – and even if I wanted to break out of it, it would take some time to shake it off. But those little hiccups are some of my fondest memories; and it can be the most random things that trigger the laughter.

I remember on Murdoch (and his happens often), we were filming a scene outside and a horse and carriage pass by, and just as we were talking, out of nowhere, the horse farted SO loudly! We tried to continue with the scene, but it was hopeless, everyone burst out into laughter. It took us a couple takes to get back into the scene and keep the laughter from bubbling up. But it’s so human!

I love those moments. They remind you not to take yourself so damn seriously all the time.

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TWO)  If you could be any breakfast food what would you be?

Ouuuu, I don’ know if this is what I would BE, but my fav is Eggs Florentine! It’s got all the goodies: spinach, cheese, eggs and the ultimate – hollandaise sauce.

Yum yum!

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THREE)  Yay or nay on chivalry? Are we past the point where a woman should allow a man to do things for her like open her car door or jump in front of a pack of rabid wolverines to save her?

It’s a definite Yay for me. I love it when a man opens a door for me, walks on the outside of the sidewalk, etc. It could be because I’m a hopeless romantic, but I don’t see anything wrong with any of that. I think it’s thoughtful.

That being said, do I love having the freedom to work and do what I love? Absolutely. And I would never want that limited by anyone or anything. There has to be a balance, you know?

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FOUR)  Your storyline broke new ground for Murdoch Mysteries; have any fans reached out to you to express their appreciation/rage/indifference?

I had quite a few fans reach out to me in appreciation – which was so wonderful!

As an actor, I am a facilitator of the writers and creators of the show; that being said, having such an impact on peoples lives is truly an honor, and it’s the greatest gift and feedback I can get. Every time I got a fan letter, it TOTALLY made my day! So thank you to everyone who sent one, or commented in appreciation on social media, etc. It makes me feel like I have an impact on this world and that is – hands down – such an incredible feeling.

Though I didn’t get any messages sent directly to me, I did catch some columns and comments on social media where fans were expressing their rage about the storyline and how it was detouring the show from its previous path. And you know what? That’s okay too. Everyone is entitled to his or her opinion. If the storyline sprouted conversation points then, in a way, it was doing its job!

(I get the impression Sara really is one of the nicest, calmest people you could ever hope to meet, don’t you?)

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FIVE)  If you could be any cinematic villain (male or female) who would you choose and why?

The first character that popped into my mind was Catwoman.

First off, I’ve always wanted to play a badass chick in a one-piece leather zip up (ha ha, I know, but it’s on my to-do list).

(Well, if you didn’t love Sara before…)

Second, I am so fascinated and drawn to characters that have a dark but vulnerable side to them. Maybe it’s the way Michelle Pfeiffer played her, but that spiral into the unstable world that she goes into – I think – is amazing. You have this person who is torn between good and evil, and sanity and insanity – that would be a dream to play as an actress! Plus I love cats. So, you know, there’s the bonus of being one.

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Isn’t Sara the best? Not only did she take the time to answer a few quirky Qs from a nobody like me, she gave me gold, Jerry, gold! My thanks to our lovely guest and to all of you; you’re all good eggs.

See you in the lobby, kids…

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Ow! It Burns!

No. I haven’t been to Tijuana lately, or gotten too friendly with any of the “paid companions” that frequent the hotel.

But I do have a malady that is causing me some discomfort. It’s difficult to discuss online but an open dialogue always helps in these situations so here goes…

I have Social Media Burnout.

Yes, I know it’s hard to believe it’s happened to The Hook but this sort of thing doesn’t discriminate.  While we don’t have exact figures, SMB effects millions of people worldwide. Of course most of them are too old to turn on a computer or device. Some are living healthy, unplugged lives outdoors. (Gasp! I know, right? There are bees out there!) And some of them just don’t give a shit about social media.

Those people scare the spit out of me.

As for me, well, I’m just plain burned out. The season has barely begun, but it’s been a killer already and while I have some cool 5×5 interviews lined up, I just can’t muster the enthusiasm to get them out there right now. Plus, there’s the whole “real life” experience to factor in; my home life has been a whirlwind of activities and milestones lately and those have left me knackered.

But don’t despair, gentle readers; the treatment for SMB is relatively simple and affordable.

All I have to do is… nothing.

Fortunately for me, I come from a long line of Nothing-Doers. The wife can attest to that; part of the reason I’m so burned out is that we’ve been tackling jobs at home that have been neglected for various reasons for years. 

So while you continue to blog, tweet, post on Instagram and immerse yourselves in dozens of other aspects of the social media experience I’m going to regroup, finish up the 5×5 posts I have sitting in my Drafts folder and get back to fighting strength eventually. Until then, here’s a shot of me and director Kevin Smith. Meeting Silent Bob himself is the coolest thing that’s happened to me at work in quite some time and while I’ve already shared this pic on Twitter, I’m doing it again.

So there.

See you then, kids…

Hook and Smith

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Canada Day Musings. (A Little Late.)

For most Canadians and visitors to our home and native land, Canada Day has little to do with celebrating the birth and endurance of one of the greatest nations on the planet.

It’s about testing your liver’s limits, y’all.

(Sorry about that. I didn’t want to leave my American friends out.)

Many of the guests I served during the Canada Day check-out rush started their testing early and so they were, as they say, hanging like Spider-Man. However, most were stone cold sober and decent, hard-working folks.

Let’s take a quick look at a few of the characters the hotel hosted on Canada Day, shall we? (Yes, I’m doing one of these posts again because I just don’t have the time for anything else. Sue me.)

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This guy started out Canadian…

ONE)  The Lolita.  A twenty-something (I hope!) brown-haired waif in impossibly-tight faded denim and a barely-there top that exposed her washboard midriff. I rarely notice young girls; at seven in the morning, I barely notice anything truth be told. Honestly, it creeps me out to examine a young lady who is close to my own progeny’s age – but sometimes you can’t help but make exceptions.

I’m not suggesting I found this girl attractive (personally, I feel she needed more meat on her still-developing bones), but her clothing set her apart, a fact that did not go unnoticed by the growing horde. Funny thing though, the men weren’t checking her out… but the cougars certainly were. And not in a judgemental way either.

I love this new age of sexual freedom and experimentation, don’t you?

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TWO)  The Asian Scooby Gang.  Seriously, with the exception of the goofy canine, they were those meddling kids incarnate. Of course, they all appeared to stoners, not just Shaggy. But other than that, they were a cartoon brought to life in Niagara Falls.

They were no trouble; they just stood around giggling and pointing at the “funny Westerners” as they waited for their Mystery Machine. Asians make the perfect guests actually.

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THREE)  The Child Left Behind.  Who grew up to be an old woman who appears to be ninety but is in fact closer to sixty. She never stays in the hotel but stores some bags with us for twenty-four hours while she goes and works the casino floor as a prostitute. Hard living on a scale I cannot imagine has left her skin leathery, her eyes sunken and her skin shriveled. She’s lost every battle worth waging and that truth breaks my heart every time I see her.

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FOUR)  The High Roller.  Admittedly, we don’t get many “whales” as they’re known in the hospitality biz – most guests are folks of average means and tastes they cannot actually afford – but the few that we do are extremely generous. Sadly, they travel light and so they don’t often require a bellman’s assistance, though that doesn’t stop other staff members from swarming the biggest whale we have every time he arrives, which he did this particular Canada day.

Funny thing, he complained about the swarming during one visit – then retracted that complaint when he was ignored.

Rich folks, man…

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FIVE)  The Harry Potter clone.  The spectacled little chap‘s standing at my desk as I write this, storing luggage. You’d think he could have teleported it to a neighboring dimension and saved me the effort, right?

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SIX)  The Toronto expats.  They come down every weekend, a group of four families. The high-maintenance, cougar wives are dense but delightful.

“Oh, we just love it here in Niagara Falls! It’s unbelievable how different things are down here!”

To which I always reply…

“You do realize Niagara is only one-and-a-half hours away from TO, right? You’re not exactly hopping across the Mulitverse.”

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SEVEN)  The Nervous Nellie.  This poor schlub was as jittery as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. He couldn’t wrap his mind around the fact I was going to take his bags down a separate elevator and meet him in the lobby before accompanying him and his shapely, raven-haired female companion to the parking garage. It took me a full fifteen minutes to get that straightened out as his girlfriend rolled her eyes and chuckled.

When we walked into the parking garage together the full picture emerged. Which brings us to our next subject…

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EIGHT)  Cheater, Cheater, Nervous Nellie Eater.  Yes, you guessed it, his lover was actually another man’s wife. She even had the audacity to chant incessantly about her husband as we headed to the car. Don’t get me wrong, she appeared to be a decent, super-friendly gal who wouldn’t hurt a fly.

It’s just that she liked to have sex with people she wasn’t married to.

Everyone has something, right?

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NINE)  The Three Impossibly-hot Brunette Hookers.  They‘re also regulars – who do things that are not so regular in most bedrooms, I  imagine. Bubbly as the day is long, this petite trio is equally bold. The first time we met, they exclaimed,

“We’re not here for our pleasure… but lucky for us, our business is bringing pleasure to others!”

I have no idea if they work as a team – talk about your eyes being bigger than your stomach – or if they simply go solo but share a room. Either way, they really are happy hookers. And yes, I realize that reference sped by most of you…

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TEN)  The Little Big Man.  He was three feet of nothing – but he was a hundred feet of attitude. The stereo typical “Gino” in a pint size package, he literally walked around spouting, “Hey, how you doin’?” to everyone.

He leered at young girls his daughter’s age in full view of his spouse.

He was rude to every staff member he came in contact with.

He was a prize, no doubt about it.

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Yes, in spite of our mild-mannered image, this country of mine is never boring.

Canadians are willing to open their borders to everyone… but we take shit from no one.

We love our Yankee cousins but we love everyone else too… until we don’t.

So come to Canada and see what all the fuss is about… and be sure to tell them The Hook sent you.

See you in the Canadian lobby, kids…

And since Canadians love beavers, here’s one last Happy Hooker image to keep you warm at night…

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Oh, That Hook!

So Toyota recently had a conference at the hotel – and the fun was flowing like cheap champagne.

Especially when I rode one of the guest elevators and three very chipper Toyota executives boarded consecutively…

TOYOTA EXEC #1:  Hey, I’m Toyota Scarborough!

(To be clear, I don’t think he was the entire dealership, I think he just worked there.)

TOYOTA EXEC #2:  I’m Toyota Philly!

TOYOTA EXEC #3:  Hey there, I’m Toyota Boston!

ME:  Hey! I’m Robert… and I drive a Chrysler!

Yes, I am incorrigible, thank you for noticing. Incidentally, Toyota is a great company whose execs make great hotel guests; not every company or organization can make the same claim.

I’ve seen drunken bankers fornicate on folding tables in the hotel’s laundry room in the middle of the night.

Insurance agents make daredevils look like paraplegics. (I guess they figure they’re covered for any and all “emergencies”.)

Security once threw an ad executive out after he took a swing at a bartender.

A nun once grabbed my butt.  (I think she might have yelled, “Praise, Jesus!” afterwards… but I can’t be sure.

I’ve lost track of the number of preachers who have checked in on a regular basis and ordered hookers immediately. One gentleman always ordered a companion who appeared to be at least fifteen years old.

Yep, I’m being serious.

One of the wildest groups we ever hosted… consisted entirely of police officers. (Needless to say, we didn’t call 911 when they got out of hand.)

So thank you, Toyota, for being hyper, but happy and well-behaved.

See you in the lobby, kids…

By the way, nothing beats a Fourth of July post about a foreign car manufacturer – written by a Canadian, am I right?

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5×5 With The Hook: Tracy Moore.

She stepped into a television hosting role held by a beloved personality who should have been a tough act to follow – and she aced it immediately.

She’s the warmest-yest-simultaneously-coolest, hippest, most lovable woman on TV since Mary Tyler Moore.

She’s Cityline host Tracy Moore (no relation to Mary) and she’s spectacular.

tracy_moore_citylineFor 19 years Cityline (one of the first ultra-hip television lifestyle shows on both sides of the border) was hosted by a lady by the name of Marilyn Denis – and I have to tell you, she was adored by viewers like my mother and grandmother.

When Denis announced she was leaving Cityline in 2008 it seemed as though the program would go the way of the Pat Sajak Show and bite the dust like an eighty-year-old man on a ten-speed.

But then Tracy Moore stepped in and made the hosting role her own. Her first act as host, igniting a bonfire topped with all of her predecessor’s possessions and pictures, in the studio parking lot is still the stuff of Canadian television legend.

Right now you’re thinking, “Is he kidding?” You never can tell, can you? Fair warning, it’s not going to get any less tongue-in-cheek as we progress.

Tracy Moore battled to the death worked her way from a behind-the-scenes camera jockey to an on-camera news reporter/anchor role at CBC News World. When it was clear no one at the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation could match her sass and sheer willpower, Moore took a role as a live reporter for City’s Breakfast Television.

(For my American and international readers: City is a Canadian television network owned by the Rogers Media subsidiary of Rogers Communications. You’re welcome.)

For her part, Moore saw herself eventually moving to New York to further her broadcasting career. In fact, she didn’t even invite anyone from City to her wedding to “media guy” and super-cool human being, Lio Perron, that’s how brief she felt her role at City would actually be!

Then Denis left Cityline while Tracy was on maternity leave with her son and as they say, everything changed in an instant. Having earned a master’s degree in journalism at Western University – Moore is one of those rare individuals who is not only attractive but sharp as one of Wolverine’s adamantium claws – Tracy never envisioned herself eschewing journalism to host a lifestyle program.

Fortunately for all of us, she changed her mind, dove in with both beautiful feet (I’m assuming) and changed the television landscape forever.

With Moore at the center, Cityline is a place where the crew, audience, guests, contributors, and of course viewers, have a blast. Now Tracy uses her power and influence to crush her enemies beneath her designer heels – when she’s not hosting high-profile fundraisers like the Mirror Ball and the YWCA’s Women of Distinction Awards, of course. Like many City personalities, this chick gives back to the community as much as she can by contributing to various charities. She’s even ensuring people don’t look like cave dwellers by running her own clothing line.

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But at the end of the day, Tracy Moore finds her greatest fulfillment by being at the center of this group of wild and crazy souls…

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So we can all agree that Tracy is an exceptional mammal, right? I know she’s a favorite of my bellmen colleagues; “When’s that hottie, Tracy Moore, coming back to Niagara, Hook? She’s a knockout!”But I’m sure the guys respect her for her mind too…

And now, on with the 5×5 show!

ONE)  Your house is on fire; other than your family, which item do you save first?

My phone. *hangs head in shame*

Honestly though all my information is in my phone. Numbers, addresses, family photos and videos. 

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TWO)  What’s the most important piece of advice you can give men for dealing with the modern-yet-ever-evolving female of the species?

The role of men has changed so much that I think it can be confusing these days to support women without feeling displaced and emasculated. My big advice is to understand how crucial your role is in maintaining balance in and out of the home. And that every good woman is made even stronger by the love and support of a good man.

(I’ll say it for you, men, “Thank you, Tracy!”)

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THREE)  You once harbored ambitions of “making it” in the United States of America; if given the opportunity, would you still choose to be a part of the American television landscape?

It would have to be a multi-year deal for billions of dollars at this point. Okay, maybe not billions, but we have such a good support system here at home (my parents), a good school for the kids and good jobs for both of us. The American TV landscape is just as dodgy as the Canadian one, maybe even more so.

Would I give everything up for a show in the US that may or may not last a few episodes before being cancelled?

Yes.

For billions of dollars.

(So it turns out you can put a price on patriotism after all…)

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FOUR)  If you could be any mythical beast, what would you be? 

A chocolate-eating, fire-breathing, high-flying dragon. 

(That’d be one sexy-yet-hyper-intelligent dragon.)

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FIVE)  As a bellman, I’m fascinated by stories of trips gone astray. Other than waiting seemingly-forever for a cab in Niagara Falls, what’s your most harrowing travel tale?

I never had a fear of flying before my one and only trip to Dominican Republic.

On the flight home we were in the air with no turbulence when the plane seemingly hit a concrete wall in the sky. The first bump was awful. The second bump was horrifying. The bang caused the oxygen masks to fall and I saw about five people in front of me hit the overhead roof including a toddler who flew up in the air like a rag doll.

Needless to say the tears started flowing and I started my prayers in my head. I was bawling and squeezing Lio’s hand so tight because I was certain our life was going to end because we chose to take a last minute vacation at a low end resort in a country we didn’t really enjoy very much (we hated the Haitian/Dominican divide, the overwhelming poverty of the Haitian underclass and the different treatment me and Lio received based on our different complexions).

And then lo and behold, the rest of the flight was uneventful. What I didn’t know (because the pilot didn’t tell us) was that planes can hit air pockets in the sky. And when they do this is what happens. No one explained until the END OF THE FLIGHT when we were safely on the tarmac. Bad vacation, bad flight, and now a lifelong fear of hitting one of these invisible things every time I get on a plane.

(Yikes! Now I’m glad I’m too poor to travel anywhere. Who knew poverty could be a blessing?)

breakAnd so our time together has come to a close once more. A simple “Thank, babe” will never be enough to mark my gratitude to Tracy Moore, a woman who comes into my home five days a week to enrich my family’s life with laughter and enlightenment – but it’s all I can afford on a bellman’s wage. Thank you yo all of you for being here. And finally, thank you to Donald Trump for being born in the United States; Canada has enough problems as it is…

See you in the lobby, kids…

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What The Hook Saw: Sunday Mornng Check-Out Rush Edition.

Sunday mornings are gold for a blogging bellman, folks.

From drunken bridesmaids who wake up chained to each other to foul-mouthed nuns, you see it all. All of God’s special children make their way through Niagara Falls on Sunday mornings. And if you’re me, you try to write about it – if you can find the time, that is. Here is a brief look at ten of the most special of all the souls I encountered in my end-of-the-week travels, friends.

ONE)  One quote pretty much says it all:

“On any other day, in any other life, that might seem strange.” – Me, while watching a guy with a cinder block chained to his wrist carry it thru the lobby on his shoulder.

Of course, you know I couldn’t let something like this go, right? I quickly approached the gentleman (who had to be a groom-to be) in question:

“I’ve heard of a ball and chain, sir… but this is ridiculous!”

Naturally, his buddies broke out into raucous laughter as he lowered his head – and almost dropped his cinder block on his foot.

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TWO)  The happiest hooker I’ve ever seen.  Seriously, this petite redhead  had to have been a Disney employee at one time, that’s how chipper she was. She bounced through the lobby as though helium had been injected into her bloodstream. And this was after her “job” was done.

“This chick is ridiculously-happy for someone who lets people, no matter how disgusting or depraved they are, jump up and down her for money.” – Me, of course.

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THREE)  A hungover, towering, bottled-blonde bachelorette with dried vomit in her hair, bloodshot eyes that would make a vampire peckish, an outfit that looked as though it had been slept in – for a month – and a foul  mouth that would set a sailor straight.

“Holy fuck!  Am I fucked up or what?”

Is that classy or what?

Incidentally, people should never complain about bachelor parties; these days, the gals are just as likely to go over the edge of sanity in the pursuit of a good time as their male counterparts.

You’ve come a long way, drunken babies…

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FOUR)  The morbidly obese Grinder Dad who had the balls to use his ten-minutes-from-death mother-in-law’s wheelchair as a luggage cart. To my delight, his leaning tower of luggage fell over just as he approached the revolving door leading out of the lobby.

I laughed out loud. And no, I didn’t feel bad for a moment.

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FIVE)  The nervous-as-a-long tailed-cat-in-a-room-full-of-rocking-chairs-father who freaked when he heard the resulting “BANG” that resulted when Grinder Dad’s bags fell over.

“We just got back from Mexico… when you hear a sound like that, it means someone got shot!”

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SIX)  The two Frat Boys who were way too close for guys who claim to be straight. To be clear, I have no problem with an individual’s choice of lover; it’s all good to me. But when two guys check in with impossibly-hot girlfriends but then spend more time slapping each other on the shoulder and ass in the lobby?

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SEVEN)  A horde of brash, ridiculously-overbearing Bostonian Americans. This needs no further explanation, does it? By the way, Bostonians are hilarious human beings that can make an otherwise boring day unforgettable. All this particular group had to do was yammer on and I was entertained.

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EIGHT)  A little girl dressed as Iron Man (Iron Lass? Metal Maiden? Circuitry Chick?) who kept running into every stone pillar in the lobby. Her parents just let her go. After encountering them twice I had to speak up.

“You do realize, folks, that the young lady’s ‘armor’ is actually plastic?  Trust me on this, brain damaged is no way to go through life – in spite of Donald Trump’s example, of course.”

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NINE)  Golden-aged golfers. There were an even dozen of them, dressed in their full golf regalia. (Who designs this stuff anyway, a blind designer with a massive head injury?) They were, for the most part, happy, decent folks. Naturally, there were a few way-past-the-expiration-date souls among them who were angry at the world.

“All these damn people need to get out of our way so we can get going, time’s a’wastin’!”

“Where’s our damn tour bus?”

“Can one of you damn bell guys take our golf bags and coolers to the damn tour bus? We’re old!”

“Who’s got the booze?”

(I suppose it was a valid query – for ten-thirty in the morning.)

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“Hot damn, I’m on fire!  Seriously, my pacemaker just sparked up!”

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TEN)  Me. After all, I am God’s special bellman…

See you in the lobby, kids…

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Ever Wonder How The Hook’s Day Begins?

Not my actual day at home, but my “labors” in the hospitality field.

It is five past eight in the morning as I peck these words out to you and I’ve already spent ten minutes wiping down the handrail leading down into the basement punch clock. I punched in and was noted by the hotel’s security staff with a nod. Then I headed to my locker, pulled it out (my uniform, you perverts) “suited up” and headed upstairs to the Bell Room, also known as the Back Room, the Luggage Room and That Place Where The Bellmen Hang Out And Do Nothin’.

From there I made my way to the lobby where I witnessed this little bit of family drama between an exhausted mother and a far-from-exhausted- six-year-old daughter. 

EXHAUSTED MOM:  I don’t care how many times you ask…. you’re not getting cotton candy before breakfast!

CRAZY KID:  (In other words, a kid on vacation.)  I WANT MY COTTON CANDY!

Then she began to cry. To be clear, it started out as a series of sobs then it became an intermittent cry and finally, a wail worthy of a Viking battle cry. All within a minute.

EM:  I don’t care how much you cry, you’re not getting that cotton candy yet! And if you want I’ll really give you something to cry about!

A classic.

Followed by another classic.

CK:  But I’m already crying you stupid bitch!

There was half a dozen people in my section of the lobby, a dozen more including staff in the other lobby and a few folks milling about outside on the Valet Deck.

They all stopped.

Silence reigned.

Until I gave voice to what everyone was thinking.

“With all due respect, miss… that was awesome! I mean, you can’t see it now, but trust me… you’ll get it. Eventually. Maybe.”

From the look she gave me… I could tell she wasn’t going to get it in my lifetime. Which, by the way, looked it was going to end any second. I can’t wait to see what else the day has in store.

See you in the lobby, kids…

giphyMy apologies, but this was too good not to share.

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