Meet The “Hostiles”!

No, this isn’t a LOST post, but rather a portrait of the all-too typical traveling family.

These people wake up pissed off.

Grandpa started the ball rolling…

HOSTILE GRANDPA: (Approaching bell Desk and heading straight for the back room) I’m just going to take a cart, okay fellas?

As you may have surmised by now, my two colleagues and myself were not okay with that.

THE HOOK: We can certainly help you, sir –

HG: But she said I could take one!

THE HOOK: Who did, sir?

I needed to know just who to throttle!

HG: The girl at the Front Desk.

Of course, he didn’t know her name (they never do!) and no one claimed responsibility for sending this schmuck our way. So I sent him on his way with instructions to call us at the appropriate time. He did so fifteen minutes later and requested two carts, for two rooms with two cars.

So I called for both cars, rolled two carts to the rooms and then I got to meet the rest of the Hostile Family, all fifteen of them!

  • The Little Hostiles were tired, cranky and bouncing off the walls – literally in one case!
  • The Dads were your typical layabouts, disinterested in their own families. Not that I blame them!

Turns out I actually brought these people in when they originally arrived, so Grandpa knew better than to try to retrieve his own cart.

HOSTILE DAD #1: (No acknowledgment of my presence, he simply reaches for one of the carts and attempts to roll it into his room) I’ve got this one, dad! Take the other one into your room!

HOSTILE GRANDMA: I think the guy does it, dear!

HD #1: (Sighing and shaking his head) Okay, if he has to…

But rather than allow me to enter the rooms, assess the number of bags and load the cart accordingly, they formed a line and passed me the bags. It slowed down the entire process, especially when they starting arguing with each other over what to give me. We finished one room but then the rest of the Hostiles didn’t seem to eager to leave…

HD #1: Are you guys coming?


The rooms aren’t that big! He should have been able to hear his fellow Hostile easily.

HD #1: (Shouting unnecessarily) We’re loaded up! Are you ready to go?

HD #2: We have to load up first!

As you can well imagine, I was praying for Death to walk through the door and smite this entire clan. But Death obviously felt that would be too easy.

We loaded both carts beyond their capacity and there were still bags to be carried! So the Hostiles loaded themselves up, begrudgingly, naturally, and met me downstairs on the valet deck. Hostile Dad #1 had insisted he be allowed to roll one cart down himself, but I politely refused, although I did allow him to roll one cart to his truck once we were outside.

This actually made him smile – until he realized he had to unload the cart and fit all that crap in there somehow. I could have offered some assistance, but I was busy with the other half of the clan. He actually broke a sweat, but eventually his Hostilemobile was loaded and he came over to totally blow my mind with four crisp Canadian fives.

I said they were hostile, I didn’t say they were cheap.



About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
This entry was posted in Hotel Employees, Hotel Life, Humor, Life, Postaweek2011, Social Commentary, Travel, Uncategorized and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

38 Responses to Meet The “Hostiles”!

  1. qahiri says:

    it all turned out well in the end. every career has its own, living version of the film “Office Space”. there hasn’t been a movie out about hotel workers yet, so maybe you could… $$$…

  2. Tim Rueb says:

    ah, a hostile happy ending, an OK tip, and they left!

  3. Sandi Ormsby says:

    would YOU be happy traveling with that many people- kids and elderly? I’d be hostile too

    Lake Forest, CA

    • The Hook says:

      I realize they had cause to be grumpy, but don’t leave home with sucha large clan if you can’t handle them! Big families need to work together.

  4. jennygoth says:

    can t see the point in staying in a nice hotel being away and being grumpy id love it and having your bags loadedeven better at least you got an ok tip hook il see what reaper is doing next hostile family lol xxjen

  5. haha I totally agree with Sandi!!

  6. Jo Bryant says:

    Why wouldn’t you go the whole holiday experience and let someone else do the work ? Especially as trying to do the work yourself makes more work for everybody else – crazy people…

  7. Pingback: Sun Mountain MCB Cart Bag | Golf Gear and Golfing News

  8. Androgoth says:

    Fifteen Hostiles Waiting For A Cart, Grandpa Hostile Tutting But He’s Just An Old Fart, Pappa Hostile Tutting, and Grandma Hostile Shaking Her Head, It Is Lucky That Death Didn’t Take Them All Out Instead. Moan, Moan, Moan All The Way To The Truck But Luckily Left That Moan, Moan Pappa Hostile Loading It Himself, Tough Luck… Fivers For The Waiting Not A Bad Tip From Them, Now Begone You Whinging Whiners Auf Wiedersehen 🙂

    Have a great weekend Hook 🙂


  9. It’s a good thing they tip well!

  10. “They were all loaded…”

    Well, that explains it.

  11. Jay says:

    Very brilliantly put. 🙂

  12. Ben says:

    That was really funny especially the Death smiting the whole clan. Ha ha. BTW what do you mean by “four crisp Canadian fives” and the “cart”, Sorry about the question I only slept in a hotel once <_<

    • The Hook says:

      “Four crisp Canadian fives” means I received a $20 tip and the “cart” refers to my bell cart I use to transport luggage for ungrateful, grumpy guests!
      I hope that clears things up. BTW, you’re not missing anything by not sleeping in hotels!

  13. One thing for is for sure, Hook. Everyone who reads this blog will damn well make sure they have lots of change when visiting Canada !! hahaha

  14. somebody says:

    Sounds like a fun job. 🙂

  15. The hostile is almost forgivable due to the lack of ‘cheap’. I said almost…

  16. Jeanne Heuer says:

    Hostiles 0. Hook 20. Alls well that ends well.

  17. Lafemmeroar says:

    This needs to be turned into a short film–too funny 🙂

  18. See, in my barbecue pit experience, hostile DOES = cheap. Tips only come from those who are generous to begin with. Occasionally, you get the ones who are jerkoffs and you explain politely that they are such, and they tip you because you let them know they were making a fool of themselves in public. *smug smile* I’m told I have a talent for telling people to go to hell in a way that makes them enjoy the ride.

  19. HoaiPhai says:

    Ha-ha! Your last line reminds me of the Monty Python “Piranha Brothers” bit where Eric Idle says of one of the Dinsdales “He was a cruel man, but fair”!

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