On Any Given Sunday….

The Hook will encounter…

  • HORRIBLY MISMATCHED COUPLES – She’s usually hot, he’s a genetic anomaly.
  • JAPANESE TOUR GUIDES ON CRACK – They’re not human, and not in a cool way either!
  • GUESTS THAT CALL THE BELL DESK FOR THEIR CARRepeat after me, “You have to visit the Valet Desk if you only require your car, not bell service!”

  • HORNY, STILL-DRUNK YOUNG GUYS – They arrive expecting to get laid. They wind up getting more action from each other – they just refuse to admit it!
  • EVEN HORNIER, YOUNG GIRLS – They should behave like ladies, but they’re full of cupcakes and cheap wine in a box! They usually put the guys to shame.
  • GUESTS WHO CAN’T COUNT – “How many bags would you like to store?” The response is stunned silence, except for the Jeopardy theme in their heads!
  • FAMILIES WHO USE A BABY STROLLER AS A BELL CART – “Junior can crawl, Margaret! I need my money for Coors and smokes!” But definitely not birth control.
  • GUESTS WHO ASK INTELLIGENT QUESTIONS- “It’s check-out time, why is it so busy in a hotel with 1000 rooms?”
  • CHILDREN WHO ARE A MIX OF THE FLASH AND A RABID WOLVERINE – They race around the lobby like their skin is on fire!


  •  PEOPLE WHO TRY TO CHECK-IN DURING CHECK-OUT – “Why is it so busy right now?”
  • “GIRLFRIENDS” WHO ARE REALLY HOOKERS – Who are they trying to fool?
  • USED “GIRLFRIENDS” WHO STUMBLE THROUGH THE LOBBY AT CHECK-OUT TIME – I’d like to inject some humor here, but then I remember they were someone’s little girl once, and I feel a twinge of sadness for how far they’ve fallen.

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
This entry was posted in Hotel Employees, Hotel Life, Humor, Life, Postaweek2011, Social Commentary, Travel, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

55 Responses to On Any Given Sunday….

  1. preachersdaughter69 says:

    If Little Bubba wasn’t going as Dr. Booger this year, I’d definitely have to get him the Flash costume. 🙂

    Great post!

  2. Sandi Ormsby says:

    Usually when it’s a “hot” girl, and not so good looking guy…he’s usually a Rock Star of some sort. (or professional athlete) If you Google and don’t find anything, he’s probably using a ficticious name.

    Lake Forest, CA

  3. cupcakes and boxed wine … oh the 90’s.

  4. Deborah the Closet Monster says:

    “Junior can crawl, Margaret! I need my money for Coors and smokes!”
    Bwahaha! Li’l D likes turning his stroller into a carriage, but only in the apartment.

    “Intelligent questions” also makes me laugh, but also with twinges of pain. I wish this could be escaped everywhere–on and off the job!

  5. “he’s a genetic anomaly” – with a huge penis and even bigger wallet. What’s not to love?

  6. raisingdaisy says:

    And yet somehow these people earn enough of a living to afford your hotel….makes you wonder, doesn’t it?

  7. mindslam says:

    Checking in during checkout has to be fun.

  8. Jo Bryant says:

    cupcakes and boxed wine – sorry I have to say ’80’s’ really – oh the people YOU meet – so glad it is NOT me – now what was the name of your hotel again – for when I do THE BOOK tour – hehehehehehehe

  9. jennygoth says:

    escort girls sounds up market here we call them posh tarts or something else i cannot say on here but they stand on the streets in big citys hmm you meet all kinds hook xxjen

  10. Spectra says:

    Idea: Put the birth controll IN the cigarettes and Beer! Problem solved!

  11. 😆 @ CHILDREN WHO ARE A MIX OF THE FLASH AND A RABID WOLVERINE – They race around the lobby like their skin is on fire!

    I would love to follow you and witness your encounters with these people. I’d be invisible of course.

  12. Aaron Babcock says:

    Now that I managed to stop laughing, I have to ask (since you brought up Japanese tour guides) do you often encounter Japanese tourists taking pictures of really random things while incredibly over-dressed in shiny black suits? I’ve encountered this a number of times at my local beach, which being in the midwest is hardly a tourist photography mecca.

  13. Cute photo of the little boy! Little kids can definitely move like the Flash at times, that’s for sure!

    Last time I stayed at a hotel, we used my mom’s wheelchair as a cart to save money….but to be fair, we were there for a convention that was paid for by others, so I consider that a little different than if we had picked out the hotel, booked and paid for it ourselves. It WAS a super expensive hotel, too….considering most of the people OTHER than the people speaking at the convention wouldn’t have been able to afford to stay there otherwise.

  14. I like the way your daddy instincts come out at the end… yeah, someone’s daughter, someone’s sister, granddaughter, niece. So so sad.

  15. maxiecole87 says:

    You are also forgetting about college football fans, not sure where your hotel is located, but any given Saturday our lobby is full of drunk pre-tailgating fans and then post game drunkies who are either super pumped, depressed, or angry will sleep in past the time the Sunday morning breakfast buffet closes and then be angry that they have to order off the menu and they only have five minutes to check out.

  16. How about cupcakes and Vodka? I don’t like wine…

  17. matthewhyde says:

    ALL kids are a mix of the Flash and a rabid Wolverine!

  18. Thanks for posting this as I love to laugh. This is one of my favorite places to stop. I had to move, and then work and now again no work. Sorry I have not been as attentive, will try harder..thanks for always being my friend.

    • The Hook says:

      You never have to thank me for my friendship, Jackie! I’m not the most attentive blogging buddy, either. It is extremely difficult to keep up with writing your own posts, never mind reading others!
      See you soon.

  19. Caroline says:

    Eesh, I can think of a few former college friends who are so the girls dressed to the nines, donning cupcakes and wine, thinking they’re God’s gift. Just try to imagine when they go to Vegas. Oh boy.

  20. Androgoth says:

    Well with all those Horny goings on it must be difficult getting a good nights kip around your hotel, of course we never get any sleep whenever we go to one and now that you have explained the reason, well we will just have to make less noise I guess 🙂 😉 lol

    I like your style of blogging Hook as there is always something extremely interesting, ghoulishly wicked, fangtastically riveting and… Well lots of that horny stuff too, well in moderation of course? 🙂 lol

    Be good now Hook…
    But Never Too Good 🙂


  21. I shamefully admit I found a younger version of myself among your myriad of characters. I could hold my liquor back in the day. Make a fool of myself…me? Nahhh….

  22. I have to add, that I use to cut hair, our salon would close at 9:00 so we are open 9-9 that is 12 F________hours, and 8 I would work…and nights, so I was a “closer” and there is always one F________IDIOT that will run in and say, “can you squeeze in one more cut tonight?”
    The franchise owners will not let us say NO…so I would always get STUCK doing the hair cut. Then the closing procedures and then getting home late again…it is just amazing how last minute inconsiderate PEOPLE ARE-maybe I should blog about this,,, LOL you make me laugh, thanks Jackie~

  23. Lafemmeroar says:

    Hilarious and totally echoes the malfunction of the universe 🙂

  24. Androgoth says:

    Have a really great weekend
    Hook and have lots of wicked fun 🙂


  25. HoaiPhai says:

    You missed one! Guests with OCPD disputing their bills with a line-up of 999 behind them!

  26. jakesprinter says:

    Awesome post 🙂

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