It’s so cold in Canada…
ONE) “I just saw a beaver hire a construction crew to build his… well, I’m not allowed to say the word… but you get it right? It was too cold for Mr. Beaver to be in the water, that’s how cold it was!” – Seven-year-old Timmy (I swear that’s the name his lazy progenitors came up with!) from Boston, a particularly-happy guest who tipped me out of his own Spider-Man wallet. Timmy rocked.
Beautiful or not, this is too much for some folks.
TWO) A Mexican family cut their stay to Canada short by two weeks and headed back home rather than deal with, “This crazy Canadian weather! We’d rather take a job building Mr. Trump’s wall than spend another second in this frozen country!”
THREE) All tea is currently considered iced tea.
Yeah, that one sucked, but it’s the thought that counts, right?
FOUR) I took a deep breath during my morning walk to work and It’s so cold I chipped my tooth on the frigid air.
FIVE) His political opponents are burning Justin Trudeau in effigy just to stay warm.
“Screw this weather! I’m flying to Florida.. later, you frozen bitches!”
SIX) My dog went outside to empty her bladder and came back in dragging a lemon popsicle behind her…
SEVEN) The doormen and valet drivers are looking for empty oil drums to turn into outdoor heaters, hobo style. (I guess I shouldn’t have suggested the idea in the first place.)
EIGHT) The squirrels in my neighborhood are actually surrendering themselves to the Humane Society just to have a warm place to hang out. (Seriously, a group of squirrels actually tried to walk into the front door of our local HS.)
NINE) It’s so cold Tim Hortons franchise owners like Ron Joyce Jr., heir to one of the founders, took off to Florida after taking away his employees’ paid break, paid benefits and other perks.
Oh wait, he did that because he’s a greedy douche. Never mind.
TEN) It’s so cold in Canada that…
You know what? you can finish this one in the comments, right? Have fun with it.
See you in the frozen lobby friends…
You've Been Hooked! 
Even the icicles have icicles!
Oh well Robert, I tried. Enjoy your iced tea. 🙂
Will do!
And by the way, you knocked it out of the park!
Ha! Thanks!
It’s so cold in Canada that as I type this my fingers froze to the Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Exceedingly-well done!
I saw this one on facebook just now.
It’s so cold in Canada l’m staying in SoCal. Today’s high will be 75 F. 😎
Oh, you suck, C.E.!
(But I love ya anyway.)
It’s so cold in Canada, there are no nipples left. (I didn’t know how to fit this into my next blog post so, you’re welcome.)
Thanks, Tara!
It’s so cold in Canada the Calgary zoo brought their penquins indoors, just to be on the safe side.
Nice!
Good job, Ladryl.
It is so cold in Canada the Canadian geese changed their name to the Galveston geese and aren’t coming back.
I should’ve known you’d be at the top of the pack, John.
Thanks for weighing in.
Ha ha ha. Thanks, Hook
It’s so cold in Canada that hockey players are moving to South America and taking up soccer.
Love it!
Thanks!
It’s not just Canada. It’s so cold in Florida that the iguanas are falling out of the trees. Of course it doesn’t have to get all that cold for them to do that, but they don’t know that…
Iguanas are nuts, Doug… but I dig ’em anyway.
Lol 😂
It’s so cold in Ottawa, a flasher came up to me on Bank Street and described himself to me.
(From a Rich Little concert many years ago.)
Rich Little is a genius!
(And so are you, SW.)
Moi????? You make me blush, sir.
It’s so cold in Canada that only very stable world leaders even dare walk around outside…
There’s a reason you have so many followers, Austin.
Well done, good sir.
Brrrrr ❄️❄️❄️❄️ Robert. Come visit our beautiful state where it’s between mid to high 70s daily. ☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️
If only I could…
Hey a reason to bring your daughter West
True.
But my daughter has IC and between that medical nightmare and school, she’s not going anywhere anytime soon, sadly.
Sorry to hear that about daughter.
Thanks.
She’s one of the bravest souls I know.
She has her good and bad days like everyone.
It’s so cold in Canada I farted snowflakes today! Sorry that’s kinda crude, but funny!
It works, Theresa, but next time tell that joke downwind, okay?
Further to my flasher post: Something like that actually kind of happened. A friend & I left a restaurant and went to get my car in a parking lot. It was one of those jeesly cold (as Ron James might say) Ottawa winter nights. I turned on the headlights and there was a guy some yards in front of us, unobstructed by any cars, taking a leak against a building. He turned in the spotlight and displayed his wares. My friend waved, I honked the horn, and we exited the parking lot laughing our heads off and wondering if his willie would get frost bite. Gawd, I haven’t thought about that in decades!!
I can see why!
What in the world was a Mexican family thinking to come to Canada in winter? Cold, snow and more cold is kind of what we’re known for. I hope you told them that they should come back in February when it really gets chilly. 😀
Now I wish I had!
Brits are moaning because the temperature has had the temerity to sink into minus double figures
You lucky devils…
It’s 22°C in India and it’s cold outside. 😉
Again, you lucky souls…
Say that in summer. 😉
Fair point.
That your penguins at the zoo had to be brought inside!!! True story… you guys are crazy cold! 💨❄🌨
You know it, CW!
It was so cold that it wasn’t just cold,,,It was FUCKING cold!
Indeed!
Hilarious, Robert! 🙂
Thanks, CR!