It’s so cold in Canada…
ONE) “I just saw a beaver hire a construction crew to build his… well, I’m not allowed to say the word… but you get it right? It was too cold for Mr. Beaver to be in the water, that’s how cold it was!” – Seven-year-old Timmy (I swear that’s the name his lazy progenitors came up with!) from Boston, a particularly-happy guest who tipped me out of his own Spider-Man wallet. Timmy rocked.
TWO) A Mexican family cut their stay to Canada short by two weeks and headed back home rather than deal with, “This crazy Canadian weather! We’d rather take a job building Mr. Trump’s wall than spend another second in this frozen country!”
THREE) All tea is currently considered iced tea.
Yeah, that one sucked, but it’s the thought that counts, right?
FOUR) I took a deep breath during my morning walk to work and It’s so cold I chipped my tooth on the frigid air.
FIVE) His political opponents are burning Justin Trudeau in effigy just to stay warm.
SIX) My dog went outside to empty her bladder and came back in dragging a lemon popsicle behind her…
SEVEN) The doormen and valet drivers are looking for empty oil drums to turn into outdoor heaters, hobo style. (I guess I shouldn’t have suggested the idea in the first place.)
EIGHT) The squirrels in my neighborhood are actually surrendering themselves to the Humane Society just to have a warm place to hang out. (Seriously, a group of squirrels actually tried to walk into the front door of our local HS.)
NINE) It’s so cold Tim Hortons franchise owners like Ron Joyce Jr., heir to one of the founders, took off to Florida after taking away his employees’ paid break, paid benefits and other perks.
Oh wait, he did that because he’s a greedy douche. Never mind.
TEN) It’s so cold in Canada that…
You know what? you can finish this one in the comments, right? Have fun with it.
See you in the frozen lobby friends…