Then again, they don’t really have to, do they?
This duo stretched my sanity, no doubt about it.
TIM: Baby, when we get to the room I’m going to fuck you blind!
JENNIFER: TIM!
TIM: Fine, Jenny… When we get to the room, I’m going to be on you like Rob Ford on a pork chop coated in crack!
JENNIFER: We’re in an elevator! The Bellguy is listening!
THE HOOK: Just pretend I’m not even here.
TIM: What happens in the elevator stays in the elevator, right?
THE HOOK: (In a fit of boisterous laughter.) Oh no! In fact, I have a blog!
BOTH: Oh…
JENNIFER: Well, in that case… Let’s give him something top blog about, baby, shall we?
Tim and Jennifer then made the Moronic Beast With Two Backs. In the elevator. Right in front of me.
Fortunately the elevator arrived at its destination before Tim could, shall we say, tenderize Jennifer’s pork chop?
Unfortunately, the elevator doors opened to reveal a family of five Amish folks whose children resembled a trio of evildoers straight out of Children of the Corn.
I couldn’t make this stuff up, kids…
This actually came up when I Googled “stupid people having sex“…
By the way, thank you to everyone who wished me a happy birthday the other day. You’re all cooler than bacon-wrapped puppies dipped in rainbows. I mean that.
You've Been Hooked! 
o.O
I . . . will just leave it at this: You are made of stern stuff.
I have no choice, Deborah.
Wow! I see how your job feeds your blog posts. Pretty crazy stuff (kind of funny, though)
Definitely funny, Alan – in a very odd way, of course.
“children resembled a trio of evildoers straight out of Children of the Corn”
OK, I was giggling at the scenario (though, I do feel your pain…yep) and then choked on that line. I wonder if any of them were named Mordecai?
Thank you for this today, my friend. You can say for sure that your blog brought a smile to more than one person today 🙂
That makes me smile, old friend. Thank you.
I wonder if Jen’s pork chop was coated in crack?
Or was her crack coated in pork chop?
Funny
Leader has a knack for one-liners, doesn’t he?
Seems a bit awkward. Did you at least offer to help?
Seriously?
I felt stuff crawlin’ on me just watching them!
Oh eww….Hook! Really? That is sum nasty stuff!!
Please, please tell me they asked for the name of your blog!
Not to worry, Robyn, I know how to plug myself!
Wait, that didn’t come out right…
Bahahahaaa!! What a perfect reply to end the week with!
Well good morning to you too. Some people…
Indeed..
I love pork chops!
Who doesn’t?
I love crack!
I’m sorry, I have no idea what comes over me sometimes (oops,excuse the pun), but did you really have to publish that..?
Never a dull day in your life 🙂
I felt I owed it to my loyal readers, Jennifer.
Ok, I’ll try to do better next time for you.;-)
*blinks*
*pauses*
Wait… You’re the Jennifer from the story?
Lol, no, just pulling Hook’s leg.
Whew!
Please tell me I’m misunderstanding this. They had sex. In the elevator. While you were in it.
They tried to, Steph.
Fortunately, the elevator ride was mercifully short.
Ah, makes me glad I’m not working in the public anymore. LOL Almost, because it’s great blog fodder if nothing else. Did you at least give pointers?? hahahaha
Trust me, Jackie, I could have, but I didn’t have time!
Thanks for the laughs to head into the weekend. Well, my weekend. I guess some people have to work, but I can’t fathom that actually, so it must be a terrible rumor… a bad joke, if you will. 😛
It’s all to real I’m afraid.
I was reading this going all “Ohmygosh. Did they really” and then I went like “OH NO! I missed your birthday!” and I forgot what I read before. Kid you not. Somethings are more important than two weird people in an elevator. 🙂
Happy Belated Birthday to you! Hope you had a fabulously magical day, Hook. Big hugs.
Thanks, TJ!
And don’t feel bad, I just wish I had time to visit your cool corner of the blogosphere.
it’s not like you didn’t warn them …
Exactly!
I suppose if I asked you if you get paid enough for this, your answer would be NO! A wild guess, that is! 🙂
An accurate guess, Marina!
Then again, stories like this are priceless.
I say “what a job you have…”
Yep.
Oh. My. Goodness. Shame on people!! Shame shame shame! Lol
And that meme was hysterical. 🙂
You can thank Tim and Jennifer for the post, Kate, and Google for the odd-yet-hilarious meme.
Oh…that’s all I have to say really.
I can’t blame you, really, Jo.
LOVE Jeselnik. He was great at that Comedy Central roast of Charlie Sheen.
Some people wanna come as close to exhibitionism as they can without actually showing anything off.
Indeed!
Although they would have finished if they could have, most likely.
How many stories is this hotel? If it’s less than 100, finishing on the ride down is kind of lame!
Also – mention the security cameras in the elevator and the habit the security guys have of saving the videos of this kind of thing. Even if it’s not true, it’s hilarious!
True.
Thanks!
Or don’t mention the security cameras. The security camera guys need something to blog about, too.
Lol true
bawhahaha! people are down right crazy! I think you need a big fat (pardon the pun) raise! I hope they tipped you well although you may not want to touch anything coming from their hands..
No to worry, I burned off a layer of skin soon after.
I think I would too!
Whaaaaaaat oh my god some people have no shame!
These two were a product of our “Anything Goes” age, I’m afraid.
Hey Bellguy, no wonder you are never at a loss for words with all that swirling around you.
I could never offend any of these sex maniacs, I’m afraid.
I’m laughing so hard right now. I want to do your job so bad!
Remember, Eva, I only write about the calls that stand out. Most folks aren’t sexually depraved – or at the very least, they keep it well hidden!
I know… but still! Crap, I can’t stop laughing at your post. That was so damn funny, Hook.
Thanks, Eva.
Love it Hook! And nice touch on the whole “pretend not here…”
Most people don’t have to be told, Sean.
“cooler than bacon-wrapped puppies dipped in rainbows”?? Hmmmmm I am having a hard time with THAT visual…could you elaborate?? HA HA HA!! What is that old saying? Truth is stranger than fiction!! I don’t think you could (even though you are very talented writer guy) make that stuff up!!! Have an awesome weekend Hookey! 😉
I will, Courtney, count on it!
But I can’t elaborate on the metaphor… I was in the zone and now it doesn’t make any sense!
Too bad they didn’t get to finish. You could’ve given them a little golf clap at the end.
I doubt I would have been able to move! I would have been paralyzed with shock/amazement/fear.
“Give him something to blog about…” Now anyone thinks they are a song writer.
Fortunately the Amish kids are familiar with barns and livestock. City animals are so different?
Good one, Hook
McCartney once sang “People are the same wherever you go,”
How true.
}8-0>
Sorry, Hook. Couldn’t like, as this might be construed as approval for Timbits and JenniFurLess, may they be blessed with many children (of the corn).
I respect your decision, as always.
Aww happy birthday Hook! Sorry I missed it!
And omg that is an insane and disturbing story!
Indeed, Lily!
And thanks!
One day my log will have something to say about this.
Of that I have no doubt.
Wait…so, you’re saying it’s WRONG to have sex in an elevator in front of the bellman?
Woopsie. Live and learn.
The polite thing to do would be to ask him to turn away, I presume.
OMG – okay, this is really weird.
I haven’t been reading blogs lately. I’ve missed a couple of your posts, and I was just coming to your blog.
You’re FREAKING ME OUT!!!!
you have to admit, that was a strange coincidence.
Wait, whose blog are we hijacking now?
And I am reading your post right now.
And I assume we’ll just hijack The Hook’s elevator, until some Amish family walks in on this thread 🙂
No, the polite thing to do would be to ask him to join in.
Yes! And tip him afterwards.
Then say: “Do you like my big fat tip, huh?”
Belated Happy Birthday, dear Sir ! !
Thank you, dear girl!
Wait, are Amish allowed to use elevators? Shouldn’t they have some kind of horse-powered buggies to lift them up the stairs?
They were staying in the fifty-storey tower; that would be cruelty to animals!
True, but I think they will avoid elevators from after this incident, anyway. And there are plenty of foors below the 50th.
Guess I wouldn’t be cooking pork chop tonight.
I wouldn’t advise it.
I was due to have a pork chop for dinner today….gone off the idea now
I don’t blame you, Jim.
I missed your birthday? WHAAAAT?! Happy belated birthday, Hook!
And I’m so sorry you had to see that. You really have seen it all now, I’m sure. Hopefully.
I hope I can never say I’ve seen it all, Nadia.
What would I do then?
And thanks for everything.
Now I know how Rob Ford keeps himself infused with crack. Pork chops. Pork chops has been the answer all along. We need to take away that man’s pork chops.
I shall never again touch anything in an elevator. Do you have yours steam cleaned daily?
I’m afraid not, Michelle.
Haha! Oh no, I have a blog. So funny! Glad those children didn’t eat you…
Me too, Jaded!
I just read a blog yesterday mentioning something about sex being a sport. I don’t know what you put in your cornflakes in the morning, but don’t ever run out. Some people are worse than animals.
They sure are, my friend.
And not to worry, I’ll never change.
Ha ha. 😛
LMAO! HaHa! Great visuals in your words.. 🙂
xoxo
What a great compliment.
Thanks, ‘Tis!
🙂 xoxo
Some people have no shame, but I suppose it makes good blog fodder! Hope you had a wonderful birthday. I think I wished you a happy one, but just in case happy belated birthday!!! xx
Thanks, Deanna!
Waitaminnit… One moment the chick is scolding her man for talking sex in front of you and the next she INITIATES the actual sex? WTF?
Women are wonderfully complex creatures, my friend.
You don’t say! Then again, would we want them any other way?
Wow. Your hotel gets all types, eh? Amish and people screwing in the elevator.
What can I say?
The magnetic field generated by the Falls is a douche magnet, apparently.
Wow, Hook, you described this so well, I felt like I was there. Oh, ick, going to shower. 😉
Sorry.
But at least you’ll be refreshed!
Yes, true…I can only imagine what you go through every day!
You must go through the anti-bacterial stuff!
Seriously? Like, really. Seriously??? Did that happen? I just can’t believe it. Nope. Can’t.
Believe it, old friend.
For real.