Then again, they don’t really have to, do they?
This duo stretched my sanity, no doubt about it.
TIM: Baby, when we get to the room I’m going to fuck you blind!
TIM: Fine, Jenny… When we get to the room, I’m going to be on you like Rob Ford on a pork chop coated in crack!
JENNIFER: We’re in an elevator! The Bellguy is listening!
THE HOOK: Just pretend I’m not even here.
TIM: What happens in the elevator stays in the elevator, right?
THE HOOK: (In a fit of boisterous laughter.) Oh no! In fact, I have a blog!
JENNIFER: Well, in that case… Let’s give him something top blog about, baby, shall we?
Tim and Jennifer then made the Moronic Beast With Two Backs. In the elevator. Right in front of me.
Fortunately the elevator arrived at its destination before Tim could, shall we say, tenderize Jennifer’s pork chop?
Unfortunately, the elevator doors opened to reveal a family of five Amish folks whose children resembled a trio of evildoers straight out of Children of the Corn.
I couldn’t make this stuff up, kids…
This actually came up when I Googled “stupid people having sex“…
By the way, thank you to everyone who wished me a happy birthday the other day. You’re all cooler than bacon-wrapped puppies dipped in rainbows. I mean that.