This is Not a Post. This is a Declaration of War.

Jesse Eisenberg has been cast as Lex Luthor in Batman vs. Superman.

Jesse.

Freakin.

Eisenberg.

This twerp looks like he’s not even old enough to shave. Anywhere. And he’s going to portray the Alpha Male of the villain community?

A guy known the world over for portraying mousy, insecure wisps of men has been cast as DC Comics’ number one baddie. Forget Batfleck.

(but you won’t be able to, the name burns your mind)

Forget the Wonder Woman that has reportedly been referred to in the script solely as “Diana” – and her non-existent chest.

(but you won’t be able to, the thought burns your soul)

Forget Warner Bros. apparent disregard for all that is good and holy in the world of fandom. (I can just picture how it went down: A trio of Warner Bros. execs gathered in a hotel suite sniffing lines of coke off the asses of wannabe actresses clad only in tight Bugs Bunny t-shirts and cheap Batgirl and Wonder Woman costumes, as one of them shouts “Hey! Let’s really screw with the nerds and run Batman vs. Superman into the ground by letting the Kardashians take over the casting!“)

‘Cause, you know, that’s how things work in Hollywood, right? I mean, nothing else makes sense. Warner Bros. can’t possibly be that incompetent, can they?

Can they?

Regardless of how this whole casting abomination unfolded, I still feel a fatal beating should be administered to someone in the Batman vs. Superman production offices. Ben Affleck is a superb actor – when he’s not Jack Ryan or in the general proximity of, engaged to, or married to anyone named Jennifer – but he’s no Batman I want to see on the big screen. Jesse Eisenberg is a joy to watch – when he’s chasing zombies, not plotting world domination – but he’s no Luthor. Even if he was cast as Luthor’s brain-damaged, well-meaning, half-sibling, he’d be dead in minutes after a true Luthor got their hands on him.

And speaking of strangulation, I still think Warner Bros. needs a wake-up call in the form of some type of physical torture, but it won’t happen. They’ll get away with this crime as they have so many others. Fanboys like myself will support them by not only chugging their Kool-Aid, but by writing about a film that isn’t due to be unleashed like a dirty bomb across cineplexes world-wide for another two years.

I’m an idiot.

But I’d still make a better Luthor than Eisenberg.

Doesn’t anyone at Warner Bros have Billy Zane’s number?

Have fun screaming at your televisions during the Super Bowl, sports fans.

(Unfortunately, I’ll have to wait to see the Amazing Spider-Man 2 and Captain America: The Winter Soldier TV spots as I am a proud but deprived Canuck.)

See you in the lobby…

(In my defense, I really am trying to be more positive, but some things can’t be helped.)

One last thing: Read this post by Nicki Daniels and thank me later.

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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156 Responses to This is Not a Post. This is a Declaration of War.

  1. Gede Prama says:

    Thank you my friend, I am proud to be able to read the writing on your article!

  2. I am not necessarily a movie guy, but hell, Pee Wee Herman would be a better Lex Luthor than this guy.

  3. bardictale says:

    That’s…painful. And here I thought it could only get better. Will he shave his head at least?

  4. All I can think is some dumb casting director connected the dots like Jesse Eisenberg played Mark Zuckerberg who is an evil mastermind, therefore he could play Lex Luthor who is an evil mastermind? I agree it’s staggeringly stupid.

    Thanks for the shout-out, but I think you’re going to get me in trouble. People love football.

  5. Carrie Rubin says:

    Hmm, I’m not so sure–I’ll wait to see him in action before I make my final decision. My initial thought, too, was “Huh?” But Eisenberg’s a talented actor. He might just surprise you. I think some of the most fun performances to watch are those where we think the actor won’t be at all villainous and then ends up being brilliantly so. The guy who plays Loki in Thor is a good example of that. Stole the show in my opinion. We’ll see, Hook, we’ll see!

    • The Hook says:

      Yes, we will, Carrie.
      I’ll say this: You’re a kind and generous soul.

      • Carrie Rubin says:

        Well, I like to keep an open mind. I just hope I won’t be hearing “I told you so!” from multiple sources. My son will be first in line. As a huge superhero comic book and movie fan, he’s not pleased with the choice.

  6. Could be worse. Could be Michael Cera.

  7. HoaiPhai says:

    Old enough to shave? He doesn’t even look old enough to go to the store by himself to buy his dad razor blades!

  8. NotAPunkRocker says:

    What? I had to check to make sure this wasn’t a story on “The Onion”.

    Billy Zane would be amazing, but if they are going younger surely there was someone else out there. Anybody? Please?

  9. kerbey says:

    Bless his heart. Maybe his pubic hair will come in right before shooting, and it will all turn out okay. But I’m incline to agree that Billy Zane would be a much better candidate. This is like film blasphemy. I don’t care about Affleck in his controversial role, but mercy, Eisenberg is a good actor in the PARTS THAT SUIT HIM. I’m afraid this isn’t a good match. Is pot legal in California? That might be part of this bad choice.

  10. TYTG says:

    My date today informed me of this and I was outraged. You’re not supposed to be visibly angry on a first date! I will hold Warner Bros accountable if I don’t get asked out for round two

  11. List of X says:

    I think you should give Eisenberg a chance. Lex Luthor wasn’t born an adult evil mastermind, and probably had to pass his evil teenager mastermind at some point.

  12. robincoyle says:

    I think you should play the part. Yup. The more I think about it . . . you.

  13. Pyx says:

    I read ‘deceleration of war’ and showed up armed to give you my support …

    This is the moment where good men go bad, one honourable Bellman begins to plot his revenge and amass an evil bellmen army , so that one day while an unsuspecting WB executive checks in to a hotel, he can exact his revenge.

    Yes, you would make a better Lex than Eisenberg but right now I am going to sheathe my sword and make some coffee while you try and be more positive – because your negative is pretty entertaining I must say.

  14. Hook,

    Gotta a complaint to make. Went and checked out the Nicki Daniels link at the end of your post. She put up the feminist crap about increased/rampant domestic violence against women during Super Bowl Sunday (SBS). This feminist fraud was disproven 20 years ago. Here’s my comment to Nicki:

    “3. Wife Beating during SBS? F*A*L*S*E. Feminist propaganda. Been thoroughly discredited by Christina Hoff Sommers, Ph.D., in her 1994 book “Who Stole Feminism? How Women Have Betrayed Women,” chapter 9 “Noble Lies.” You’re 20 years out of date on the social research.

    “Never believe what feminists say is true. Never.”

    Love your You’ve Been Hooked blog and its humour. Just wanted to flag this feminist lie that was getting in via the back door. It’s feminist lies and academic fraud like this that have helped result in tons of kids being deprived of their fathers by feminist family “justice” courts. Just like mine were.

    Sorry for the serious comment on a fun rant declaration of war. Please nuke it if you want. Cheers.

    • The Hook says:

      I wouldn’t nuke your comment any more than I would Nicki’s. I respect and admire all my friends and their views. Nicki lives to entertain and push buttons and she always will.
      I respect her for her abilities.
      And I feel the same about you.
      Ans that’s all I have to say about that.

  15. Ok, lets all take a breath….perhaps he is meant to be Lex’s much younger self in a flashback….And WB is not realeasing full details? Theres got to be a logical explanation.

    I vote for Billy Zane.
    I always vote for Billy Zane.

  16. Jo Bryant says:

    I am going to play the wait and see game Hook. I actually like the idea of Ben Affleck as Batman. I think he has it in him. And you know how I love The Batman.

    As to this choice for Lex, who knows. Thinking on his performance in ‘Now You See Me’, I have to say that perhaps there might be hope for a not all too awful Lex. I remember when Kevin Spacey got the role…I was so sure that he would not make a great Lex…but he did.

    At the time though I love Henry Cavill [did you ever see him in ‘The Tudors’ where he played the Duke of Suffolk? Brilliant.], but I couldn’t quite see him as The Man of Steel. Yet I loved the movie.

    Sorry if this rambles a bit…my mind is a bit all over the place…just reeling from the news that Sir Philip Seymour Hoffman is dead. What a waste of such a brilliant talent. I have loved him since Almost Famous, and he was brilliant in Along Came Polly…hell he was brilliant. !!!

    My sad face is out today. 😦

  17. 1jaded1 says:

    I’m thanking you now…ugh, really? Very poor casting job.

  18. I don’t know how you can be positive over any of this casting!! It’s breaking my nerd-girl heart!

  19. I totally agree. Lex Luther needs to be a big strong guy with no hair. ah well.

  20. Tom Lucas says:

    It’s going to be a beautiful disaster.

  21. Brenda says:

    Who knew Lex Luther was a nerd. LOL

  22. Tom Merriman says:

    I’ve never heard of this actor before, Hook, but he does look rather young to be Lex Luthor – I thought that as soon as I read the casting on the news. I was also surprised to read that Wonder Woman will be in the movie – they have been trying to get her into a movie for a few years now – and now I’m surprised that she will only appear as Diana.

    Didn’t Ben Affleck play Daredevil or someone? I get very confused when the same actors play different superheroes. Still, I’m looking forward to the movie, and hope that it won’t be a dud. Time will tell…

  23. The Waiting says:

    I’m not even a big Superman fan and I can see that this is totally wrong. What’s next? Casting Michael Cera as a Batman villain? *Shudders.*

  24. Jesus. All of you should just take a pill and step back a second. Everyone had a big hissy fit when Michael Keaton was cast as Batman. I also remember much grumbling when Toby Maguire was cast as Spider-Man and when Daniel Craig was cast as the new Bond. It seems to me everything worked out pretty well in the end. You never know about this stuff. You never know!

  25. Jennifer says:

    While not an obvious choice, we must wait and see, keep and open mind and hope it’s not a complete train wreck, or just hope he falls flat on his face ;-/

  26. Maybe Warner Brothers is trying to “change the face of Superhero” – you know, like you don’t have to be popular/sexy/muscular/big bosomed to be a successful hollywood superhero. Not that I’m defending them or anything… But then again, maybe that’s why we have Peter Parker? And, maybe that’s why Toby Maguire fit him so well… I don’t know.
    Hook, I’m very sorry that this is such horrible news for you. I will mourn for you.

  27. janeybgood says:

    Maybe they’re taking a whole other angle with this…Lex Luthor: The Whiny Bratty Teenage Years. To be fair, villains are supposed to annoy us, and this guy really gets under my skin. It might work. But Billy Zane would’ve been amazing.

  28. Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman and now Eisenberg? Plus the fact they delayed it for a year; this is either genius or a disaster. It just sounds like way too much is happening. The storyline must be Bible-sized by now.

  29. Noooooo! Perhaps they also plan to make it a musical with lots of singing and boy bands to appeal to the younger market?

    Maybe it’s just Backwards World…or a way to get publicity. Maybe there will be a last minute casting change….

    Have to hope..(Special effects can do wonders with makeup and plastic muscle suits these days? gag. I’m gagging)

  30. Nadia says:

    Lex Luthor called. He wants his balls back.

  31. Michael says:

    Yeah, this is ridiculous. And I wish they WOULD cast you as Lex Luthor. You’d have to go bald, of course, but still….you’d be a heck of a lot better than what’s his face.

  32. This is for real? Even I am aghast. Truly, that must have been some party before the announcement came out.

  33. OK, I couldn’t care less, really, but even being on the outside of comic book heroics, (and within my son’s deep disdain because of), I can understand the apprehension of a child-like garden ornament set to play Lex. However, as some say, you never know…. What I really love though, is how you get your points across in writing. So, so funny, and angry, and poignant, and well, Hookish.

  34. samara says:

    Jesse Eisenberg is HOT.

    He can play anyone in anything and I’d love him. I love nerds. He’s a hot nerd. Just my type. He’s going to KILL that role.

    I also love Josh Hutcherson – before Hunger Games. Like, when he was in Firehouse Dog. Yeah. So sue me.

  35. Trent Lewin says:

    Hook, I have to agree with Samara above. Eisenberg is going to knock this out of the park. Mark me words. Have you ever seen Adventureland? He killed that role – kid has acting chops. Plus, you know, everyone decried Heath Ledger’s casting as the Joker in The Dark Knight, and he owned that role in a way no one else could have. I think there is some genius to this casting.

    Now Affleck… yeah, no. Unless he brings beyond his A-game, movie may be all but lost. And honestly, I hated MOS with a passion – I’d take Superman Returns to that any day.

  36. Batman and Superman have nothing on a Level 29 Warforged Barbarian with world pheonix rage or a level 35 stunlock wizard. Oops, is my Dungeons and Dragons showing?

    {hiding and rolling d20 dice}

  37. Gawd I can only pray that there will be some major transformations to make Jesse pass as Lex Luthor! I mean if they are going all out to defile the legends in comics – they may as well cast Sharon Stone as Lex Luthor! She has more ‘balls’ and screen presence than Jesse. And I would be more inclined to believe that she is really evil to the core! Lol

  38. Chicken says:

    Maybe he’s a really good actor? I hope so because even I’m not seeing it and I am only mildly acquainted with Batman and crew. It’s fun thinking about who would make a great Lex Luther, though.

  39. veronicasbook says:

    AH, he’s not all bad. After all, his performance in Now You See Me was pretty good. Let’s just wait and see, shall we?

  40. Natasha says:

    I also wonder who is smoking what at Warner Bros. I would have been able to stomach Batfleck (barely), but the Eisenberg development is too much!

  41. I do like Jesse as he has delivered some pretty amazing performances, but I kind of doubt him in this role. Maybe he’ll prove us all wrong and do a good job?

  42. Dear Superman: Double tap.

  43. I’m not getting it either, Hook.

    I’m thinking either Bryan Cranston or Samuel L. Jackson would make a perfect Lex.

  44. Twindaddy says:

    I’m not a huge Superman fan. I don’t like Jesse Eisenberg. His voice annoys me. He annoys me. And I am very disappointed by this decision. It’s like they’re trying to get people to dislike this movie before it can even be seen.

  45. The Cutter says:

    What’s wrong with Eisenberg? We already associate him with Zuckerberg, and who’s to say that a modern Lex Luthor wouldn’t have started out in a similar manner?

  46. TK says:

    I’d rather not judge the movie until I see it. I think if he can really act the part, then the fact that he doesn’t 100% look the part won’t matter. If he can act the part.

    That said DC has been having very bad luck with their movies. They need to take some pointers for Marvel/Disney (since Disney owns them now). The Marvel movies – even when that have been inaccurate – have been pretty good so far.

  47. I totally agree with Billy Zane!!! My daughter and I have a super-crush on him!!! And he would be AWESOME!

  48. I just want to say I love the word ‘twerp’ – particularly when applied appropriately! 🙂

  49. djmatticus says:

    I don’t even know where to begin.

    Batfleck had already made me doubt the quality of this movie and now Jesse Eisenberg as Lex Luthor. Why? Who? What?! I know we shouldn’t make assumptions about a person’s acting abilities solely based on the movies they’ve been in, and a I certainly wouldn’t want to be character typed if I were an actor… but, he lacks the physical presence that Lex Luthor requires. Perhaps they are moving more to the mastermind side of things… evil genius without any fight training or desire to get his hands dirty…

    Or, maybe they are just lowering expectations so much ahead of time that by the time the movie comes out we will all be pleasantly surprised and flock to it because it is better than we had thought it was going to be. It could be a genius marketing move.

  50. TBM says:

    I hadn’t heard of this. I’m usually the last person to know anything, which made my job at a newspaper rather difficult. I’m curious to see how this plays out. I always hope for the best but prepare for the worst.

  51. Mal Content says:

    Ordinarily I try to reserve judgement until I’ve seen the film, because some bizarre casting choices can work better than expected. But I’m not a fan of Eisenberg and I think this is a lousy decision.

    However, here is a list of all the people who would do a worse job as Lex Luthor: Hayden Christensen, Shia Labeouf, Michael Cera… Um… Actually, that’s it. And I’m not sure about Micahel Cera.

  52. Aussa Lorens says:

    What the heck, you’ve got to be kidding me. I mean… I’ve seen some crazy casting decisions work out in the past so I’ll try to keep an open mind but I feel like Jessie Eisenberg is a huge douchebag who could be made to cry by the weakest of opponents. Not Lex Luthor material AT ALL.

  53. Dylan Dailey says:

    I like Eisenberg, I think it will be fine. I’m more upset about the skinny flat-chested Wonder Woman…

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