Even a seemingly simple trip in an elevator is anything but when you’re Fate’s chew toy.
WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW: The following conversation involves The Hook and a young, nubile guest. She was statuesque (as one African-American guest noted, “She one tall bitch!”), her hair was sun drenched and her make-up appeared to have been worked on by the same team responsible for the Sistine Chapel.
Her dress was as black and as powerful as a wormhole; you simply couldn’t avert your gaze.
One last thing of note: her chest appeared to have been designed and created by the same special effects studio that created the robots for Pacific Rim. In other words, the young lady had GINORMOUS breasts.
In fact, it was her appearance that gave this conversation some bite…
BLONDE WONDER WOMAN: My new boyfriend can’t guess my age, the silly goose!
She had to take great care to ensure her giggles did not evolve into full-blown laughter; a person could get well and truly injured that way.
I took a moment to test my resolve by remembering my wife’s name and then I answered my new friend.
THE HOOK: May I answer truthfully, miss?
BWW: Of course, you silly goose!
THE HOOK: I thought your new boyfriend was the silly goose?
BWW: Apparently you both are! Although he has bigger muscles than you –
THE HOOK: Then perhaps we should end this conversation right here. I bruise easy.
BWW: Oh, you! (lowering her voice to a whisper.) Not to worry, sweetie, I don’t tell my boyfriends everything!
THE HOOK: Thank God for that.
She appeared to be an inhabitant of the here and now but the truth was far more fascinating; she was a dictator’s concubine, curled up at his feet. She was a gangster’s moll, wrapped around his arm like a two-legged snake. She was a flapper. She was an anachronism.
She was still waiting for an answer to her query.
BWW: So answer my question, will you? How old do you think I am?
At that moment, the elevator paused its ascension to the heavens and three very perplexed travelers disembarked and headed for their rooms to process what was surely the strangest conversation they had ever overheard.
THE HOOK: To be honest, I suck at the age guessing thing, but I’m willing to bet parts of you are barely a year old!
BWW: How did you know?
THE HOOK: I’ve been doing this for a long time.
Too long, one might say.