He’s been from one end of the blogosphere to the other in support of his latest book and now it is time to take a breath. But before he exhales, Rohan Healy has one last thing to say, one last story to tell.
Take it away, mate.
Until my late teens I was a bit of a prankster. One of my favourites was calling random numbers, proclaiming myself as a radio host and telling the poor sap on the other end of the line that they’d just won a cash prize or holiday. I would put on the classic Australian radio jerk voice and say something like this:
“Hi this is Jack Davies from 186.5 FM and you’ve just won a million dollars and a trip to Hawaii!! Congratulations, you are today today’s BIG WINNER!!!!!”
To which they would usually reply with something like this:
“OH MY GOOOOOOD! I CAN’T BELIEVE IT! GOOOOOOO OFF!!!!”
And then I’d hang up. And laugh. A lot.
It’s cruel I know, but I when I was 12 years old that’s just how I was. Over time my phone pranks evolved. My brother and my cousin would hold their hands over their mouths to muffle the giggles as I would dial another random number.
“Hello ma’am this is Jack Davies from 186.5 FM and you’ve been chosen as our BIG WINNER today!”
“Ooh my goodness! I-I’m at work, let me just put you on speaker phone so everyone in the office can hear!”
“Go right ahead. Now when you’re ready all you have to do is cluck like a chicken for 10 seconds and you’ll win yourself a thousand dollars! You ready? Okay, three, two, one, GO!”
“Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack…”
The poor woman starts quacking like a duck, as my brother, my cousin and myself roll around the floor trying to contain our laughter. She was supposed to cluck like a chicken, but there she goes quacking like her life depended on it in front of her entire office. If hell exists I’ve already booked my place.
But this was not my greatest prank, oh no. Before I gave up pranking completely at 16 (yes, it was actually a conscious decision) I would pull a prank so devious I can barely believe I came up with it!
I was sitting in class, I was 15 years old. It was the last period and everyone was watching the clock. The work was done and we were just killing time when suddenly I hatched a plan. I motioned to my two friends to lean in close.
“Hey guys, I just thought of the funniest thing. Let’s tell D (not real name) that my dad needs a bone marrow transplant and that because the operation is so complex I have to go and live in China for two years with my whole family. Let’s say I’m moving in two months.”
We chuckled to ourselves. After class my two friends approached D with the news, asking him to keep it quiet. The next day I talked to him myself in order to break the news. For weeks we kept up the charade. I told him where we’d be living in China, and his visits to my place became very interesting indeed. D was being extra polite and considerate to my oblivious parents. I told him not to bring it up with my folks; too sensitive a matter. It was when he began organising the farewell party that I had to put an end to it.
After school one day my two co-conspirators and I confronted D. I told him everything, it was all a lie. No bone marrow transplant, no China, no illness, no risk to my dad’s life, no leaving, nothing. He stared at me blankly like a dog who doesn’t understand a word you are saying. And then he got angry, and then confused. He just couldn’t believe that we’d made it all up! And then he laughed. We all laughed. In the following days he commended us on the complexity of the prank, and our dedication to the act.
We remained good friends until I left Australia when I was 18.
I don’t know what attracted me to pranking in my younger days; having fun at someone else’s expense. Looking back now it all seems so cruel. I would not like to be pranked myself, and so these days I don’t prank others at all.
But hey, a funny story is a funny story. Have you ever been pranked? Or hatched a master prank yourself?
Thanks for reading, all the best!
I have to say, it has been an honor having a blogger of Rohan’s caliber enhance my site’s cool factor (assuming it has a cool factor, that is.)
Roahn’s latest tome is an exploration of a subject that every one of us has been preoccupied with since birth – which makes sense, since it led to our creation in the first place – and that is used to sell everything from beer to paper towels.
Our views and approach to S-E-X define us as human beings and I for one am glad to see someone as ridiculously cool as Rohan give this subject the treatment it deserves.
Way to go, buddy!