The world is waiting breathlessly as authorities hunt down a suspect in Boston.
I am staying the course and serving an increasingly-crazy public. All the while, random thoughts float in my consciousness, waiting to be explored and shared. Fortunately, I’ve snagged one or two.
The result? A few language tips that may come in handy the next time you leave your home, lair or domicile.
1) “Does your hotel dry-cleaning service handle fetish wear?”
2) “Where can I park my Batmobile?” (I wish Justin Bieber’s dad knew better when he arrived at the hotel.)
3) “Do you know where I can rent some shackles?”
4) “I’ve been sober for two hours!”
Followed immediately by…
5) “Can you direct me to the closest liquor store? Just in case?”
6) “Do you take Discover?” (NO ONE takes Discover.)
7) (While checking in with a drunken prostitute.) “If my wife calls can you tell her I’m not here? And if she shows up, can you call Hotel Security and send them to my room?”
8) “I broke up with my boyfriend during the ride up here; can you not tell him which room I’m in when he shows up? You see, we had sex in the car in one of your parking lots and now he’s getting dressed, but it was only break-up sex, so I don’t want him to bother me, so can you keep him away from my room? Please?”
Seriously, she broke up with her boyfriend during the trip to the Falls, banged him one last time in the parking lot when they arrived and then ran off while he was getting dressed. Ain’t love grand?
Incidentally, his night actually got worse when she called the cops to get him to back off.
But at least he got laid, right?
9) “The gentleman parking my car is going to hear a thumping sound coming from the trunk. Can you ask him to ignore it?”
10) “People always confuse me with someone they’ve seen on America’s Most Wanted, but that wasn’t me, I swear!”
And that’s all I have in me at the moment, folks. It’s been a crazy day, but that’s another story…
Have a safe and happy weekend.