Yesterday’s attempt at pimping out Becca went so well I decided to devote a little more time and energy to my blogging buds. Enjoy.
I was recently confronted with a cold, hard truth, friends and it has thrown my world into a downward spiral of doubt and fear.
It would appear one of the web’s shining lights, the great and powerful cyber-scribe known as Le Clown, is not, as I have believed until now, a being of immeasurable power, but rather, a mortal man.
Yes, Le Clown recently confessed to suffering from an injured back.
What’s real? What isn’t? Who knows?
And so I have spent the last few days pondering the many legends surrounding Le Clown. Here now, are five such myths and the singular truth surrounding Le Clown….
HE HAS MASTERY OVER ALL SPACE AND TIME.
You may be chuckling, but just cast your eyes upon these creations and tell me if anyone other than Le Clown could possibly be responsible for them…
YOU CAN THANK LE CLOWN FOR BRING ALL OF US TOGETHER: Le Clown is believed to have traveled back in time and planted the seeds for the creation of mankind’s most wondrous creation: a portal through which nerds everywhere can masturbate for free. The initial idea is credited as being Leonard Kleinrock’s, but he was at a kegger on May 30, 1961 when Le Clown visited him at the stroke of midnight much as Marty McFly did to his socially impotent father in Back to the Future. The rest is history.
And no, I cannot verify whether or not Leonard Kleinrock actually attended a kegger – ever – but just go with it, okay?
2) HE INVENTED THE AUTOMOBILE: Le Clown knew carriages would not suffice; not if his next creation was going to come to fruition…
3) HE INVENTED “PARKING”: He knew groping and begging for the affections of a young lady in the back of a carriage overlooking a hillside just wouldn’t work, and so Le Clown changed the face of travel forever. Until then, you could always count on a romantic rendezvous to be cut short by flatulent horses…
4) BEER COMPANIES OWE A DEBT OF THANKS TO LE CLOWN: The Mesopotamians invented beer? Yeah, right. Until our host visited them, they were swallowing bees to get a buzz…
5) MEN CAN THANK LE CLOWN FOR BRAS: He knew droopage would be an issue and that half the fun in enjoying a present is unwrapping it. Now if only he could have made then “Hook-proof”; I once used a pair of tin snips to “unlock” a particularly challenging undergarment….
I leave it up to you, my friends and fellow bloggers, to arrive at your own decisions regarding these legends – and my research, for that matter. Personally, I think Le Clown is feigning the whole back injury thing to throw his enemies off their game.
Yeah, I know, there is a major hole in my theory… Le Clown doesn’t have enemies, only a legion of followers.
Get well soon, my master.
MEANWHILE, WITHIN THE PAGES OF THE BOOK OF TERRIBLE: I take a look at Beyoncé’s recent troubles – and laugh at them.
If you’re a geek like me – but somehow still cool – and you’re going to be in the Falls June 8 & 9, check this out…
PLEASE READ THIS BLOG: You’ll be moved by MJ’s story. Her life story – and that of her daughter Grace – is one of hope, the power of family and the healing power of laughter.
I believe every one of those legends to be true. I’ve heard every one discussed around a campfire at some time or another. Also, I WANNA GO TO COMIC CON! Always wanted to go, but never been. I bet it is truly epic.
Our local comic-con is well on its way to being truly epic!
And yes, those legends are indeed trenched in truth. I do my homework, you know!
Like other mega-powerful-many-times-superstars, Le Clown knows a detractor or two… But Le Clown also invented the “live and let live” attitude, back when Homer wrote The Iliad, and changed Le Clown’s name to Achilles, Nestor, Zeus….. His words to Homer: (translated from Ancient Greek):
“Write smack about me
Write good about me
As long as you write about me”.
These words were later on used by Polanski when responding to the bad press surrounding the Samantha Geimer scandal.
But I wasn’t slinging smack, Le Clown. I was merely trying to indulge my “inner clown” and cut loose. You have a dark comic gift for cutting loose on your blog, so I thought I’d try to follow suit.
I have nothing but respect for your style, envy for your ability to draw attention to your work and admiration for your God-given way of inspiring loyalty among your followers.
Rock on, Le Clown!
Oh, I wasn’t referring to you, my dear The Hook. I was showing you yet another mere mortal quality to me… And then, there’s that Tony Clifton dude who keeps throwing rocks in my windows…….
Whew! You’re the last clown I’d want to piss off!
A Hook/Le Clown feud would shake the pillars of Heaven, last years and take thousands of lives…
And besides, who has the time these days?
I wonder how many people will get the Tony Clifton reference?
One last thing, did you get the e-mail I sent yesterday or did the spam monkeys eat it again?
I will spread your post all over the interwebs like herpes at a frat party.
I can see the headline now: “The Hook spreads blogging virus across world-wide web. Millions pluck out eyes.”
Feuds are so 2012 anyway…
As always, your wisdom is irrefutable.
I’m glad Eric liked the legends and rumors you’ve been spreading about him–all true, I’m sure. After his trip to Boston and Phillie this week, he will be wanting to pack his bags for Niagara Falls next, or maybe wait for the Comic Festival.
Can you imagine Le Clown at Comic Con?
That would be something. I doubt the city would survive…
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As a researcher, I should be appalled at the lack of 1st person evidence for these claims…but as a mercenary, if you pay me enough money, I’ll gladly endorse the claims as completely true and without bias. I’m easy like that.
Easy is good…
Especially in your hotel, eh?
My son has been watching live traffic cams in Niagara (your side – so smile and wave when you pass by!)
Ah Hook, so glad Le Clown appreciates your humor. As we all do. I feel so puny in my normalness (is that a word??) All though I think ‘normal’ gets a bad rap. I aim to bring it back! 😉
So you’re going to make normal sexy again?
Good for you, Jackie!
If anyone can do it…
Well, I’m going to try, but first I have to figure out what normal is.
Let me know when you’ve figured it out!
I’ve been trying to think of what to write today, you just gave me an idea! stay tuned to the same bat channel. Thank you Hookster! (this is what I’m going to call you from now on. haha)
I like it!
So you’re saying…. The Hook has issues with bra hooks? Clever, my friend!
I didn’t feel so clever back then…
Poor Le Clown….what to do? Hook, I’m not sure about the bra invention??? Really. But, a package to unwrap. I suppose that could all be worth all those stubborn hooks and discomfort. Anything for a surprise!!
Blunt Life Coach™ speaks: Who is this clown that everyone keeps talking about and why does anyone care about a MAN that wears makeup?
Le Clown may be MUCH more than a man, my Imperial friend!
Either way, he’s a kick-ass blogger with a heart of gold and the soul of a poet/warrior!
Blunt Life Coach™ speaks: Pfft. Sounds like rebel scum to me.
Most likely, sir.
But fascinating rebel scum.
Blunt Life Coach™ speaks: There is no such thing as fascinating scum. Bring him to me so that I may bring this traitor before the Emperor. Justice will be dispensed.
The Emperor vs. Le Clown?
I’d like to see that match-up.
Me, too, actually.
I don’t think there is a single other person in the blogosphere praised so frequently as Le Clown!
Good that he’s worth it… 😉
He certainly has built a following in a short time, hasn’t he? Thank God he’s a decent soul and not a douche.
Or so he made you believe!
No, he is. He is.
Le Clown invented the bra after his boobs sagged from breastfeeding the sock monkey. Necessity is the mother of invention.
You are as wise as Le Clown, Robin.
Absolutely! And I’d do it all over again. Time to continue my work as a wet nurse.
Such crazy banter fit for a Shakespearean play. Can I play a dude?
That would be a waste, but sure!
I think you should change your name to Le Hook!
I’m not sure I’ve earned that right, Susie!
So you weren’t clowning around about Le Clown being down (literally!).
Just left him a word of cheer.
Thanks for telling us, Hook. Being of some use to some people is what I like to do sometimes.
Have a happy Some-day! 🙂
P.S.: I did not see my comment up there. Down there actually. Not THERE, Hook, the bottom of Le Clown’s page. Oh, you meant that, too. Right. 😉
Do comments on his blog appear after he waves a green flag? Or wiggles his red nose? Thumbs his nose at us, less maginificient ‘uns? Oh. Okay.
Thanks for your message of hope. I thought it was left in Pandora’s box, with your comment which I have rescued from my SPAM box this morning. I will write you something wonderful on my blog. Until then…
>Thanks for your message of hope.
– You’re welcome, Le Clown! I believe in the power of positive thoughts, and I had hoped mine would make a dent in your back. To help push back the herniated disc into place, you know?
>I thought it was left in Pandora’s box, with your comment which I have rescued from my SPAM box this morning.
– So, SPAM I am! Green eggs and ham! *grimace*
>I will write you something wonderful on my blog.
– Aww, thank you.
– … I hope you’ll be good to your back. It will return the favour.
So thats why they invented parking! Le Clown is truly a brilliant (magnificent) man. And so are you Le Hook!
They sound reasonable to me, Hook… I like a good legend every now and then!
Nothing like a flatulent horse for killing the mood 😀