I was recently confronted with a cold, hard truth, friends and it has thrown my world into a downward spiral of doubt and fear.
It would appear one of the web’s shining lights, the great and powerful cyber-scribe known as Le Clown, is not, as I have believed until now, a being of immeasurable power, but rather, a mortal man.
Yes, Le Clown recently confessed to suffering from an injured back.
What’s real? What isn’t? Who knows?
And so I have spent the last few days pondering the many legends surrounding Le Clown. Here now, are five such myths and the singular truth surrounding Le Clown….
HE HAS MASTERY OVER ALL SPACE AND TIME.
You may be chuckling, but just cast your eyes upon these creations and tell me if anyone other than Le Clown could possibly be responsible for them…
YOU CAN THANK LE CLOWN FOR BRING ALL OF US TOGETHER: Le Clown is believed to have traveled back in time and planted the seeds for the creation of mankind’s most wondrous creation: a portal through which nerds everywhere can masturbate for free. The initial idea is credited as being Leonard Kleinrock’s, but he was at a kegger on May 30, 1961 when Le Clown visited him at the stroke of midnight much as Marty McFly did to his socially impotent father in Back to the Future. The rest is history.
And no, I cannot verify whether or not Leonard Kleinrock actually attended a kegger – ever – but just go with it, okay?
2) HE INVENTED THE AUTOMOBILE: Le Clown knew carriages would not suffice; not if his next creation was going to come to fruition…
3) HE INVENTED “PARKING”: He knew groping and begging for the affections of a young lady in the back of a carriage overlooking a hillside just wouldn’t work, and so Le Clown changed the face of travel forever. Until then, you could always count on a romantic rendezvous to be cut short by flatulent horses…
4) BEER COMPANIES OWE A DEBT OF THANKS TO LE CLOWN: The Mesopotamians invented beer? Yeah, right. Until our host visited them, they were swallowing bees to get a buzz…
5) MEN CAN THANK LE CLOWN FOR BRAS: He knew droopage would be an issue and that half the fun in enjoying a present is unwrapping it. Now if only he could have made then “Hook-proof”; I once used a pair of tin snips to “unlock” a particularly challenging undergarment….
I leave it up to you, my friends and fellow bloggers, to arrive at your own decisions regarding these legends – and my research, for that matter. Personally, I think Le Clown is feigning the whole back injury thing to throw his enemies off their game.
Yeah, I know, there is a major hole in my theory… Le Clown doesn’t have enemies, only a legion of followers.
Get well soon, my master.
MEANWHILE, WITHIN THE PAGES OF THE BOOK OF TERRIBLE: I take a look at Beyoncé’s recent troubles – and laugh at them.
If you’re a geek like me – but somehow still cool – and you’re going to be in the Falls June 8 & 9, check this out…
PLEASE READ THIS BLOG: You’ll be moved by MJ’s story. Her life story – and that of her daughter Grace – is one of hope, the power of family and the healing power of laughter.