Jerry Has His Kids, The Hook Has Lonely Bloggers…

Hello, Gentle Readers, may I be frank?

No, I’m not tired of being The Hook – the pay sucks but I’ve settled into the role – I simply need to get something off my forty-two-year-old chest: I can be a selfish jerk sometimes.

So instead of worrying about my stalled writing career or whether or not I hear back from various agents and producers, I’m going to get out of my own way and devote some time and blog space to a genuinely worthy cause….

Getting this young lady laid.


If you’re unfamiliar with this young lady, then click here. Done? Then we’ll begin.

The lovely blogger known world-wide as Becca ( in some cultures she’s referred to as the Great Ginger Devil, but that’s neither here nor there) has come to a stark realization about her life.

It seems she doesn’t have one.

She has devoted her time and considerable energies to crafting a kick-ass blog and digital presence designed to drive fear into her enemies, as criminals are a cowardly and superstitious lot…

Wait, that’s Batman. What the hell is Becca trying to accomplish? Besides accumulating the largest collection of donkey porn and men’s long johns in North America, that is. At any rate, the girl has run herself ragged. Her little fingers are sore from repeated tapping at the keyboard of her laptop – among other things – and her since her blog has apparently achieved sentience, she can now leave her apartment and take on that big ole world.

But she needs help.

Not the psychiatric kind; the modern pharmaceutical world hasn’t developed a drug powerful enough to quell her particular brand of madness. No, she needs a modern-day Cupid my friends.

So if anyone has a sibling or a newly-paroled cousin that’s looking for a mate, let Becca know, okay?

I have now done my good deed for the day. Time to go mock some guests…

MEANWHILE, WITHIN THE PAGES OF THE BOOK OF TERRIBLE: I take a look at Beyoncé’s recent troubles – and laugh at them.

If you’re a geek like me – but somehow still cool – and you’re going to be in the Falls June 8 & 9, check this out…

It's Nerdrific!

PLEASE READ THIS BLOG: You’ll be moved by MJ’s story. Her life story – and that of her daughter Grace – is one of hope, the power of family and the healing power of laughter.

Just Another Canadian Gurl needs your help! She’s snowed in and could use a friendly word or two n her blog. So let’s help chase her snow covered blues away, okay?

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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97 Responses to Jerry Has His Kids, The Hook Has Lonely Bloggers…

  1. becca3416 says:

    Pimping me out like a true friend. How can I ever repay you?!

  2. renxkyoko says:

    Eh,Mr. Hook. I’ll help myself first….. ahahahaha.

  3. The Cutter says:

    Is this what America has come to? Trying to find mates for attractive people? It’s like how we’re all concerned that Taylor Swift and Jennifer Aniston can’t find “the right guy.” They don’t need help!

  4. Ericka Clay says:

    Most of my cousins are still in prison. Damn it.

  5. El Guapo says:

    After the last blind date I set up, most of my friends won’t talk to me anymore when the topic comes up.
    Has she considered getting a mail-order husband?
    That might work. As long as she doesn’t try to get him delivered on a Saturday…

  6. Thanks for the shout out Hookster!
    Currently,,,the snow has now increased in double the size of flakes,,,,I trudged my way to the local Mac’s Milk and asked the owner “Mohammed” (I think that’s their name right?) to use his phone so I could call work to tell them that my ass won’t be in (my cell’s not working, guess I better pay that when I get my first pay cheque.)

    Anyways, work was actually shocked that I wasn’t coming into my measly $11.25/hr part time job for 4 hours to read my book because the phone sure as hell won’t be ringing. And, tried to make me feel guilty. Epic fail on their part.

    Now I’m home again. Still looking at the snow covered driveway that has doubled and thinking about just starting to drink!

  7. Only a TRUE FRIEND worries how much sex your getting!!!! ABOVE AND BEYOND!!!

  8. What a true friend you are….pimping for your friends truly defines a relationship. Ah, we Canadians know how to do it!!

  9. All my cousins are still in jail. So are my siblings. Dammit!!

  10. Deliberately Delicious says:

    I don’t know…I was over at Becca’s blog this morning and the blog has morphed into a very hot, half naked dude. This is what happens when you put your heart and soul into blogging. She should head straight back to her house and lock the doors for a few days.

      • The Hook says:

        You’re both forgetting one small detail: That was a digital representation of a very hot, half-naked dude!
        Unless Becca has access to a VERY advanced robot, she’s out of luck. Besides, we’re talking about HER blog, people, how would that be any different than masturbation?

  11. JackieP says:

    If I wasn’t old like you Hook, I’d hook her up to some of my contemporaries. But, alas (I love saying alas, it makes me feel so Victorian) All the men I know are either married, or if they aren’t, you don’t want em! Sorry, wish I could help Becca.

  12. I can’t put my finger on what it is about this post that makes me so happy, but . . . it really does. I love your hotel visitor tales, but this is a different kind of fun. 🙂

    I know the feeling of losing track of offline life in favor of emphasizing the online one, but am happily moving away from that zone myself.

    • The Hook says:

      Good for you, Deborah! You have a full life away from the screen and a loving family, so your life holds many pleasures, doesn’t it?

  13. twindaddy says:

    I find it hard to believe that Becca is having any trouble at all getting laid. I’m sure writer’s block is a bigger issue for her than finding someone willing to…you know.

  14. Such a caring Hook you are 🙂

  15. Jo Bryant says:

    The Hook scanning the blogging world for a hho up…what has the world come to ?

  16. mairedubhtx says:

    So nice of you to play Cupid for Becca. While you’re at it, if you could find a nice older gentleman for me, say 58-65, in good shape….

  17. Once this works, Hook, the floodgates will open! You mentioned not being eHarmony… this is how they started… 😯

  18. robincoyle says:

    I find it hard to believe that pretty girl has trouble finding, ahem, action.

  19. MissFourEyes says:

    You are such a good friend, Hook. Only real friends would worry about their friends not getting any action. And only the truest friends would pimp each other out on the internet 😀

  20. >I’m going to get out of my own way and devote some time and blog space to a genuinely worthy cause….
    >Getting this young lady laid.
    – Like quite a few commenters have remarked – a friend in need indeed.

    Carry on doing what we, Canucks, and real friends do, Hook!

    Good luck, Becca! When it happens, it will be worth the wait. That’s what I tell myself. 🙂

    >So if anyone has a sibling or a newly-paroled cousin
    – There’s a difference?

    [This doubt arises from a baby sis who has been teased so much by her much older brother that she *thinks* he needs to be locked away. But really, she’s happy with him on the loose! 🙂 ]

    >Time to go mock some guests…
    – and I’ll make time to read about them later.


  21. List of X says:

    Becca has millions of followers, can’t she convert virtual followers into real-life followers? On the other hand, this may not be such a good idea, since “real-life followers” are normally known as “stalkers”.

  22. Pingback: The Legend of Le Clown. | You've Been Hooked!

  23. Le Clown says:

    The Hook,
    Two words: La Becca.
    Le Clown

  24. Hook, this was a good service to Becca. Although, the problem of finding a good mate for Becca is not about her! Clearly, there are just too many idiots out there! Good luck, Becca. Wait for the man of your dreams!

  25. Pixie Girl says:

    Like… I can offer my services if you need any temporary pick-up, you know.

    I’d be glad to help. Boundaries to be agreed.

  26. mizqui says:

    Awesome cause. LOL! Becca’s got an awesome blog too! Thanks for the suggest o’ literal brother. I am still HOOK’ed. Ow! 😉

  27. becca3416 says:

    Apparently I missed this whole party! I blame my blog.

  28. TBM says:

    Dang I’m fresh out of newly-paroled cousins…wait a day or two. My family never sleeps 🙂

  29. I mean, there’s always the Craigslist “Casual Encounters”…

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