To clarify, The Hook has never actually been “on” a hooker.
Truthfully, even if I was single I wouldn’t have that kind of money.
It’s a quiet Saturday but hookers have been on the collective tongue of the hotel – so to speak.
Two foreign hookers, one old and very used, the other young – for now – and soon-to-be very used, fidgeted in the lobby while their young johns sat down and celebrated their “victory”. The hookers in question were sporting the same trashy outfits and make-up from the previous night and so they stood out in the crowd. I only wish I could have pulled these guys aside and offered then a patented “Hook Tip”.
ANOTHER TRAVEL TIP FROM THE HOOK: Never hang out in the lobby – alone or otherwise – and celebrate a night of cheap, drunken, clumsy sex with dirty, foreign prostitutes . You don’t want the world to know you lack the skills necessary to attract a mate who will emulate a prostitute for you.
It’s much more satisfying to land a “Good Girl” who can be an Angel in public and a Devil behind closed doors.
This tip applies to my next guest as well.
He was a white male (Black guys rarely employ hookers. Why is that?) going on fifty. She was a hooker of a different stripe…
- Very furry. A fur hat and coat, that is!
- Big, trashy sunglasses.
- Extremely high-cut boots.
- And most important of all, she had that “hooker vibe” emanating from her like cheap perfume! You know, that “I’m better than you because my vajayjay has a ticket window!” type of look and behavior?
This lovely couple wasn’t actually rude to me – although they did opt to remove half the booze and small bags from the cart after we’d loaded it – but my instincts were screaming “Cut and Run!” so I did just that! My replacement didn’t attempt to throttle me upon his return so I can only assume the call was without incident.
For him, anyway. If it had been me who knows what might have gone down? Maybe that was a poor choice of words – or maybe not.
My fellow employees keep me in the loop with hotel happenings – everyone loves to “rap” with The Hook – so I still get to enjoy the craziness that unfolds on a daily basis, even if I’m not directly involved.
A nondescript mom in her forties checks in, family in tow, and proceeds to send dad and the little urchins to the pool so she can have some “alone time”. In this case that means a photo shoot.
It seems “June Cleaver” moonlights as an escort. But wait, there’s more! She has gone digital: website and all! And so she was hosting a photo shoot in her room – fully nude, of course – to “showcase her product”.
I really have to install cameras in these rooms; that’s where the real money is….
ON A PERSONAL NOTE…
Scotiabank Convention Centre
Niagara Falls. Ontario. Canada
- Xaviera! (Continuing adventures by the author of Happy Hooker) – Xaviera Hollander (killthatpen.wordpress.com)
- Dominique Strauss-Kahn: I had no idea orgy girls were hookers (thesun.co.uk)
- Brit ‘threw hooker out hotel window’ (thesun.co.uk)
High cut boots are always a sign!!!
You like the “angel in public,devil in bed” type too? 🙂
Ooh, I’m one of the angels in public aren’t I? I never thought of it like that… kinda nice ; )
Great ‘made me smile’ post again! Good work!
You are definitely one of the angels in public! Glad to hear I made you smile – again!
“ticket window” vagina???? LOL!!!!!
I knew you’d love that line!
Who knew?? The June Cleaver look-a-like making a mula for the little family..priceless!
I thought so!
OMG do these “moms” with “extra curricular activities” that they so boldly display on websites think their kids are computer illiterate and will never find out??? DUHHHHH!
Anyone can become a mom – that’s the problem!
The Hook alleges never to have been ‘on’ a hooker. But there are several other prepositional possibilities that the Hook has yet to deny! — Under, about and (shudder) inside among others.
I can never tell if a Stormtrooper is laughing…
I don’t know what to say…
That’s not a denial!
You’re not going to let up, are you? You rascal!
Wow, you may want to think of going into writing country songs with words like…Angel in the Lobby, and devil behind closed doors…Oh well, yeah it’s a little over done in that genre I suppose.
The world really doesn’t seem to mind who is seen in public with whom…didn’t seem to keep Hugh Grant from landing Box Office hit roles… Although, I didn’t go see any of them.
Have a great day
You too, my multi-talented friend!
I knew a girl named Nikki….
Stop right there! This a family blog – sort of!
It’s three o’clock in the morning here and you still made me smile!!!
What are you doing up, Granny?
GO TO BED!!!
Yes Sir…am off to bed right now…it is only ten past nine..I could be back in the wee hours.
Gee, I feel like I’m such a boring hotel guest.
Boring is fine. It makes for a dull post, but it’s fine!
Well. Now that we know about “June”, I have to wonder about “Ward”…
Funny post – the continuous circus there!
The greatest show on Earth…
Wow. June becomes Miss July.
This is where the song “love In an elevator” comes to mind.
You’re not the first person to have thought that…
How is nondescript mom gonna feel if one day junior finds her website…eeeuuuuwwww
That’s always a possibility…
I doubt she has thought that far ahead!
Did you perchance notice my NEW gravatar ?? Hehehe
I love it!
Me too !!! The Boys – how could you not !!!
You’re like my wife with her vampires!
Well her vampires are nearly as delicious as The Boys…so I understand her all too well !!!
Nearly? I think she’d disagree with you on that!
I am sure she would but I can’t help being right on this one…hehehe
Well, well, well, I think we have to agree to disagree….but those sexy Vamps Rule!!! LOL!!! (BTW – The Hook is standing here shaking his head in disgust LOL!!!)
Thanks again for the video when I was sick a few months ago…I really loved it.
Let him shake all he wants – we woman KNOW better !!!
Glad to hear you enjoyed the vid…I did as well…hehe
Just an aside here, I made VampireLover watch the “Boys” last night! I’m not sure how she felt about that…
Well I am glad to see you are rounding out her education a little…everyone needs a dose of The Boys now and then !! Well done you !
I’m not sure she feels that way, Jo!
give her time Hook…she will see the light…
I strongly suspect that if you were ever “on” a hooker, your vampire queen would have a rather nasty reaction to it. It’s a good thing you made that clear right up front that you didn’t do that!
I know better, my friend!
I’m not sure this was the best post to read before going to bed… I might have nightmares, lol! You’re sooo hilarious, loved your vejajay comment.. and I could just picture those gals. Very strange for a mom to bring along her kids while having a photo shoot… I guess she wanted to get their money’s worth for booking the suite;)
Who knows what she was thinking…
“The Hook alleges never to have been ‘on’ a hooker. But there are several other prepositional possibilities that the Hook has yet to deny! — Under, about and (shudder) inside among others”.
They call him Hookster, Hookster, faster than lightning…
No one you see, is smarter than he…
We know if VampireLover, Get’s wind of this cover…
We may discover…Hook under the sea…
Hehehe… Just kidding…
You have a knack for telling a tale, my friend….
Oh so ‘the hook’ isn’t short for the hooker? Oh I am disappointed now!
(stupid phone, or stupid blog, I commented hours ago and it is not here..)
as I said…
this bring the song “love in an elevator” to mind… livin’ it up while we’re going.. down…
You always make me laugh and have excellent travel tips!
I try my best!
Furry hookers sounds really fascinating. Ticket window, Hook?
What a fun, freakin’ job watching June and the Hooker run in and out of your workplace each and every day. The men need to spice it up a bit 😉
I suppose they have fallen behind…
Easy to get mental pics of these scenes, but the ending (cameras in the room) … priceless!
Glad to hear you approve!
So funny, I was just reading about soccer moms hosting porn websites as a “home business” – June Cleaver indeed ! Wonder how much I can make……;)
Quite a bit I imagine…
Enjoyed your piece! Is this a new direction for you?
I’m a work in progress, Cliff!
Yeah, the “going down” comment might have been a little misplaced. I can’t believe that last one…what in the world has happened to people? Please…every hooker who reads these comments…you should be off the market once you have kids.
Well said, Hobbler!
Well; that’s something we certainly have in common…. I haven’t ever paid for my lovin’…… 😉
Nor should you!
Mr. Hook, some hotels don’t allow hookers to hang around? Or just like in Pretty Woman, the ” companion ” becomes her Uncle….. In any case, I ‘m conflicted about not allowing hookers to hang around in hotel lobbies, esp. if they’re ” escorted “. Wthout company, hookers hanging around is doing something illegal, I presume… like ” solicitation.” * sigh * I ‘m not disgusted with hookers. I pity them.
Me too – most of the time!
Those are definitely signs! I was at CVS the other night and there was yes, a white male, with an extremely skinny woman who was in a tight black dress, cheap jewelry and these horrific clear platform heels. Oh, she had a fro too haha.
They stand right out, don’t they?
whats the difference between an escort and a hooker the price maybe but both do the same deed just the escort gets more money for the same job the escort wears draws and the hooker doesnt like an ever ready battery lol very entertaining hook your blog i mean xxjen
You always bring something interesting to the table, Jennygoth!
A photo-shoot?! With the kids in the vicinity?? That’s bananas.
The kids were swimming, but you’re right, she isn’t going to win “Parent of the Year” any time soon!
Has a chimpanzee ever checked into the hotel and caused incredibly cute mischief and mayhem?
I’m afraid not! We have had birds, goldfish, and dogs and cats, though!
You prose is just getting better and better. Next post should be a poem, I think. A very special Hooker’s poem. When you get those cameras up, please don’t be shy (I know you aren’t)…
Alas, legal precedents prevent me from taping guests without their permission…
Haha, you have some of the strangest encounters! Video shoots in a hotel room? Did you by chance see this fellow there: http://clothesonfilm.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/The-Big-Lebowski_Ben-Gazzara_white-linen-suit.bmp.jpg
Cool share, Aaron!
I haven’t had the pleasure, though…
Perfect picture – that one 🙂
I thought a little Johnny Treehorn was called for!
“… attract a mate who will emulate a prostitute for you” – you’re a scream, Hook.
Vajayjay!! Love it. And I didn’t know your observation that black men aren’t as much into hookers. Very interesting, that.
How interesting it was to read your early writings 🙂 People watching is INFINITELY interesting. The only thing is, on holidays you must be aware how much the bell hops are sizing you up. Sprung!
Very true, young woman!
The title did confuse for a second. Realized soon that the “hook” here is a noun and not a verb!
Sorry about that….
I thought you intentionally put that. It sure add an element to the comic!
Am I that transparent?
I have my moments…
Hook super Grüsse lieb und einen schönen Sonntag Herzlicher Gruss Gislinde.
I could always use warm greetings on a Sunday…
you are so naughty… 😛
Thanks… I think!
I would love to be a fly on the wall where you work.
You wouldn’t be bored, that’s for sure!
Your blog never fails to entertain and engage! Love it! So much I’ve nominated you for the 7 x 7 award 🙂 http://azphoenix.wordpress.com/2012/02/12/thank-you-7-x-7-link-award-nomination/. You rock!
You rock, girl!
Sorry, that doesn’t sound right coming from me…
Actually, you rock! 🙂 Now everytime I walk into a hotel I’m going to be paying attention to hookers and the men that go for them…
Good! I’m glad I could enlighten you!
What a Hooking good story 🙂
Now that we know all the ins
and outs of these girls, our
education is definitely being
revitalised… by the way if a
pun or two shows up in this
comment it was intended 🙂
Have a great rest of weekend
Hook and keep adding to this
fine Space that you have 🙂
I’ll keep on keepin’ on, my Dark Warrior ally! You do the same!
Yes I will, but that will have
to be for later my good friend…
I will catch up with you and all
your dark wickedness at a later
time but do keep those gets, I
mean guests in check and don’t
be taking any crap from them
either… Have fun Hook 🙂 😉
Always a pleasure, Dark Warrior!
it is always entertaining to read your posts.
Glad to hear it, young woman!
“You know, that “I’m better than you because my vajayjay has a ticket window!””
Best line EVER!
It was pretty cool, wasn’t it?
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