There is just no other logical explanation.
Why else would he keep sending his most flawed creations my way? Allow me to explain…
Saturday mornings are busy all year round, but not for the bellmen; we find ourselves sidelined by the ever-growing number of cheap buggers who fill our hotels during the winter months. And so it was that I sat alone at my station as hundreds of clueless travelers passed by. However, one thing we actually do all-year round is take in storage bags – tons of them, in fact – and sometimes those simple transactions yield big results.
This young couple decided to make my week. He was..
- A young metro sexual Asian with delusions of Western “coolness”.
- Uncomfortable in his own skin.
- Completely out of his league.
- Definitely not Asian; she was Italian enough to put Meadow Soprano to shame!
- Well-dressed: Lululemon top, Coach purse, etc.
- Flipping long, lustrous raven hair with wild abandon!
- Sporting jeans so tight a Kardashian would be envious.
They decided to rifle through their belongings before storing their bags – as guests often do – and this proved to be an error in judgment, to say the least. I stood by, silently observing his nervous jig as his too-hot-for-him girlfriend opened her bag, exposing…
- Two lacy tan bras.
- More overpriced clothing.
- One LARGE vibrator.
She glanced up to see two male mouths just hanging open like cartoon characters! She flashed a “Yeah, I’m on vacation with my boyfriend and I brought a dildo! So what?” and continued her labors. But he couldn’t let the matter rest.
EMBARRASSED ASIAN: (Stammering) You know girls..
As per my nature, a direct answer was the only way to go…
THE HOOK: Just be grateful she brought you at all, sir!