God Loves The Hook!

There is just no other logical explanation.

Why else would he keep sending his most flawed creations my way? Allow me to explain…

Saturday mornings are busy all year round, but not for the bellmen; we find ourselves sidelined by the ever-growing number of cheap buggers who fill our hotels during the winter months. And so it was that I sat alone at my station as hundreds of clueless travelers passed by. However, one thing we actually do all-year round is take in storage bags – tons of them, in fact – and sometimes those simple transactions yield big results.

This young couple decided to make my week. He was..

  • A young metro sexual Asian with delusions of  Western “coolness”. 
  • Uncomfortable in his own skin.
  • Completely out of his league.

She was…

  • Definitely not Asian; she was Italian enough to put Meadow Soprano to shame!
  • Well-dressed: Lululemon top, Coach purse, etc.
  • Flipping long, lustrous raven hair with wild abandon!
  • Sporting jeans so tight a Kardashian would be envious.

They decided to rifle through their belongings before storing their bags – as guests often do – and this proved to be an error in judgment, to say the least. I stood by, silently observing his nervous jig as his too-hot-for-him girlfriend opened her bag, exposing…

  • Two lacy tan bras.
  • More overpriced clothing.
  • One LARGE vibrator.

She glanced up to see two male mouths just hanging open like cartoon characters! She flashed a “Yeah, I’m on vacation with my boyfriend and I brought a dildo! So what?” and continued her labors. But he couldn’t let the matter rest.

EMBARRASSED ASIAN: (Stammering) You know girls..

As per my nature, a direct answer was the only way to go…

THE HOOK: Just be grateful she brought you at all, sir!

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
This entry was posted in Hotel Employees, Hotel Life, Humor, Life, Postaweek2012, Social Commentary, Travel, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

143 Responses to God Loves The Hook!

  1. jumpingpolarbear says:

    Can you please tell me if my comment is caught by akismet and sent to the spam folder?

    • The Hook says:

      At first, yes, but not anymore – fortunately!

      • jumpingpolarbear says:

        Thanks. Sorry for ruining the comments on this post. I still have the problems on other blogs that don’t follow me. any idea how to fix it? think i commented too much a couple of days :). and please do delete all of my comments on this post 🙂

      • The Hook says:

        Every comment is worth keeping, my friend! Don’t worry about your problem; bloggers should always check their spam folders…

  2. What else could you say! Still chuckling…

  3. jumpingpolarbear says:

    oops. never mind. delete the comments 🙂 been having problems. my comments won’t show up on other blogs

  4. I wasn’t expecting a vibrator story when I read the words “God loves The Hook!”

  5. Priceless to be sure! Traveling with sex toys is always exciting!

  6. Your response scores a 10!

  7. Tom Dye says:

    Hilarious! A classic tale.

  8. Lily says:

    Hah omg great response! Comic gold right there!

  9. Jo Bryant says:

    God and vibrators – what a combo…

  10. gossipgenie says:

    This post just made my night! Love it!

  11. confessionsofyourhusbandsmistress says:

    Hahaha! Great response. Loved it.

  12. Quick witted and hilarious as always! I usually think of comments about an hour later 🙂 lol

  13. El Guapo says:

    Wait – so what was his reaction to your comment?

  14. Woman says:

    Ohhhh… I love hearing stories like this!!! Used to know a whole whack of baggage handlers and boy oh boy the stories they’d tell me over drinks. Not to to mention the customs men and women who randomly inspected baggage!!!!!

    Ahhh Mister The Hook!!! Are you telling me I’ve got to make sure that I write more about various toys so you could have told us what kind she had??? LOL!!!!

  15. gkinnard says:

    Brought along a pinch hitter, huh?

  16. wherethedaytakesme says:

    lol, the entertainment continues lol.

  17. susielindau says:

    Things are looking up!

  18. 😆 Oh good Lord how embarrassing. And doesn’t help the stereotype of As…never mind

  19. Smaktakula says:

    God bless the overachievers!

  20. Fun-sized says:

    I am not sure why, and am afraid it will be suggestive in a way I don’t mean to be at all, because I am taken. But for some reason want to tell you your blog reminds me of this song:

    I don’t really know why, but I kind of relate to you, you seem kind of like me, in a different way to be sure, but in a way. I want to see you be more free.

  21. sonsothunder says:

    ” A young metro sexual Asian with delusions of Western “coolness”.
    Uncomfortable in his own skin.
    Completely out of his league”…

    Oh, Which one was her dildo again? I forgot…

  22. Little Miss says:

    Hahaha! That is pure brilliance! I bet that left a rather embarrassed boyfriend!

  23. sexuallifeofawife says:

    That response was brilliance at its best! You have begun my day with a huge smile!
    Thank you Hook!

  24. TBM says:

    LOL…I would have stood there frozen.

  25. Deborah the Closet Monster says:

    Bwahahahahahahaha! Perfect conclusion, as it were! 😉

  26. Some of her kicks must come from others seeing her sex toys. If this is the case, you’re an accomplice—more proof of God’s intervention? It may also mean that God’s female. 😉

  27. Melissa Cryder says:

    Damn! That lady has guts. From your description i’m wondering what the HOT babe sees in the nerdy dude? You never know Hook. xoxo cheerio

  28. mcqty says:

    LOVE IT !!! Those moments have to be the ones that make the job worth it 😛

  29. Gillian Colbert says:


  30. Hysterical, still grinning from ear to ear… I was already planning my response with.. God loves the Hook and so do we! but now I think it should be “God loves the Hook, and so does she!!” I’m with August.. you were meant to see that!! Be careful of any room requests!!

  31. mamaji says:

    LOL! i just found your blog, and what a gem of a post! Brilliant!

  32. kolembo says:



  33. meredith says:

    hahaha, that is epic. Can’t say I blame the girl!

  34. inidna says:

    HA! This is just what I needed to read to have a good laugh after a crappy day. Classic Mr. Hook! 😉

  35. Yatin says:

    A well-prepared woman I guess; came prepared with Plan B, just in case!
    Did you respond before getting the tip or after?

  36. jakesprinter says:

    I Love the Hook too 🙂

  37. That was the perfect remark! & I’m guessing he was a metro-sexual [RICH] Asian !

  38. So funny I had to read it to my husband. He didn’t laugh as much as I did. Tee hee!

  39. Tim Rueb says:

    Great line Hook.

  40. brittany220 says:

    Haha great post! That must have been kind of awkward, lol. 🙂

  41. Wow, I think the Hook is hooking a lot of people. It took me five minutes to scroll through the comments. I think God loves the hook because you make him laugh. He probably needs a break with all the bad in the world. He most likely says to himself, “Hmmmm….. let’s see……. who can I send over to the hook this morning so I can have a chuckle.” I just heard either booming thunder, or very loud laughter outside.

    • The Hook says:

      Thank you for the praise, Patrick! I’ve been to your site, but my comments won’t process for some reason! I’ll try again soon.

  42. Androgoth says:

    So it was all revealled in an instance…
    I guess the boyfriend was just too inadequate
    but hey… his girlfriend didn’t give a vibe about
    it so who cares? I hope that she tipped you
    very well Hook, no I mean after they left 🙂 lol

    I wonder if his Blow-Up-Dolly
    kept the poor guy any happier? lol


  43. Man, you’re sharp. I wouldn’t cross swords you. 🙂

  44. raisingdaisy says:

    Bwahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!! ::wiping tears of laughter from face::

  45. Just the perfect comment to the boyfriend – a kindness, obviously. Hilarious as usual

  46. Aaron Babcock says:

    Zing! That poor guy…

  47. Oh my. The things you see in that position must be little gifts. 🙂

  48. Raven of Leyla says:

    I am laughing so hard here!!!
    First I am imagining myself…(Raven colored long hair waving as I shake my head) Blue jeans and a tee shirt with furry slippers…hey I am at home LOL I don’t own skinny jeans, if I could get into them they would need more than a Kardasian “jean peel” to remove them :O
    Love the story!

  49. Kickass reaction! Man, I’d like to be a guest where you work! Must be awesome to have such a bellman.

    • The Hook says:

      I’m not sure everyone feels that way…

      • dinkerson says:

        Yeah, but maybe more than you’d think. I’ve had a great bellman quite literally turn a terrible trip into, at least, something quite tolerable. In a completely non-sexual sense… that is.

        All this talk of dildos is making me edgy 😉

  50. The Guat says:

    Dude. You crack me up! Just be grateful she brought you at all! I’m sure with that gig you’ve got plenty of writing material…awesome 😉

  51. The Hobbler says:

    So funny Hook. I’m always impressed by your responses to your crazy guests. Always polite but smart alec enough to be funny and still get a tip (hopefully).

  52. dinkerson says:

    You’ve done it again, Hook. Made my day and made me laugh until I choked on my coffee.

  53. brainvomit40 says:

    And, could you please explain to me why when I got my bags up to my room the thing was missing?????? Next time I’m going to hide it in a tube sock.

  54. spicegirlfla says:

    Ooops… I bet you do see alot of interesting things!! I always wonder why certain people are attracted to each other…

  55. Ipodman says:

    I’m speechless O.O

  56. Val says:

    Very funny Hook, and dare I say… pointed!

  57. That sounds like it would have made a great video or photo.

  58. munchow says:

    We all love The Hook – except those who gets hammered by him. And they probably don’t even know. Once again I had a great laugh. Man, maybe he was nothing but jealous of the dildo? Would indeed have loved to see his face.

  59. RiverFeet says:

    That’s hilarious! You never know what you’re gonna see when working around people…

  60. littlesundog says:

    This one definitely beats my post on soft, squirrel porn!!

  61. Jeannie says:

    You nailed it. Oh my goodness…what don’t you see?

  62. lorrelee1970 says:

    Excellent response.

  63. Selka says:


  64. Yeah bookmaking this wasn’t a bad decision great post! .

  65. Simona says:

    -` ☼´-𝓛𝓞𝓥𝓔-` ☼´-𝓛𝓞𝓥𝓔-` ☼´-
    -` ☼´-𝓛𝓞𝓥𝓔-` ☼´-𝓛𝓞𝓥𝓔-` ☼´-

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