Because There’s Going To Be Enough Darkness On The Web Today….

(I hope this brings a smile to your faces, folks. Lord knows, we need to laugh in between the tears.)

A simple elevator ride isn’t so simple when you’re The Hook…

BEWILDERED GUEST:  Hey, buddy, you mind if I ask you a question?

THE HOOK:  Go right ahead, sir. (I’d have to be a fool to pass up the opportunity to score some invaluable blog material, and this gentleman was white, balding, overweight, fiftyish and as nervous as Kim Kardashian during an audit, so I knew I was going to walk away with gold.)

BG:  The wife wants to spice things up so she sent me out for this shit.

He opened a bag and revealed a length of silk rope, handcuffs and a ball gag. (I’m not sure precisely why people feel they can trust me with their dirty laundry, but I hope they never stop.)

BG:  What should I do?

THE HOOK:  How long have you been married?

BG:  Thirty years.

THE HOOK:  So you must realize you don’t have a choice, right? The decision has already been made for you.

BG:  Yeah, but I’m not sure I can tie her up and put a ball gag in her mouth. Wouldn’t that be a mistake?

THE HOOK:  Sir, the mistake would be untying her and taking the ball gag out.

The doors opened and as I made my way out, I could see the wheels slowly turning as he considered my advice….


Here are some of the pics the Media Gallery suggested I use for this post.

Natalie Portman & Mila Kunis Lesbian Kiss from...

I am at a loss. I have no idea why WordPress chose to offer me a pic of  Natalie Portman & Mila Kunis swapping spit, but mine is not to question why…


That’s all for now, folks. What else could I possibly add at this point? Be well, my friends.

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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64 Responses to Because There’s Going To Be Enough Darkness On The Web Today….

  1. I couldn’t agree more. I need a little humour this morning. Thanks for this, it should do the trick. 😉

  2. Katie says:

    When’s the Dear Hook advice column coming out?

  3. sortaginger says:

    Poor wife. What she really meant was that she wanted some cinammon for her coffee.

  4. "HE WHO" says:

    I wonder why the “ball gag” was originally invented.

  5. Carrie Rubin says:

    Hmm, I think you may be pulling our leg with this one, but if not, you may want to consider a career in psychotherapy if you get tired of your current position. Then again, with fodder like this, how could you?

  6. LOL. What Carrie said. 😉 Thanks for the bright spot.

  7. Mostly I’m surprised that he was complaining.

  8. twindaddy says:

    You know, I couldn’t imagine tell anyone about the things in that bag, let alone a complete stranger. People are effed up.

  9. You, my friend, are better than Dear Abby for all who enter into advice from you. (If Abby was drunk. And on drugs.)

  10. I often wonder why people feels the need to tell me their dirty secrets too, out of nowhere, without even showing a bit of interest. Let’s say it’s a power given by the almighty.
    Gotta love the picture suggestion, good job WordPress.

  11. renxkyoko says:

    For some reason, I don’t find 2 women kissing as _____ * can’t find the appropriate word* as two men kissing. maybe , it’s not manly or something like that.? No problem. I’m okay with gay marriage.

    • The Hook says:

      You’re okay in general!
      I knew the pic would bother some of you, but I found the circumstances surrounding its inclusion here too interesting to ignore.

  12. mairedubhtx says:

    You made me smile on a rather dark day.

  13. loiswstern says:

    Needed a good laugh, or at least a chuckle this Morning! Thanks.

  14. The ball gag kind of throws me, Hook! It’s good to have some humor today. Thanks.

  15. MissFourEyes says:

    Ball gag, huh? Tell me it isn’t the craziest thing you’ve been shown?

  16. Tom Merriman says:

    Hook, I thought you’d misspelled shirt at first, but then I read on and realised you hadn’t. I was imagining a bright green and yellow silky flowery thing…

  17. Jo Bryant says:

    Who cares why WP gave you that photo…it’s two hot girls kissing…isn’t that every man’s dream. I know it was Joey’s.

  18. Here I would have figured he’d know that it was for him. Poor guy, never suspecting a thing.

  19. Love the photo – the lesbian clinch is spot on for a 30 yr marriage S an M session!

  20. Loved your tongue in cheek repartee to the elevator companion.

    What is it within us which seeks change from the ordinary and the routine?


  21. Dude, you are so in love with Kim Kardashian.

    • The Hook says:

      What can I say? She personifies the world’s current obsession with vapid celebrities and I find her lack of redeeming qualities fascinating.

  22. Cathy Ulrich says:

    Definitely TMI and your answer was perfect! Thanks, Robert.

  23. Gold. (As in Mr Gold of Storybook? You do have a similar role there? Great reply to that guy in the elevator)
    Just curious, do the guests locate the shops on their own – or does the desk slide a list across when a guest arrives red faced, stammering and looking awkward?

  24. Cayman Thorn says:

    Hey, if we can’t laugh, then all is lost. Thanks pal.

  25. MissTiffany says:

    Wow. I’m not sure I could ask a stranger that question. Of course, maybe that’s what makes it easier – the fact that you’re a stranger. They don’t really need to worry what you’ll think about it or say to them later.

  26. Daile says:

    Love it! Everyone needs a giggle every now and then – especially in the hardest times

  27. TBM says:

    You know, I only have strangers tell me their woes, not show me their sex toys. Going to say that I’m ok with that. I blush easily and don’t have the witty comebacks like you.

  28. In that movie, I fell in love with Mila. So I guess I now love you by extension. Or at least your blog.

    Sorry it took me so long to click over (We follow several mutual blogs), better late than never.

    Thanks for the laughs!

  29. If he just got around to the handcuffs after 30 years, I gotta wonder what happened to her boyfriend? Surely this wasn’t a new idea of hers! LOL

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