April Fools Yuks, Courtesy of Vanessa-Jane and The Hook.

Let’s start this week off right with a post guaranteed to make you smile while contemplating what to have for dinner, courtesy of Vanessa-Jane Chapman

Open Letter to TV Chefs Everywhere

Tomato and mozzarella salad

Dear TV Chefs

I’ve been unwell for several days and have not managed to do much more than decant myself from bed to couch in the morning, and then back up to bed at night. I have pretty much just watched the Food Network all day, in between bouts of napping, for several days. An odd choice of viewing perhaps when I’ve had no appetite, but having the time to watch so many lovely food shows was an opportunity I couldn’t pass up.

I love your shows, I really do. However, having watched so many of them over the last few days, I have a few comments and requests…  read more here:

AND NOW, SOME CONTENT FROM YOUR HOST

Let’s begin with the question that has plagued writers since the first caveman scrawled on a cavern wall: where to begin?

Let’s see…

The renovation madness was in full swing as a couple of construction workers used spray paint in the vicinity of a fire panel and the inevitable occurred.

At 10 a.m.

On Easter Monday.

And April Fool’s Day.

In retrospect, I probably should have suppressed the following statement when speaking with the hotel’s GM: “Well, it’s April 1st, so I imagine we’ll be hearing a fire alarm or two, right?”

On the bright side, I haven’t been to HR since they redecorated…

An hour later I found myself facing a personal revelation.

AFRICAN-AMERICAN GUEST: (Upon opening his door and seeing The Hook for the first time) Oh! You a white boy!

I gently ushered the gentleman aside, walked over to the bathroom doorway and stared at the mirror within for a moment.

THE HOOK: (In my best “vanilla trying to sound chocolate” voice) Daaammnnn!

The following happened in quick succession:

  • The gentleman fell to the floor in a fit of raucous, stereotypical laughter.
  • His family came out from the far room and shouted”Dad, what’s wrong witchu?
  • I considered just how far back this lone family had set an entire race…

In the end they tipped me well, which, as you know by now, is my barometer when it comes to measuring the success or failure of my calls.

Happy Easter Monday/April Fools, folks!

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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71 Responses to April Fools Yuks, Courtesy of Vanessa-Jane and The Hook.

  1. Tom Merriman says:

    There’s too much going on today, with it being Easter Monday, April Fool’s Day, and a Bank Holiday – and it feels like a Sunday! Hope you don’t get to see HR, Hook… at least the man had a chuckle!

  2. JackieP says:

    Well daaaammmmnn you a white boy??? huh, how about that……… 😉

  3. robincoyle says:

    I just unfollowed your blog.

    April Fools. (I know. Not funny.)

  4. Thanks again for the reblog white boy!

  5. MissFourEyes says:

    Daaammnnn, white boy! You’re hilarious 😀
    Happy Easter Monday/April Fools, Hook!

  6. Happy funny!
    (it’s sort of “daaaayuuuuummmmm” with the regional accent here. Oh, “didya brang da dokey? No? Howzya gunna unluuck the doe?”)
    It’s April – dance wildly without reason!

  7. Katie says:

    Ha! You finna give that man a heart attack witcho whiteness.

  8. Pixie Girl says:

    I hope your triple-occasion day was as good as mine over here 😉 and I wish I come drop by your hotel one day!

  9. White people is funny.

  10. Jennifer says:

    Loved. This. So. funny. Tickled me a little more than usual this morning ….

  11. Oh good grief. You may be white but you are not a boy!

  12. renxkyoko says:

    It’s funny about the cilantro. I don’t know why cilantro is added to almost every dish recipe here in the US. I know it’s common in Mexocan dishes, but I’m not really into it. The taste is too strong and dominates the over-all taste.
    I thought I was the only one who noticed.

  13. mairedubhtx says:

    Hope you had a pleasant April Fool’s Day without too many tricks, Robert.

  14. Hysterical! Somehow I see it all playing out and you with such a straight face.
    Happy all three!

  15. Oh, I can’t help laughing every time I imagine you looking in the mirror…….you are so quick!! Glad the laughs for everyone translated into a good tip!

  16. TBM says:

    Damn, I missed April 1st. I always forget to play a practical joke. Some of us just aren’t funny.

  17. >AFRICAN-AMERICAN GUEST: (Upon opening his door and seeing The Hook for the first time) Oh! You a white boy!
    – People still say things like this in this day and age?

    >I considered just how far back this lone family had set an entire race…
    – Dunno what the rest of the family did, but I’d agree with that sentence given the way the guest greeted you.

    >And April Fool’s Day.
    – Oh, man. Got sucker punched. 😦

    Kate

  18. giselzitrone says:

    Sieht lecker aus lieber Gruß lieber Hook und einen schönen Abend.Gruß Gislinde

  19. Lady Lovely says:

    Oh man, thanks for the forwarning of this should put a smile on your face-I was able to put my coffee down before I preceed to read this and bust out laughing! You’re witts are clever and quick!

  20. Cayman Thorn says:

    No you di’int!

  21. eva626 says:

    lol…this spring break I mostly watched food network all day lol.

  22. You know, my dear Hook, here in Oz it’s not obligatory to ‘tip’… I was reminded of you over the Easter break. We were holidaying in a hotel. The service guy was unloading our baggage (lots of it) as we walked out of the lift and along the corridor to our room. He was black, black as the ace of spades. As we approached I said. “Oh good, what great timing this is.” He said as quick as lightning. “Not until you show me your room key.” K produced our room key/card at which time our bellman grinned a huge smile showing enormous white teeth, and a healthy disposition. He bantered on and we couldn’t have been happier with this quick witted fellow. As he turned to walk out I noticed K hand him what I presumed to be a tip. Yep, that man’s attitude earned him a healthy reward…!
    Just goes to show what a bit of enthusiasm can do. Bet he earns a whole lot more than most..! 🙂

    • The Hook says:

      It takes a lot of work with some guests, but that’s part of the job. Some people – including a fellow author – consider bellmen con artists, but the truth is, its a job that requires a certain skill set and a healthy sense of humor!

      • I dare say there’s the occasional con artist in every walk of life, however sincerity will always leave us feeling better for the interaction. This is what I believe you do. Just as our bellman had a certain respect for another individual’s need for honest comradery; so do I see you, my dear Hook. I would doubt you could continue doing your work were it not with a sense of enjoyment and self respect.

  23. rebecca2000 says:

    Feel better. All I can say is at least he was a good tipper.

  24. Pingback: Daily Prompt–Share The Love | My Life, Such As It is

  25. Everybody knows you should tip the bellman. It’s universal. Having a bellman who is personable and friendly, and who doesn’t act like it’s killing him to help you with your bags, will always garner better tips. I think you must be a great bellman, Hook. And I’m shocked to find out you are a white boy!! (Thanks for linking to Vanessa’s letter. I enjoyed it!)

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