As I’ve often said before, there is a ridiculous amount of downtime when you’re a bellman; guests arrive in waves rather than ripples so I find myself seeking out deep, meaningful conversations with my fellow hospitality wage slaves.
I rarely find such convos but I don’t exactly come up empty-handed either.
Not by a long shot.
Case in point: Twenty years ago during a quiet, dark, icy winter’s night I engaged in a chat with Heather, a front desk agent whose heart was as big as her blonde locks (and for that matter, her smile and her chest). Heather worked the desk at a hotel on Clifton Hill in Niagara Falls where I began my hotel journey. The Comfort Inn is long gone but Heather’s unique outlook lives on in my consciousness and now my blog.
On this particular evening she was slightly rattled by the appearance of a former rock ‘n roller beau who was hanging out in the lobby to meet some visiting friends from Vancouver. This dude looked like Sheldon Cooper and Jon Bon Jovi produced offspring. Naturally, I wasn’t about to let this opportunity pass me by…
THE HOOK: So what’s the story with you and Mr. Poindexter-turned-Rocker?
HEATHER: We had a first date that ended badly.
THE HOOK: So he struck out with you?
HEATHER: No, we had sex! He really tried to pork my brains out!
THE HOOK: (Nearly choking on my Coke. Before my IBS appeared I used to chug the stuff by the truckload. Fun fact, right?) I’m confused. You had sex but it still ended badly?
HEATHER: Yeah, he really tried, but I didn’t like it very much. Well, actually, I liked the first part… A lot!
THE HOOK: So his oral skills extend beyond bad cover songs?
HEATHER: Definitely! But the rest of it wasn’t very good at all.
THE HOOK: So you stuck it out, so to speak, even though you didn’t enjoy it?
HEATHER: Right. I just waited until he… finished, and then I got up, thanked him, got dressed right away, and left!
THE HOOK: That must have been… slightly awkward… but I still don’t understand why you didn’t just ask him to climb off you immediately.
HEATHER: I didn’t want to be impolite! My mother made a point of that.
THE HOOK: Your mother made a point of instructing you to always wait until after a sexually inept partner finished his… business on top of you before exiting the situation?
THE HOOK: Wow. Your mother was oddly specific. You should be taking her advice and writing a “Ms. Manners” column.
HEATHER: I know, right?