Just A Few Thoughts I’d Like To Share…

Last night our daughter gave us a wicked, albeit early, 25th wedding anniversary gift: two premium seats to an upcoming production of The Phantom of The Opera (insert booming musical score here) in Toronto.

Yes, next year marks a quarter of a century of wedded battles bliss for my lovely bride and I, and I can honestly say that I’ve never loved her more. And how great is my kid? Her funds are limited and she spent $200 a ticket on her parents so they could relive a pivotal moment from their honeymoon and watch a woman become fascinated with a scarred man who wears a mask and reminds her of her father.

It’s true. Look it up on the interweb.

Work has been as wacky and as hectic as ever; every single construction project that started over two years ago is still going-anything-but-strong and guests are embracing their inner-wackadoodle in larger numbers. I’d weep for humanity but it’s all too fascinating to complain too much about.

There have been plenty of online bargains on comic book trades and graphic novels lately: I’ve been scoring Marvel books and a few Batman adventures. So I’m a happy nerd.

All in all, I have a pretty damn good life compared to billions of lost souls and Trump supporters.

So why am I so damn sad?

I walk to work shrouded in the darkness that grips Niagara like an icy sheet and I listen a collection of songs on my electronic device… And every one of those tunes reminds me of Rockin’ Ronnie in some way. It’s been two years and my life has been anything but static but while there are (finally) more good days than bad, the pain still rises like bile in my soul and I can’t seem to purge myself of it completely. I know there was nothing more my family (both immediate and at work) could have done to help Ronnie find his way back into the light but logic and emotion collide quite often in my brain.

And logic rarely wins.

There are moments during which I’m sad in a way I’ve never known before. There are moments during which I don’t know who I am or what I really want out of my life. But those moments fade relatively quickly, especially when I speak of them. Online, I mean.

So here’s where I am: I’m still wrestling with guilt and loss but I’m honored to be a husband, dad, bellman and a generally offbeat but fascinating human being. This human condition is a tough thing to understand but it’s certainly worth exploring.

See you in the lobby, kids…

Every damn day, Ronnie…

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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17 Responses to Just A Few Thoughts I’d Like To Share…

  1. All part of the grieving process, Hook. Soon the super memories will take over and the sadness will slip away.

  2. With a little help from your friends – and that super cool daughter – life will go on – bittersweet, perhaps. But a reminder of what you’ve got: here and now.
    (Gads once a construction job starts, it never ends…I think sometimes the construction company turns them into a lifelong career opportunity)

  3. Your daughter is definitely a keeper!

  4. What a wonderful gift.
    Hard to believe it’s two years since you lost your friend Ronnie. Good to recall the happy times, it helps soften the edges of grief which can knock us sideways when we least expect it.

  5. Ah, my friend… pain never really goes, it just softens with time and maybe even becomes a smile remembering good times. Your treasures, forever. And of course with such a loving family… you’re good!

  6. Doug in Oakland says:

    Logic may never win, but life is almost certain to. Hang in there Mr. Hook, you’re a good man and you deserve a good life. Believe it, it’s so.

  7. StillWaters says:

    Early congratulations to you and your wife, Hook. Twenty-five years; what a blessing! You have a wonderful daughter to have thought of such a gift. I hope you sit back, enjoy the show, bask in the music. CHEERS!!!!! (I’m big on exclamation points!!)

  8. Lovely prose. And you have a lot to be grateful for so that should help alleviate the darkness. Bless your kid. So thoughtful and congrats on 25!

  9. Mark Myers says:

    Happy Anniversary. What a cool kid.

  10. Congratulations Hook and Missus Hook, and also so sorry for your loss.

    Deb

  11. What an awesome kiddo you’re raising!! I can’t even get my husband to go to any sort of live performance with me, never mind have my son buy us tickets. And an early happy anniversary to you and your bride. Kudos to you!

    So it’s been two years since Ronnie went back to the other side. I know it seems like you should feel better more often about his passing, but from what I know, two years is about the time many people are just getting their heads back above water after such a painful passing. I’m glad to hear you have more good days now and know this trend will continue. Keep hanging in there.

  12. susielindau says:

    I don’t know what happened but don’t blame yourself. That prolongs the pain.

    Wow! You have an amazing daughter! Congratulations on your anniversary! Ours is October 10th.

  13. Jennie says:

    I must champion John’s words, as they are true. It’s the collision of emotion and logic, as you brilliantly said, that cause such grief. Yet, healing does happen, and the good memories are what sticks to the heart and brain. Thanks for writing, Hook. I so enjoy your posts. Best to you!

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