Summer “Fun” With The Hook.

It’s been awhile since I shared any of my encounters in the trenches of hotel hell heaven, so I’m going to open with a speech I usually save for slightly different situations but which applies here:

“This may not go as smoothly as you’d hoped. I may not be as adept as I one was but I can still guarantee your satisfaction by the climax. I hope.”

So yesterday afternoon I was returning to the guest elevators after finishing off another successful luggage call that ended exactly as such things should: with a few dollars in my frayed uniform pockets, when I crossed paths with a black family of four from the US. Incidentally, we have a new bellman from Jamaica who insists he is a black man not a “damn colored person”, so I’m going with black, not “African-American okay?

At any rate, here’s the unforgettable convo that followed between myself and Mom, Dad and two pre-teen lads.

PRE-TEEN LAD #1:  Yo, you make a lot of money as a bellboy?

ME:  I do all right… But that’s between us and not Revenue Canada, okay?

MOM:  What’s Revenue Canada?

ME:  Our version of your lovely IRS.

MOM:  Oh! We hate those guys!

ME:  Everyone does. Even those guys hate themselves.

PRE-TEEN LAD#2:  Do all bellboys make a lot of coin?

MOM:  You boys shouldn’t be asking this nice gentleman these questions.

ME:  The nice gentleman doesn’t mind. And to answer your question, I can’t say how much other bellman make, all I can do is speak for myself.

PRE-TEEN LAD: 1:  So why do you make sick coin?

ME:  Oh, that’s easy. It’s because I’m a middle-aged, non-threatening white male. I’m the Wayne Brady of bellmen.

A round of shocked laughter abounded throughout the moving metal box we all found ourselves temporarily encased in.

Then things got… Well, you’ll see.

MOM:  Wayne Brady? But he’s black!

DAD:  Wayne Brady ain’t black! That nigga ain’t been black for years!

BOTH PRE-TEEN LADS:  Yeah, mom, that nigga ain’t been black for years!

With that, we all exited the elevator as Mom rolled her eyes until she gave herself a headache, Dad beamed with pride at the attitude he had instilled in his lads, the leads were lads, and I grinned from ear to ear, knowing I had some nice, juicy blog fodder to serve up for my readers.

And now that I’ve taken a temporary reprieve from my summer hiatus, I bid you all adieu.

See you in the lobby, friends…

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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24 Responses to Summer “Fun” With The Hook.

  1. Well. Glad dad was keeping it real.

  2. Good to see a post from you Robert.

  3. Doug in Oakland says:

    Yay! A Hook post! I hope your summer is being good to you.

  4. Mark Myers says:

    Did you make coin on that trip, though?

  5. I love it! I admit that there are moments when the PC rules of the day change so quickly make my head spin. My suspicion is that not everyone agrees so it is always best to find out directly from the source.

  6. Jennie says:

    Actually I’m not surprised. Sad that people are locked on to a mindset or attitude. Imagine if people actually listened and thought. Now that’s a lofty dream. Sigh. Good to read a Hook post!

  7. Thanks for the chuckle!

  8. Did you ever see the episode of Chapelle’s Show with Wayne Brady? He actually does a skit that covers this perception of him. It’s actually pretty funny.

  9. Have a wonderful summer in the falls Mr. Hook, maybe one day coffee is in the horizon, considering I’m only an hour away.

  10. List of X says:

    It’s too bad that being a bellman version of Wayne Brady, you don’t actually make the same money as Wayne Brady (estimated net worth $10 million).

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