100 Reasons To Not Kill Yourself: #32.

As some of you are aware, I am one of the few mammals alive that hasn’t been enraptured by the cultural phenomena known throughout the Multiverse as Game of Thrones.

I know, I know, it’s crazy, right?

Nevertheless, I’ve yet to become a fan of a program that has elevated incest, dragons, medieval brutality and the most depressing wedding of all time. However, GoT has inspired the title of today’s post and for that I will be forever grateful.

#32: Summer Is Coming.

It certainly doesn’t feel like it in my home base of Niagara Falls where the phrase, “April showers bring May flowers” has been replaced by “April showers bring May showers… So batten down the hatches, you poor bastards”, but the dog days of summer will soon be here.

I hope.

The weather in Niagara has been completely dreadful since last October but nothing lasts forever, and while it’s definitely far too brief in Canada, summer can only be delayed by pollution and Mother Nature’s mood swings, not cancelled entirely. Eventually, we’ll all be seeing the unmistakable signs that the fairest of all seasons is here once again. What are these signs? I’m so glad you asked…

  • The birds will begin chirping at 4am, waking me from an agonizingly-brief slumber.
  • My neighbors will stare at their dead grass, then at their hoses and sprinklers, before considering the water rates in Niagara Falls (which are ironically high) and then they’ll just let the grass die so they can afford another month of unlimited wi-fi.
  • A few kids will get their bikes out of the garage – until Mom and Dad get visions of the rugrats getting wiped out by a driver or whisked away by a pedophile. Then the bike will go back in the garage, right next to the sprinkler. Cynical realities, I know, but realities nevertheless.
  • There will be at least one old guy in shorts, black socks and sandals on every street, coffee shop or store walking around declaring, “How about this heat, am I right?”

As a bellman I’ve always been especially, ridiculously even, fond of the summer. Or as I like to refer to it, “The Only Season That Determines Whether or Not I Eat For The Rest Of The Year”.

Summer’s when it all happens in Niagara; it’s when the city is humming with life rather than rotting away like a decaying corpse.

Summer’s when travelers gather in large numbers to watch, and this is an exact quote from a guest, “A shit-ton of water piss down on a bunch of ancient rocks in a hole that was formed when a meteor bigger than my lady’s coochie came down and wiped out the dinosaurs.”

I love my guests from America’s inner cities.

Older folks and those with breathing issues may hate it, but summertime is filled with a wonderful sense of nostalgia for many of us. First kisses. First sip of beer with your dad on the porch. First time driving on your own when you hit a hobo and have to convince your drunk friends to help you hide the body. Lots of memorable firsts.

In short, summer truly is the season of life. So milk it for all it’s worth, kids; seize the day and all that jazz.

Breathe in the summer.

Live.

See you in the lobby, friends…

 

This may not be the most upbeat pop song ever but it’s status as a definitive summer song is irrefutable.

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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30 Responses to 100 Reasons To Not Kill Yourself: #32.

  1. The hobo line cracked me up. You are right though, Hook. Summer holds a lot of promise. Good job.

  2. Mark Myers says:

    Great post – but you should get on board. GOT is the best. I recommend the books, but the series is good too.

  3. I haven’t seen a single GOT either, or Twilight for that matter.
    Summer’s coming here and the holiday traffic, visitors and tempers are in full swing.

  4. Books are alway better than movies ( or used to be when people had imagination better than studio effects?) But have to admit I wandered off and never finished reading the series.
    Summer brings the tourist theatre of the absurd your way (We get traffic, but can mostly avoid actual interactions except for those foraging at the grocery store with wild, hyped-up kids).
    Hey, do people there actually use the word “hobo’ still? Sounds pretty 30’s for here…we get homeless guys or maybe “residentially challenged”
    Porches are good. Enjoy one when you can.

  5. Doug in Oakland says:

    I haven’t seen a single second of GoT either, and summer is my favorite time of year.
    We’re having an unseasonably late storm right now, but it will pass by tomorrow, if one can believe the weather forecasters…

  6. Dave Ply says:

    I’ve only seen the first episode of GoT, and read the first book. Even after only one book I was glad to be done with it and had no appetite for more.

    Summers in Oregon are glorious, although they’ve been getting hotter…

  7. List of X says:

    Summer is just one good season. Game of Thrones has seven good seasons (I hear the eighth one’s not so good so far, but I haven’t watched it yet – saving my money for water sprinklers). So that’s at least seven seasons to not kill yourself and watch a ton of other people get killed.

  8. I truly dislike people who think winter is the best season. Don’t get me started on autumn, because that sucks too.

  9. My favorite time of year also. And a bit warmer here than Niagara 🌊 You will never hear me complain about the heat! 🔥 But I will bitch 6 days to Sunday about cold and especially that evil white stuff ❄ Hope you have an awesome season Robert! 😎

  10. Fall Fraust says:

    It’s been strange this year. Hot early but cold nights. I’ve not experienced that before. We will have a hot summer here this year. I’m hoping that it won’t be as hot as the 109 temps last summer, or the 114 temp of a few years back. But I do live in a desert so I suppose that I won’t be surprised if that happens. I’ll simply have to run earlier, or later, and, as one of my army friends says, whom lives on the cooler, West side with all of those beautiful forests, and water, “Acclimate or die, girl.” Ya, well, I’ll show him acclimate… 🙂

  11. Jennie says:

    Summer. Bring it on!! Oh, those memories. I didn’t have a hobo one, but plenty of others.

  12. Seriously, what is it with GOT?! I watched the first 5 minutes of the first episode and it turned into a big NOPE!
    Niagara is definitely a great place to visit but I agree…summer is best! Also…I’m ashamed if that quote from a guest was an American!!

  13. kunstkitchen says:

    Summer in the city is lush this year as there’s plenty of rain. Don Henley’s song is an all time favorite of mine.

  14. kunstkitchen says:

    Classic summer tune…

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