100 Reasons To Not Kill Yourself: #32.

As some of you are aware, I am one of the few mammals alive that hasn’t been enraptured by the cultural phenomena known throughout the Multiverse as Game of Thrones.

I know, I know, it’s crazy, right?

Nevertheless, I’ve yet to become a fan of a program that has elevated incest, dragons, medieval brutality and the most depressing wedding of all time. However, GoT has inspired the title of today’s post and for that I will be forever grateful.

#32: Summer Is Coming.

It certainly doesn’t feel like it in my home base of Niagara Falls where the phrase, “April showers bring May flowers” has been replaced by “April showers bring May showers… So batten down the hatches, you poor bastards”, but the dog days of summer will soon be here.

I hope.

The weather in Niagara has been completely dreadful since last October but nothing lasts forever, and while it’s definitely far too brief in Canada, summer can only be delayed by pollution and Mother Nature’s mood swings, not cancelled entirely. Eventually, we’ll all be seeing the unmistakable signs that the fairest of all seasons is here once again. What are these signs? I’m so glad you asked…

• The birds will begin chirping at 4am, waking me from an agonizingly-brief slumber.
• My neighbors will stare at their dead grass, then at their hoses and sprinklers, before considering the water rates in Niagara Falls (which are ironically high) and then they’ll just let the grass die so they can afford another month of unlimited wi-fi.
• A few kids will get their bikes out of the garage – until Mom and Dad get visions of the rugrats getting wiped out by a driver or whisked away by a pedophile. Then the bike will go back in the garage, right next to the sprinkler. Cynical realities, I know, but realities nevertheless.
• There will be at least one old guy in shorts, black socks and sandals on every street, coffee shop or store walking around declaring, “How about this heat, am I right?”

As a bellman I’ve always been especially, ridiculously even, fond of the summer. Or as I like to refer to it, “The Only Season That Determines Whether or Not I Eat For The Rest Of The Year”.

Summer’s when it all happens in Niagara; it’s when the city is humming with life rather than rotting away like a decaying corpse.

Summer’s when travelers gather in large numbers to watch, and this is an exact quote from a guest, “A shit-ton of water piss down on a bunch of ancient rocks in a hole that was formed when a meteor bigger than my lady’s coochie came down and wiped out the dinosaurs.”

I love my guests from America’s inner cities.

Older folks and those with breathing issues may hate it, but summertime is filled with a wonderful sense of nostalgia for many of us. First kisses. First sip of beer with your dad on the porch. First time driving on your own when you hit a hobo and have to convince your drunk friends to help you hide the body. Lots of memorable firsts.

In short, summer truly is the season of life. So milk it for all it’s worth, kids; seize the day and all that jazz.

Breathe in the summer.

Live.

See you in the lobby, friends…

 

This may not be the most upbeat pop song ever but it’s status as a definitive summer song is irrefutable.