100 Reasons To Not Kill Yourself: #76.

When it comes to suicide there is often one inciting incident that tips the scale just enough to push a person over the edge, sometimes literally.

When one of my best friends made the decision to end his life he did so after a disastrous afternoon that was supposed to give him answers about his troubles but that ended up leaving him more in the dark than he had ever been. I’d elaborate, but Ronnie would want me to respect his family’s privacy and feelings so I’ll only say this: My friend was one of the most joyful souls I’ve ever met but for whatever reason he simply could no longer recognize the joy in the world around him.

I don’t want that to happen to anyone else.

We all need to learn to take notice of life’s simple pleasures, folks, even when they’re hidden in the strangest of places.

#76: Office Dave.

Everyone has a Dave (or a Steve or a Chuck) at their office, factory, whorehouse, black-ops safe house, whatever. Dave is the office weirdo, the one who always seems to microwave fish in the lunch room.

After two decades in the Niagara Falls hospitality industry I can honestly say I’ve seen every form of Dave the world has to offer, though I know fate’s always hiding an ace up it’s sleeve…

There was the midnight bellman (definitely a Dave if ever I’ve seen one) who kept a stash of various varieties of booze pilfered from gift baskets left over from a corporate shindig. He hid them in our luggage room and proceeded to drain them slowly over the course of a week. Of course, he was terminated by the end of the week, which was a shame, as his personality improved with every bottle. Sure, his story had an unhappy ending, but he bounced back. Eventually. I’m guessing.


This was the only logical choice, really. Enjoy.

Daves are the sort of mammal who elicit more eye rolls than a flurry of Trump’s tweets. They amaze us with an innate ability to go to places we’d never consider exploring unless we suddenly decided to down a few paint thinner cocktails.ย 

I once knew another midnight bellman (who actually was a Dave) that decided the best way to kill some time during an otherwise mind-numbing shift was to slide into a room under renovations and “unlock” the adult films. His masturbatory adventures continued for some time; until someone switched his hand lotion with Gorilla Glue.

What a sticky situation, indeed.

It may be a masculine name but Daves come in all genders. There was a female Dave at the hotel who insisted on drawing pentagrams on all herย  lovers, of which there were many. Fortunately, she always used a hotel pen and most of the time those suckers don’t work. How she got away with her amateur tattoo jobs is still a mystery to me (she didn’t look an accomplished seductress but somehow she managed to become a black widow extraordinaire) but her reign ended after a few years, though they were certainly memorable years at that.

I’ve encountered Daves that ate toothpaste for lunch, wore skirts to work (to be clear, this was a Dave with boy parts) when it wasn’t even Casual Friday, talked to themselves on a regular basis and generally made a mockery of conventional workplace behavior.

Were they nuts? Most certainly! Were they still worthy of my respect and in some cases, kinship? Absolutely. Judge not lest you be judged, pilgrims.

And therein lies my point: Daves may be a thorn in our side, they may sometimes make us dread punching in at all, but they’re just trying to find their way through life, as we all are. So look at them as a gift not a burden. There’s always the slimmest possibility they’re here to remind you of how good you really have it or they could be here to make you laugh so hard it hurts.

We just don’t know.

See you in the lobby, friends…

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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17 Responses to 100 Reasons To Not Kill Yourself: #76.

  1. Excellent, Hook. You are right we all have had an exposure to a Dave once upon a time.

  2. shimoniac says:

    It is my aspiration to become the local Dave. ๐Ÿ˜€

  3. I have 2 Daves in my life right now!! And you are right, both are amazing guys and make life worth living! ๐Ÿ˜‰

  4. Doug in Oakland says:

    You kind of sound like you’re describing the staff at pretty much every restaurant I ever worked in.

    Somehow those crews all became friend groups, also, in a way that the co-workers at my other jobs never seemed to. There were some actual Daves, also, but I don’t seem to be in contact with any of them these days. They did make for some really good times and some really good stories, kind of similar to the bellman stories you are so good at telling.

    I see them in the businesses I frequent and try to smile at them in a way that lets them know that I see what’s up, but without unnerving them or cramping their style, because I used to like that when the customers did it to me.

    Wait, I still know some Daves: there’s Burning Man Dave, and Wrecking Yard Dave, and Dave the Yoga instructor… and they all seem pretty cool, and I’m certainly glad they’re around doing their things.

    So, yes, I agree, Daves are a good reason to stick around and see what they get up to next.

  5. Theresa says:

    I also knew a Dave, although his name was Larry. He would just walk up to you and start talking like you were in the middle of a conversation with him. He was a close talker to, he would always get into your personal space, which put a lot of people off. I have to say that he was a peaceful soul, a wicked coder (programmer) and a very nice guy, he never had a bad word to say about anyone regardless of how they treated him.

    I found that I would defend him when some people would make fun of his clothes, his bathing habits or lack thereof.
    Since we’ve all gone our separate ways to other companies or to retirement, I think about him from time to time and wonder what’s up with his life now.

    Thanks for making me think about him again! I hope he is well and happy.

  6. I like eccentricity.. but I guess there’s a point at which it draws closer to something else.

  7. Just one very small thing can turn your day to crap…worse if you’re unstable

  8. Ankur Mithal says:

    Well said. And we don’t really have a right to judge them since we perhaps don’t really know their back story.

  9. curvyroads says:

    Daves make the world more interesting! ๐Ÿ˜

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