100 Reasons To Not Kill Yourself: #78.

The odds were against you from the very beginning.

Your mom could’ve had a migraine that day – or decided she liked girls.

Your dad could’ve been shooting blanks.

But none of that happened, and here you are.

#78: The Fact That You’re Here At All.

Let’s face it, the fact life on this planet exists at all is mind-boggling; a simple change to the oxygen, gravity, availability of coffee beans or any other essential quotient and we’d all be wiped out immediately. But we’re still here, and against all odds, so are you. I’m no Big Bang Theory science nerd, but here’s my take on your existence: Out of the 200 to 600 million sperm normally found in ejaculate (this figure varies wildly, so don’t blame me if my figures seem out of whack) only one will stop and ask for directions along the  Fallopian Tube Highway, thus ensuring it actually reaches a mature egg. Then the egg in question has to hope it can remember the password, pay the cover charge, gain entrance and fertilize the sucker.

If all that works out then you’re off to the races! Of course, then you have to survive nine months of gestation and pray the MD in charge of your birth is sober. The doc that delivered my daughter left the hospital after inducing my wife in the morning and when he finally returned, we discovered he had enjoyed a couple of drinks at a friend’s house minutes before! That was a fun moment as we considered whether or not I could take charge of things myself; we soon realized I’m better at making deposits in that area (though I needed medical assistance via IVF) than withdrawals, and took our chances.

Again, it all worked out even though it probably shouldn’t have.


Every day people all over the world perish in simple-yet-unbelievable accidents that could befall any of us at any time. Just last month, a giant chunk of ice, believed to have fallen from an airplane (or a giant’s mixed drink) crashed through the roof of a Mississauga home, landing steps away from the bed of Mr. Tony Caccavo. I can only imagine that Tony let some pretty saucy Italian expletives fly before he realized just how fortunate he was.

But even if he had perished in a bizarre incident tinged with dark humor, at least Mr. Caccavo defied the odds by existing right up until that perilous and very wet moment.

And therein lieth the lesson. (Shakespeare in the park ain’t got nothin’ on me!) Every moment of your life, every second of your very existence, is a testament to the simple-yet-sweet victory that is the sum of your time on earth.

You’re here when you probably shouldn’t be.

So enjoy it.

Stay here for as long as you can and make the most of it because you never when the odds will no longer be in your favor.

See you in the lobby, kids…


About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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19 Responses to 100 Reasons To Not Kill Yourself: #78.

  1. Out of whack is an odd phrase you use in close proximity to sperm counts….

  2. “Every day people all over the world perish in simple-yet-unbelievable accidents that could befall any of us at any time.” Hook, this is so true. It was a dark and rainy night two nights ago when I took the dog out. I was being extra careful with my footing on our slick sidewalk, but doggone if my feet didn’t fly out from under me, and I land with a loud oomph. I’ve endured many a fall, but this time I hit the back of my head really hard on a TREE! I’m ok, but the fact that a life-changing blow could have befallen me was not taken lightly. I’m sticking around a while longer. Good post, Hook.

  3. “You’re here when you probably shouldn’t be.” – if that’s not a profound universal truth, nothing else is. (Should be enough to make you hang around and try and figure out why?)
    (Your writing style is fun and clever as usual)

  4. 3bones says:

    Lots to like in this post, Hook … I especially like your opening line … “The odds were against you from the very beginning.” A one to 200 to 600 million chance at life. And here we are. Against all odds, especially when you consider that your chances of being hit by lightning are 1 in 960,000. Or your chances of winning the 649 lottery are 1 in 13,983,816. So all of us that are here have actually won the life lottery … we are all so lucky. A fantastic positive post with much to think about …

  5. Doug in Oakland says:

    I was an accident to begin with, and the brushes with death were many back in my motorcycle racing days, but the evening I woke up having survived a stroke in my sleep succeeded in getting the concept through my otherwise thick skull where the previous incidents failed somehow, and these days I actually look after my health as if I plan on being around for a while…
    There were those who doubted that I would live to see eighteen, and now I’m fifty-eight, so I’m forty to the good and counting, right?

  6. This one has to touch genius, Hook. What a great idea. To celebrate what you probably shouldn’t have but do. My hat is off to you.

  7. Did you hear about the moron who is suing his parents because he never consented to being born???? Just so you know I am not making that shit up.. here is the link: https://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-india-47154287 I swear some people are BEYOND stupid!! Grrr… Seems like this would be the perfect argument for suicide. But yet, he isn’t willing to go that route apparently. (not that he should) just sayin’ He’s a Moron…

  8. curvyroads says:

    Such a great point, Robert! 😍

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