100 Reasons To Not Kill Yourself: #94.

This one is quite obvious but if you’re depressed it may not register in your consciousness.

So allow me to illuminate you…

#94: It’s Really Going To Hurt.

Seriously, like I mean really hurt. Like Indian rug burn hurt. A lot of people think jumping from Niagara Falls is a quick way to perish but nothing could be further from the truth. Sure, you may die immediately when you hit the water but here’s the more likely scenario:

  • You’ll hit the water and get the wind knocked out of you.
  • Gasping for air, you’ll be battered by endless waves and whipped around like a human piñata.
  • Assuming you remain conscious your body will be battered against the rocks at the bottom of the Falls or at the Niagara Gorge until you finally give up the ghost, so to speak.

This is why most people are unrecognizable when the authorities finally recover them from the water; the sheer force of the waves and the impact of the rocks will often rip the flesh right from their bones, leaving them looking like an extra on The Walking Dead.

Not so glamorous, is it?

Trust me, it’s as deadly as it is beautiful.


Hanging is also painful as hell, as your body twists and writhes until all the oxygen is exhausted in your body. If you’re “lucky” your neck will snap immediately – but it more than likely won’t.

Pills? They may knock you out but if they don’t, you can look forward to choking on whatever you ate that day.

Electrocution is no picnic either, as your skin bubbles and pops like a frog on a hot plate.

Poison, watching Sarah Sanders press scrums, shotgun blasts to the face, they all hurt like the dickens.

There was a young man who drove his car to the Table Rock Complex one night where he proceeded to place a gun in his mouth. He pulled the trigger but inexplicably, he didn’t die. He then pulled out a knife and slit his throat. Not only was that just too much effort for someone who supposedly didn’t have the energy to live anymore, it had to have hurt. A lot.

I recognize that people who are contemplating suicide are already in pain, but for the most part we’re talking about psychological pain as opposed to the type of physical pain that makes you want to jump out of your skin rather than over the Falls.

Do me – and yourself – a favor: Got get a pin, open the palm of your hand, and jam that sucker in there, lightly or softly (dealer’s choice) but just do it. Oh, and before you do, I want you to picture whatever makes you happiest in life. It can be a sitting in the movies, making love to your significant other, or maybe even a favorite memory with your kids. Regardless, just place this image there and go for it.

No up to it? Think I’m crazy? Well, that may be true, but that instinct that’s preventing you from self-harm is what’s going to keep you alive. Remember that feeling and keep it at the ready. Just in case.

Trainers may disagree with me, but pain is not your friend, and pain is all that awaits you if you travel that dark path that ends in suicide.

See you in the lobby, friends…

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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11 Responses to 100 Reasons To Not Kill Yourself: #94.

  1. The pain is an excellent thing to point out, Hook. Well done.

  2. dianaepona says:

    I have to wonder what percentage of people who attempt suicide fail in said attempt. I have to admit, I have not looked that one up. But, when I worked for a plastic surgeon who was also a maxillofacial surgeon/dentist, and who specialized in treating traumatic injuries, we saw three people who did not get the job done. And that was during my three year stint in his office. One tried to “bite the gun” and only succeeded in blowing her face to pieces. The doctor put her back together, and did an awesome job. Another tried to jump off the bridge. He missed, and landed on a building under the structure, smashing all the bones in his face. The doctor rebuilt him. In truth, he looked better after than before. And I don’t remember what happened with the third person. This is a topic where it doesn’t pay to be kind and/or dance around the facts involved with the action. “Never” is one of the longest words in the English language. Should someone attempt suicide, and succeed, it is an action from which that person can never return. Wonderful observations, Hook. Looking forward to the next one.

  3. davidprosser says:

    The wisest of words Robert but necessary, Thanks.

  4. Doug in Oakland says:

    One recurring factor in the stories of everyone I’ve read about who survived a jump from the Golden Gate Bridge is that they say they knew the instant they were falling that they had made a mistake.
    Of course it’s too late by then for most, but a few do survive it to bring their stories back to the land of the living.
    To a one, they all wanted people who were considering suicide to know about the feelings of regret that hit them when they jumped, and the struggle to survive that then ensued.
    And yes, the awful pain.

  5. There is no “good way”! They are all bad!

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