If you’re the kind of person who says things like, “It was so horrible… But I couldn’t look away!”, then you’ll love this one.
See ya later, dog lovers.
For those of you who are still with us… We’ll continue.
Cats were revered in ancient Egypt. Then again, so was slavery, being buried with all your worldly possessions and holding an asp to your breast; Egyptians were weird dudes.
Nowadays felines are enjoying a resurgence in popularity after losing ground to canines for decades. I spoke to a cat recently and while she didn’t actually use words to communicate, her expression screamed, “Those godless dog bastards thought they had us licked, but we’re cats… We’ll lick ourselves first!”
So as you can see, cats are endlessly entertaining. If you don’t believe me then you can just log on the interweb and watch every video featuring a cat doing something someone considers entertaining.
It should only take you the rest of your natural life.
Cats are evil but in a fun way. Personally, I’ve never been able to devote more than a few minutes to frisky felines and their devious ways but if you’re feeling lower than low give YouTube a chance. Before you know it you’ll be yukking it up to cats that leap on sleeping babies, cats that pounce at grandma’s derriere as she attempts to sit down to watch her stories or even cats that claw a randy boyfriend’s crotch as he prepares to engage in coitus with some jealous feline’s mistress. As long as you’re not suffering from a gunshot wound, feline-induced laughter really is the best medicine, kids.
If you’re dead you can’t watch the latest shenanigans cats are engaging in online. Better yet, get yourself a feline of your own (a rescue is always best) and with the exception of a late-night trip-and-fall, they’ll bring you nothing but lifesaving entertainment. And a full litter box. But even dry heaving to the repugnant odor of an overflowed “cat toilet” beats death.
And on that pleasant note, see you in the lobby, friends…