100 Reasons To Not Kill Yourself: #97.

This reason to prolong your existence involves that one person in our lives who inspires more love – and guilt – than any other.

#97: Your Mom.

Incidentally, that word isn’t “suicide”.

 

There are moms out there who work sixty-hour weeks at multiple jobs who still barely manage to scrape by and put food on the table for their family.

There are moms who never miss a family game night, a practice, a lesson or a recital. Even if you wish they would.

Some moms give up their kids for adoption while others devote every waking moment to being a parent.

Addiction or abuse claims some moms and creates a chasm that can never be filled.

There are as many different types of moms as there are children but one truth applies to all moms:

At their core, every single mom loves her child.

So think about that truth and don’t contemplate suicide, your mom wouldn’t like it.

My relationship with my own mother was fractured beyond repair at the time of her death this year from bone cancer. Yes, we reconnected but it wasn’t the same. When I was growing up my mom was my best pal, my movie buddy, my friend. I recognized the fact that not everyone can make that claim but as I grew older and built a life for myself, hers fell apart and though she’d never admit it she began to resent me.

It took years but I had to finally break ties with the person who gave me life. I cut my through to my core but it was necessary for my sanity and the sanctity of my own family. But when I got the call, that call I’ll never forget, everything changed again. My wife and I were there every day, even though what was supposed to be a weekend in the hospital became over two months, we were there.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting I wanted my mother to perish immediately; every second with her was a blessing – at first. But bone cancer literally eats a person alive and watching someone you love – or even someone you hate – writhe in agony would drive some people to suicide themselves. Painkillers were useless to an addict so she suffered terribly. (My mother was addicted to prescription painkillers after decades of kidney issues.)

We had a neighbor who was dealing with the same affliction at the same time and he opted for medically-assisted suicide after receiving his diagnosis. No judgement here, he did what was right for him. My mother didn’t travel that route and she paid for it in spades.

But no matter how bad things got, even in the darkest moments (and there were some pretty ultra-dark moments) I always knew my mom loved me.

That kind of love will literally save your life… If you’re willing to let it.

See you in the lobby, kids…

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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23 Responses to 100 Reasons To Not Kill Yourself: #97.

  1. Sorry for your loss Robert. I lost my Mum in January, so coming up for the first year without her. Distance was a major factor with visits, but I wrote once or twice every week for the last few years, but we visited when we could. Dementia meant she didn’t know who the voice belonged to on the end of the phone, so knowing how upset she’d get trying to remember, I stuck to letters. I never once doubted she loved me though.

  2. H.E. ELLIS says:

    Sometimes the best thing we can do for ourselves is to accept that our parents love us in their own way.

  3. Theresa says:

    I’m so glad you got to know once again, after all you’ve both been through, that your Mom loved you!
    You’re taking a wonderfully high road on this issue Hook! I’m glad I found you! You’re a stand-up kindda man. One that is hard to find in this day of the “orange-headed cheeto”.

  4. Happy New Year, Hook. This series is wonderful. I’m glad you are doing it.

  5. Doug in Oakland says:

    I lost my friend Dan to bone cancer, so I do know what that’s about. My mother died in ’91 from a brain tumor, and only lasted three weeks after the diagnosis, during which they were unable to contact me for really stupid reasons I will carry to my own grave.
    So if you have a mother, and you get a message to call your parents, just do it, that’s all I have to say.
    And, yes, don’t make your mother cope with your death, especially at your own hand.
    I hope you and your family have a wonderful 2019.

  6. Just… wow. And youre

    • (I can’t believe a brush of my pinky on this tablet hit the post button. Argh,) You’re so very right about a mother’s love. No matter what, it’s always there. Even when it’s hidden by all sorts of crap. Good reason to stick around.

  7. curvyroads says:

    So sorry for your loss, Robert, especially since I know you lost her at least once before her death. The relationship with your mother is a complex and often difficult one, but fundamental too. I am glad you were able to be with her at the end. You are a good egg, my friend. ❤

  8. How it would have affected my grandmother was actually the thought that stopped me.. but mother works also. 😉

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