A bellman is a lot like a bartender in that we both get paid to listen to people moan about every topic under the sun; travel, the state of the modern hospitality industry, sex (that particular topic sometimes involves literal moaning) religion, and of course, politics.
Ever since he came into power roughly two years I’ve encountered colleagues, guests, even hookers, who swear Donald Trump’s reign of power/chaos is going to end with a bullet. You know what I think about that?
TEN REASONS WHY DORITOS ARE THE PERFECTEST FOOD EVER.
ONE) When you eat ’em they crunch like Godzilla biting down on Mecha-Godzilla. That’s so cool!
TWO) They leave your fingers all red and pasty, so you look like you’ve just fought a horde of Ruskies. (They’re the bad guys again.)
THREE) The bag they come in is red so when you rip it open it’s like you’re ripping the Russian flag apart… Which is cool… since they’re the bad guys again.
FOUR) Doritos grow at 7-Eleven and 7-Eleven has Slurpees. So you get two yummy treats at once.
Wayne Campbell loves Doritos. Wayne Campbell is cool. Thus, Doritos are cool.
FOUR) They’re not greasy. (Greasy food leaves your heart surrounded in a thick, clogging layer of negativity. Stay positive, dudes!)
FOUR) They come in several sizes like small and ultra-humongous! I like to eat the small bag so I look like a giant.
FIVE) There are a million different types and flavors of Doritos, unlike the veggies my damn wife always makes me eat. (I hate my wife.)
SIX) My wife sometimes comes back from the food store with Doritos! (I love my wife!)
SEVEN) They don’t grow in the ground, so you don’t have to wash ’em like those horrible veggies.
EIGHT) Doritos taste like that feeling you get when you look at a puppy covered in rainbows.
NINE) Doritos can also be bad-ass, like a ninja warrior puppy covered in the blood of his enemies.
TEN) They taste like super powers wrapped in winning the lottery with a new car smell… They’re awesome wow!
So that’s why I think that President Donald Trump’s presidency won’t ever end with him being shot, it’ll end with him falling into Stormy Daniels’ vagina and never being seen again.
Thank you.
Have I mentioned that pot is legal now in Canada? And there are no side-effects for bloggers or other mammals?
See you in… where’s that place I’ll see you again?
Such a simple little plant… But it got Justin elected, kids.
You've Been Hooked! 
Hey Hook, what’s in that pipe you’re smoking?
I don’t really know… but it’s legal!
From your words to God’s ears!
Yep.
Thanks, old friend.
If it weren’t so dang cold, many of us would move to Canada!
You could always stay warm by lighting up…
That’s just trading being cold for being hungry.
Excellent post, Hook. Excellent reasons to make Doritos a food group.
And a good example of why I never smoke pot in real life, John…
Ha haha.
Even though I don’t use pot, your column is still fun! I’m such a good aunt that when nieces and nephews were young I would let them eat Doritos in my car despite the gooey fingers- when they were even younger it was Cheeetos. Guess I always loved bright colors.
I don’t actually smoke pot either, Loretta, you cool aunt.
Have I ever told you about my Hubby (He-Who) being the very first person to make a Slurpee in Canada? True fact. Also, what happened to the 7-11 on Victoria across from Country Fresh Doughnuts?
They’ve closed a few 7-Eleven outlets lately, Michelle.
There was one at the top of Drummond across from Stamford High School that also went the way of the dodo, unfortunately.
Brilliant and funny um what’s your name again?
I can’t remember…
Much as I like you, much as I like the idea of legal cannabis… Nope
I hear you.
When we legalized it here, I heard a lot of “Well, doesn’t everyone in California already smoke it? What’s the big deal?” kind of stuff from my internet friends out of state.
My reply to them is that I have friends and family members who have done jail and prison time for it, and I lost a couple of acquaintances, back in Humboldt County where I grew up, to the violence that surrounds the black market.
So the giant billboard on Telegraph Avenue that says “Marijuana, delivered for your pleasure” in big green letters may have more meaning for me than for those likely to be actual customers of the business it promotes.
I appreciate you weighing in and sharing, Doug.
My mother was an addict and so I hear you loud and clear.
Take care, Doug.
Lobby!! See you in the lobby. Right?
I don’t think I’ve ever had a Dorito. Do I need to get them if I decide to buy some weed?
My fav snacks are Miss Vickie’s (proudly Canadian, eh) unsalted potato chips and Lay’s Cheetos. The latter also provides a good crunch and will turn your fingers orange-ish. Both snacks go supremely well with chilled white wine.
Well, weed gives you the munchies, so Doritos usually fit the bill, or so I’ve been told…
This was an AMAZING Blog Hook 🌹🌹🌹 keep your blogs coming I truly love them ❤❤❤❤
About Pot ….. Up in Smoke 🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹💚💃💚 Love U Hook
And I love you, Barbara.
You’re killing me! Now I want some Doritos, and most of the ingredients aren’t my friends these days. Off to find something crunchy and salty to munch.
As much as I don’t smoke pot and don’t care on a personal level if it’s legal or not, I’ve seen it’s medicinal benefits, and am glad it’s becoming decriminalized. A friend’s wife started taking CBD oil, and after about a decade of side effects from traumatic brain injury that included developing a very short temper and flying off the handle every day, she’s back to being herself again. This is huge.
It truly is.
Thanks for weighing in.
Well as a pot enthusiast from waaaay back, I’d say, if Trump imbibed, he’d either be more paranoid and delusional than he already is, OR, he’d be more human. His hair would also be a more orange shade of…well, orange!
Keep em coming Hook!
I’m trying, Theresa.
I have my days where I’m just not feeling it – and there are plenty of those days, believe me – but I’m trying.
Salsa Verde Doritos are the third best thing on the planet.
In case you were wondering, the first two are my wife and daughter.
Good for you, Revis.
I have my moments.
I do not and actually never have enjoyed Doritos. Yes, I am the oddity.
We’re all mad here, Catherine.
I have thought that bullet comment as well, but dare not say it aloud. However, I thought the same about Obama. Not that I wished it but that the rascist freakos would be waiting for him at every turn. Thank God it didn’t happen. So thank you for moving on to Doritos and pot. Wish the latter were legal here then I could get through the next two years in peace.
Time flies, lovely lady, time flies…
So what’s the bigger addiction, pot or Doritos?
Pot, I’d imagine.
Though I don’t smoke anything or eat Doritos often myself.
A few thoughts…
1) Canada was also one of the first countries to legalize Doritos!
2) I like big bags of Doritos so I actually look like a giant later.
3) Donald Trump presidency will not end with a bullet. I mean, it’s possible that he could get shot, but since he has no vital organs like a heart or a brain, he’ll probably survive.
8) Sounds like pot adversely affects the ability to count to 10, so I guess I can’t do pot… again.
It’s a killer, brother…
Doritos whore here. And it’s not pot driven. Nonetheless, I’m headed to the Canadian side next spring so long as the Donald allows me to renew my passport.
You’ll be fine… we’ll take anyone!
Thanks for the giggle…for a guy who doesn’t imbibe, you have a knack for writing this as if you did…just sayin. Xoxo
And I’m just saying thank you!
Weed is for Winners (saying this for a friend–I of course have no opinion about it).
Good for you, Switzerland!