A bellman is a lot like a bartender in that we both get paid to listen to people moan about every topic under the sun; travel, the state of the modern hospitality industry, sex (that particular topic sometimes involves literal moaning) religion, and of course, politics.
Ever since he came into power roughly two years I’ve encountered colleagues, guests, even hookers, who swear Donald Trump’s reign of power/chaos is going to end with a bullet. You know what I think about that?
TEN REASONS WHY DORITOS ARE THE PERFECTEST FOOD EVER.
ONE) When you eat ’em they crunch like Godzilla biting down on Mecha-Godzilla. That’s so cool!
TWO) They leave your fingers all red and pasty, so you look like you’ve just fought a horde of Ruskies. (They’re the bad guys again.)
THREE) The bag they come in is red so when you rip it open it’s like you’re ripping the Russian flag apart… Which is cool… since they’re the bad guys again.
FOUR) Doritos grow at 7-Eleven and 7-Eleven has Slurpees. So you get two yummy treats at once.
FOUR) They’re not greasy. (Greasy food leaves your heart surrounded in a thick, clogging layer of negativity. Stay positive, dudes!)
FOUR) They come in several sizes like small and ultra-humongous! I like to eat the small bag so I look like a giant.
FIVE) There are a million different types and flavors of Doritos, unlike the veggies my damn wife always makes me eat. (I hate my wife.)
SIX) My wife sometimes comes back from the food store with Doritos! (I love my wife!)
SEVEN) They don’t grow in the ground, so you don’t have to wash ’em like those horrible veggies.
EIGHT) Doritos taste like that feeling you get when you look at a puppy covered in rainbows.
NINE) Doritos can also be bad-ass, like a ninja warrior puppy covered in the blood of his enemies.
TEN) They taste like super powers wrapped in winning the lottery with a new car smell… They’re awesome wow!
So that’s why I think that President Donald Trump’s presidency won’t ever end with him being shot, it’ll end with him falling into Stormy Daniels’ vagina and never being seen again.
Have I mentioned that pot is legal now in Canada? And there are no side-effects for bloggers or other mammals?
See you in… where’s that place I’ll see you again?