What Happens Next?

I’m back, bitches!

Now what?

To be entirely honest, I’m not all that comfortable with the term “bitches”, but it’s amusing, so it made the final edit. Or at least it would have if I had an editing process in the first place. But my question remains: what do I do now that I’m back in the blogging game?

Get back to basics, I suppose.

The phone rings at the Bell Desk. I answer. (Gripping stuff so far, right?)

FEMALE TRAVELER FROM GOD-KNOWS-WHERE:  Yes, hello, can I have a guy with a thing to my room?

ME:  (Stifling my laughter. But not much.)  And what would you like the guy with the thing to do when he arrives at your room, miss?

FEMALE TRAVELER:  I need him to take my shit downstairs!

Finishing school really paid off for this broad, didn’t it?

ME:  We can send a bellman to your room to retrieve the luggage, miss. He’ll be right up…

FEMALE TRAVELER:  But I’m not ready! I just wanted to see if it was possible to get a guy with a thing to take my shit downstairs!

ME:  It’s more than possible, miss… it’s entirely doable! Just give us a call whenever you’re actually ready and we’ll send a bellman with a cart to your room.

FEMALE TRAVELER:  Sounds awesome! What’s your number?

At that point, I shuddered and if it was possible, my head would have exploded from frustration.

ME:  Forgive me, miss, but… if you don’t have our number… how are we speaking right now?

FEMALE TRAVELER:  Uh… I’m really not prepared to answer any questions…

I think this chick thought she was being interrogated by the authorities. I was expecting her to ask to call a lawyer.

ME:  All right, miss, just push the speed-dial button your phone marked, “Bell Desk” and you’ll be all set.

FEMALE TRAVELER:  All I have to do is push the button?

ME:  No, miss… you’ll have to actually pick up the receiver, put it to your ear and press the button. Someone at my desk (definitely not me) will answer and help you from there.

FEMALE TRAVELER:  That rocks! This hotel has it on lockdown!

ME:  I’m assuming that’s a good thing in this case… so thank you, miss.

Why in Heaven’s name  don’t I drink or do drugs?

See you in the lobby, kids…

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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43 Responses to What Happens Next?

  1. nbratscott says:

    😄😜🤓welcome back!!!

  2. Marion Hardy says:

    Welcome back my friend!! You can never go wrong with the basics especially the basic strangeness of the human race!

  3. C.E.Robinson says:

    Glad you’re back! Missed laughing at your bellhop stories. I’d say Blogging breaks are good to regroup. Have a happy week! 📚 Christine

  4. Good to have you back Robert. 🙂

  5. Gads. Women like that are probably the cause of name usage like that….and not really building much respect for the human species either.
    Laugh or cry – great to see you back

  6. Barbara CASWELL says:

    What kind of dumb, stupid women do we have here???? I have been in hotels and all of them have lots of information about the HOTEL. I wonder if this women CAN READ. I THINK Not 🤪🤪🤪 Maybe drinking was her problem 🥃🥃🥃🥃
    So glad your BACK Shantelle ❤❤❤ missed you so much 🌹🌹🌹🌹 Love ❤💚💃💚🌹🌹🌹

  7. dianaepona says:

    One ringy dingy…..LOL, awesome piece! Thanks for the laugh on a boring Monday!

  8. Welcome back, your dreams were your ticket out
    Welcome back, to that same old place that you laughed about
    Well the names have all changed since you hung around
    But those dreams have remained and they’ve turned around
    We always could spot a friend, welcome back
    And I smile when I think how you must have been
    And I know what a scene you were learning in
    Was there something that made you come back again
    And what could ever lead ya
    (What could ever lead ya)
    Back here where we need ya!! 😘

  9. What do you do now? Just what you just did. Super story.

  10. oceanswater says:

    Hi Hook:
    I’m down here in Aruba and have met many of your Canadian residents. Some of the nicest people I’ve ever met. Welcome back! I’ve missed you!

    • The Hook says:

      Canadians are awesome, aren’t we?
      Most of us, anyway…
      Anyone that is fortunate enough to make your acquaintance has been truly blessed, by the way.

      • oceanswater says:

        Thanks sweet guy! I’m not sure you know, but I dropped my old blog and started a new one. “Justifiable Opinions.” If you haven’t already done so, please follow along. I always enjoy your comments.

  11. Doug in Oakland says:

    I have it on good authority that many drugs would only make it even more confusing…

  12. Wow! That’s a whole new level of…let’s call it stupid. And for the record you have uncovered many, many, many levels.

  13. You sure can pick ’em, Hook.
    On a sidetrack, I’ve been through the ‘But you called me’ thing with people purporting to be interested in an accident I had ‘last month.’
    ‘Which one?’
    ‘Sorry?’
    ‘I had two last month. Which one?’
    ‘I just need some more details.’
    ‘Tell me which one, and I’ll help you if I can. You called me after all. You must know what it was about.’

  14. StillWaters says:

    “Sounds awesome! What’s your number?” Eh?????!!!!! Some stunned.

    Welcome back, Hookster.

  15. curvyroads says:

    Glad you’re back…I needed that laugh tonight! 😍

  16. Hello! Welcome back!!! We have missed you:)
    Looks like your place of business is still drumming up excellent characters and situations 😉

  17. jlheuer says:

    A day in the life. Welcome back.

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