Well, readers, it’s Sunday afternoon and I’m in the lobby, post-check-out, in Niagara Falls.
And just like Billy Murray in Groundhog Day, I can’t escape the feeling I’ve been here before… and that I certainly will be again. This winter has been particularly tough on the bellmen, as tips have been as plentiful as a straight answer from Trump’s mouthpiece Sarah Sanders. Granted, there have been a few calls to put a little coin in our pockets, but most calls unfold like this:
And no, this is not a classic case of yours truly embellishing a situation for dramatic and comedic effect; this guy was a DJ who considered himself a high-rolling spinner of tunes and sounds.
But nothing could have been further from the truth. The again, truth is subjective, isn’t it? Especially these days. The President of the United States thinks he’s got everything under control, Kevin Spacey most likely thinks he’s a victim, Hollywood thinks they can erase decades of abuse by letting a few people with girl parts hand out awards and the Kardashians still think they’re not a scourge upon this planet. This is the age of the self-written narrative, my friends, and we’re supposed to accept everything we see and read as fact.
Personally, I’m a cynic at heart. I prefer cold hard facts over third-party accounts. That said, I’m willing to give the benefit of the doubt to the victims in the #MeToo movement sweeping the entertainment and political machines right now… I just pray no one is abusing this situation to enact revenge on those they feel has wronged them. And that’s all I have to say about that, especially since this topic is a minefield and I prefer my body parts remain attached to my skeleton.
But getting back to the lobby, post-check-out frenzy, there were over nine hundred rooms leaving the hotel today. That translates out to thousands of warm bodies and tens of thousands of pieces of luggage, including pillows, booze, extra winter wear, coolers and assorted modern travel items like video equipment, bedding with Velcro sex straps and things I don’t even want to think about.
And yet, there were fourteen luggage calls for four bellmen to share.
Just let that soak in for a moment. I know I had to when I consulted the figures.
Many of my fellow employees at the hotel have falsely assumed that the bellmen are at the top of the food chain when it comes to gratuities. If only it were so. No, I’m afraid that honor goes to the servers; those buggers can make some serious coin. But even they’re hurting this winter.
The truth is, travelers t Niagara Falls have never been as hostile, or as unbelievably-cheap, as they have been these last few years. The Summer of 2017 not only took one of my best friends with it, it showed me the value of saving your pennies whenever you can. Sure, you have to unwind and live in the moment as much as possible, but you can’t let all that living leave you so broke you consider adding Fancy Feast to Meatloaf Monday.
I’ve tried to offset my losses at work by investing in the stock market for the first time. I recently broke open the piggy bank and bought some weed stock as well as some other acquisitions.
And then the stock market tumbled on Friday.
How do you think I’m feeling about my decision now?
At ant rate, I’ve veered off into Ramble Town so I think it’s time to go. I have a whole lot of nothing to bet back to.
See you in the lobby, kids…