It Sounds Like It’d Be Great To Create On, But Writer’s Block Actually Sucks.

Seriously, I’d rather be tasked with brushing the teeth of a rabid jackal, or teach a Kardashian how to open a book than have to overcome writer’s block.

As any of my ten regular readers can tell you, I haven’t exactly been a fountain of joy lately, spewing my upbeat goodness all over humanity’s collective form. Yes, I realize that imagery may be disturbing to some, but at least it woke you up, right? You’re welcome.

I often find myself walking a fine line as a writer and so I have to answer some vital questions when it comes to my writing voice:

  1.  Do I indulge my naughty side and work blue?
  2.  Can I possibly accurately describe all the madness I deal with as a Niagara Falls bellman without cursing?
  3.  Will my readers think of me as a pervert if I freely admit I watch the occasional (cough) adult film?
  4.  How much of my personal life should I include on my blog?
  5.  How much of my personal life can I include on my blog before my wife beats me like I owe her money?
  6.  Will I ever get past my grief and guilt over the passing of Rockin’ Ronnie?
  7.  Will anyone ever respond to my 5×5 requests ever again?  (Because I’ve received dozens of replies form subjects who have said yes, but then return any As to my Qs.)

The truth is, I’ve answered a few of these queries a long time ago. I’ll always shoot from the hip as a writer and that means with the exception of identifying details of the guilty parties, I’ll always describe the situations I encounter as a bellman completely accurately. Yes, I’m an HR director’s wet dream come true, thank you for noticing.

How do I feel about writer’s block?  let me smash the ways…


But back to meshugana mental block of mine; I’d love to write… about anything at this point, to be honest. But with the exception of a few Murdoch reviews a month, it’s exhausting to mine my consciousness for material. Don’t get me wrong, I’m going to keep trying to uncork my brain-box. I’m persistent that way, especially when it comes to tasks I’m not quite proficient at; just ask my wife…

Ironically, my body’s been reflecting my mental state of late. It’s been so much fun wrestling with IBS. I’ve always wanted to have a medical condition that’s advertised on late-night television and whose “cures” have more side effects than Trump mouthpiece Sarah Huckabee has evasive answers. However, I’m happy to report that my doctor put me on new meds (never thought I’d be typing that statement) last week and they’re working like a charm. The old stuff made it impossible to leave the house – and the bathroom – for fear of experiencing a disaster of epiclly mess proportions.

But enough of the lovely imagery, I have good news!  Turns out that when I had that awesome colonoscopy last July to check for the source of my IBS, the doctor found something that was most unexpected, but fortunately for me, was completely treatable. One quick snip later the doc removed a cancerous polyp from my colon.

Yes, you read that correctly: I had something truly dangerous in my body that, had it been left unchecked, may have killed me, but it has been removed. So it turns out my IBS – and a team of medical practitioners – saved my life.

I fully intend to remain vigilant and keep a close eye on my butt (sounds weird, I know but that is the area I’ll need checked regularly) in order to remain in the land of the living for as long as possible. I’ve been despondent as hell lately but I’ve no intention of dying anytime soon.

Here’s to living, friends, it’s the greatest.

Now that I think about it, who cares about writer’s block? I’m alive, bitches!

See you in the lobby, kids…

Do whatever it takes to keep running that race for as long as you can, it’s worth it.

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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34 Responses to It Sounds Like It’d Be Great To Create On, But Writer’s Block Actually Sucks.

  1. Theresa says:

    Oh Hook, I’m so glad you’re feeling better! Thank God for good Doctor’s. They are not that common unfortunately. (I’ve had my own experience with 2 bad ones).

    Here is my opinion on your writer’s block: the fact that you were told by your employer to stop writing about your guests put the kibosh on your material! Therefore, leaving you to grope for a story without getting into hot water with the bosses. I mean, talk about stifling a writer! You were gagged, so to speak!

    So, just write about them. I do miss it! It was soooo entertaining and made me laugh more times than not! And hey, you can count me as #11 reader of your posts!

    • The Hook says:

      I appreciate the fact you have my six, T, but I still write about the hotel on occasion; just check the recent archives and i hope you’ll be satisfied!
      Honestly, your support means everything.

  2. You are right, compared to being alive, nothing can suck, really. I am happy to read that you got it all fixed and that you are feeling better. And hopefully you will find a way around the writer’s block. (and I do agree with Theresa).

  3. Ditto to the above comments (and I’ll sign on for #12)

  4. dianaepona says:

    Speaking from a woman’s perspective, there are worse things than having to check one’s own butt (use your imagination). However, I AM glad the nasty was found and removed. Onward and upward, right?

    As to the writing and blocks and being bound and gagged….wait. I’m going in the wrong direction. Just remember what they tell couples having a hard time getting pregnant. Relax. Forget about it. THEN it will happen. I’ve been there, done that more times than Trump has lied. And that’s saying something.

    Keep writing your “usual” stuff, and if something pops into your bean brain, even if it’s not like anything you have ever done before, write it anyway. You may surprise yourself. Or not. But it will be an opening. And sometimes that’s all water — or ideas — need to break the dam.

  5. StillWaters says:

    Yay, Hook. Glad to read that the IBS cloud had a silver lining by helping you get rid of that polyp.

    The image of you teaching a Kardashian how to open a book has made my day.

  6. Good ole IBS. Enjoyed this, Hook. Good stuff.

  7. Doug in Oakland says:

    As a stroke survivor, I advise caution where corks and brain-boxes are concerned. Also, as a stroke survivor who used to suffer from depression and haven’t really done so since my stroke in 2008, it is amazing what kind of perspective a brush with actual death can give a person.

    As for your list of questions, #3, nope. #6 for the most part, yes, after you get your mind engaged with stuff he would have liked, his memory won’t be as painful. Or that’s how it has worked for me, anyway.

    Keep breathing, and put one foot in front of the other hella times (remember, I’m from Oakland) and pretty soon you’ll be merrily tapping away at your writing device.

    I have a little list of healthcare professionals to whom I owe my continued existence, so I feel like I get you on that one.

  8. Writer’s blocks sucks. Period. And I know you’ll become unblocked, as sure as your colon was, prior to your colonoscopy. Speaking of colon, so glad to hear they found and nipped the polyp in the bud. Glad to hear you’ve got a better medication for IBS. I dealt with it for a number of years, not knowing it was a thing and had a name. I was just miserable. After switching doctors, taking a blood test, and learning I was allergic to all dairy products and animal milks, I took them out of my diet. Lo and behold, my IBS went away.

    I miss your bellman stories. Keep writing whatever strikes your fancy – just don’t strike it too hard.

  9. I’m sure this is a tough time Robert. I’m sorry you are going through it. I’m sorry about the loss of your friend and having IBS and writer’s block. We all experience the lows in life from time to time. The trick is not to stay there. You will get through this time and be stronger on the other side in spite if it… 💜

  10. I’m just going to skip the part about something possibly being wrong with you because we all know you’re invincible, just like Boris.

    Writer’s block is horrible. I’m going through a case of it myself. Only for my blog though. I have no troubles writing my offline stuff. It’s strange.

  11. Allie P. says:

    It’s funny how things work out sometimes. I am glad you have found a treatment that works but gladder that the polyp was identified and removed, though I would have settled for only removed if I had to choose.

    I hate writer’s block and have had to battle it more times than I’d like to admit. Best of luck!

  12. shimoniac says:

    Me, myself, and I count as readers #13, 17, and 19. Mostly because we’re odd, and prime. Remember: inhale, exhale, repeat as needed.

  13. Dave Ply says:

    As bad as writer’s block may seem, I doubt it’s as bad as certain other blockages. Perhaps a little surgery on a constipated idea, a nip here, a slice there, and before you know it it’s the end of IBS (irritable brain syndrome).

  14. For a good long time I didn’t cuss on my blog unless it was reported speech, but now I’ve come to a conclusion. It’s my blog, I’ll writer whatever I want, and if people don’t like it they can take a hike.
    As for the Five by Fives, since they’re often about people I personally have never heard of, I don’t respond.

    Adult films? Behind your own closed doors, I don’t really see much of a problem. In your line of work you probably see worse on a daily basis.
    IBS is notoriously tricky to a/ diagnose (it’s generally diagnosis by exclusion) and b/ treat. It’s always hit and miss.

    Good news about the polyp. That’s not a sentence I ever expected to type.

  15. Mark Myers says:

    Keep fighting the block. You’ll dump some words soon. I’m in my own blockage friend. Fight well.

  16. curvyroads says:

    Writer’s block does suck, but I am so happy to hear the good news about the missing polyp! 🙂

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