Why I’m Opting Out Of NaBloPoMo.

(Super exciting title, right?)

But let’s get down to brass tacks: NaBloPoMo stands for “National Blog Posting Month.” The goal of NaBloPoMo is for participants to write a post a day for an entire month. This, of course, mirrors NaNoWriMo, in which participants push themselves to the edge of sanity (with the help of wine, beer, smokes, chocolate and most likely plenty of sex breaks) by writing… get ready for it… a fifty-thousand word novel in a month.

To be clear, I salute anyone who can achieve either goal. If this applies to you, you’re a damn superhero. As for me, not only am I not a superhero, I can barely function as a  baseline human being these days.

And so writing a 50k novel or 30 consecutive blog posts in a month is so out of the question it’s not even funny. But I feel I owe you more of an explanation, so here are a few more reasons why I’m not throwing my hat in the November binge-writing ring.

 

ONE)  It took me two hours to come up with my first reason. And this is it. Do I really need to say more?

 

TWO)  I just escaped from Kevin Spacey’s basement and I’m knackered. What? Family Guy made this joke twelve years ago and no one complained. Give me a break, guys, I’m reaching here!

 

THREE)  The absurdity of this world constantly has my brain alternating between sanity and scrambled eggs. Case in point: the Canadian Prime Minister’s Halloween costume…

I honestly don’t know what to say about this…

 

FOUR)  I just got Netflix! Yes, I was that person you always heard of, the urban legend you assumed didn’t really exist. I was the last person on Earth who hadn’t signed up for the greatest TV service on the planet.

But now I have. So the world is literally at my fingertips.

 

FIVE)  There’s just so darn much to watch on the internet, who has time – or the wrist dexterity – to write?

 

Don’t judge me; I’m an adult and a (mostly) functioning member of society.

 

SIX)  The off-season is in full effect in Niagara Falls. Sure, the hookers, corporate d-bags, pimps, drunks, frat boys, sorority chicks, bachelorettes and the usual suspects are still around, but the odds are no longer in my favor in terms of interacting with them as often. So without new material I’m pretty much useless. There are however, exceptions. Take this example of gallows humor courtesy of a scary young man and make of it what you will:

TEN-YEAR-OLD TIMMY (YES, TIMMY):  (As I collect his family`s belongings from the room the morning of Nov. 1)  Did you see what happened in New York, Mr. Bellman? I bet that guy won’t get his deposit back on that truck from Home Depot! Hope he took out the insurance!

ME: Wow. That’s an… interesting… sense of humor you have there… sir.

TIMMY: My name’s Timmy!

ME:  Seriously?

MOM:  Who has time for originality anymore?

To be fair, she was most likely too busy smoking and doing drugs while pregnant to be original.

TIMMY:  My dad says I have a… what’s it called, Mom?

ME:  A small tumor in the base of your skull?

MOM:  (Getting annoyed with me but hanging in there.)  A gallows sense of humor.

Mom later informed that Timmy had suffered some sort of serious trauma early on and his sense of humor, though shocking and disturbing, helped him cope. Who am I to judge? Any serious comic (?) will tell you humor can, and should be, found in any situation.

ME:  (Deciding to salvage my tip by any means necessary.)  Oh! Well, in that case… do you know Home Depot’s motto, Timmy?

TIMMY:  Uh…

ME:  “You can do it… We can help!”

TIMMY:  Oh… my… God! I can’t help it.. I love it!

Tip salvaged – at the expense of my dignity and maybe some readers? Either way, please don’t judge me too harshly. But if you do, I understand. Truth be told, in that moment I didn’t like myself very much. But knowing myself as I do I can honestly say that I knew where I was coming from, so it”s all good.

 

SEVEN)  I’m more than a little distressed by the fact that every single male in Hollywood appears to be a sexual predator these days. Seriously, everyone from Brett Ratner to Jeremy Piven to Kevin Spacey is cursing Weinstein for finally being dragged into the light of day. Hollywood is a giant rock that Ashley Judd lifted and threw away, exposing a yet-to-be-determined number of bugs.

Trust me, ladies, there are decent men out there who, while they love sexual activity, are more than willing to wait for consent before indulging. But this culling was long overdue anyway, so while my heart goes out to the victims, I’m relieved to see the fire of change sweeping across Tinsel Town right now. Let’s hope something good and decent can be built once the ashes are swept away by the winds of change.

 

EIGHT)  I’m sick and tired of watching an endless number of writers/bloggers succeed where I’ve failed. I know I’m being a petty, jealous douche, but I’m willing to own it. So there.

The truth is, I feel like a failure as a writer and it sucks watching my dreams slip further and further away into nothingness.

 

NINE)  In spite of my best efforts, the aging process is taking it’s toll on my form. I’m just plain tired and achy so writing just doesn’t appeal to me right now.

 

TEN)  I miss my friend. His death and the circumstances that led to it have taken a greater toll on me than I ever could have imagined. And that’s all I have to say about that.

 

Every damn day, Rockin’. Every damn day…

See you in the lobby, kids… but not every day for a month.

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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31 Responses to Why I’m Opting Out Of NaBloPoMo.

  1. I can’t do it either. 😞 I posted every day when I first started but there is no way I can do that now. My priorities have changed and I just don’t have any damn time! ⏰ and sleep?😴 Ha! No clue what that is either…
    We all have a warped sense of humor. 😵 Otherwise how else would we survive?? 💘😙

  2. Yeah, I do it every day and you should hate me. The big question is why do you do it everyday John? Thanks for asking. I do it to keep making mistakes on my blog that don’t have to be repeated in my books. So in essence, I don’t look at the 30-day thing as a chore I look at it as a way to make a fool out of my self and only have to suffer the consequences for 24 little hours and not a lifetime in print. I also find if I don’t write every day I get really rusty. But that’s me. I would offer that if you took to your writing like it was just practice, you might like it better.

  3. C.E.Robinson says:

    No way am I posting everyday for a month, or writing 50,000 words in 30 days! I’m with you on that! Your post have me a laugh! All of it! No judgment! Humor saves in awkward situations! 🍂🍁Christine

  4. Dave Ply says:

    I went from once a week to once every two weeks, and even that’s in jeopardy. I can’t imagine posting every day. Maybe just a picture and a caption, but I guess the thought there is, you don’t put much into a post, you don’t get much back.

    Keep doing what yer doing.

  5. MindOverMeta says:

    This is my first year of doing NaBloPoMo and it might be my last. I’ll see. I’m up for the challenge but by the end I’m sure I’ll know whether or not I want to repeat the experience!

  6. nbratscott says:

    We’ll take whatever we can get from you…..oh, that sounds like we’re sucking the life out of you….you can keep a little….

  7. Never been able to do it either. Writing is more fun when you don’t have to.

  8. Allie P. says:

    It’s not for me either. Family time is way too important to me at this time of year. Besides, I am my worst task master as it is.

  9. dianaepona says:

    I once had a writing coach who (still laughing) wanted me to write 40,000 words a day. Well, take that times 30 days and you have more than reached the goal for the one “contest.” Good golly, Miss Molly. Who in the hell dreams these things up?

    What’s the end result? Another door stop that needs editing, rewriting, and shopping? And done, more than likely, in a half-hearted way to begin with. Yeah….no. I am a great fan of Dorothy Parker. As she said, ” If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of “The Elements of Style.” The first greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they’re happy.” Savvy?

    Write your grocery list, chuck your blue pencil, and take a break. We all owe it to ourselves.

  10. shimoniac says:

    I love reason number 6. That’s some awesome transgressive humour there, Hook. I’m taking that to work. In return, I’d like to share a joke my friend Shawn told me.

    So, Kevin Spacey’s hurrying down the highway, when a cop stops him. The cop asks, “Mr. Spacey do you know how fast you were going?:
    Spacey replies. “I’m gay!”

    If you don’t get it right away, don’t worry. It took me a moment. 😀

  11. Doug in Oakland says:

    Fifty thousand words? Thirty days? Do commas count? What about comas, the onset of which would be somewhere after the fourteenth day…

  12. adamjasonp says:

    It seems I could’ve done 30 days straight with my power outage situation (which only lasted two days)… couldn’t really afford to procrastinate. But the theme would’ve gotten old. And I totally forgot about NaNoProblamo. Er, NaBloPoMo.

  13. I am now the sole person on the planet who doesn’t have Netflix.
    As for Nablopomo? No point in trying to force it. I blog daily as a way of life. I do it partly because I know my audience expects it, but also because it amuses me, diverts me.
    When it stops being fun, I’ll stop.

  14. Tara says:

    Responding, by the numbers:

    1) You aren’t alone there, my friend. Who in hell with a real job and family has that much time on their hands?

    2) Would it be wrong to admit I wouldn’t mind seeing Kevin’s basement?

    3) Not being Canadian, I missed this. But, I understand the initial statement about the world’s absurdity and its effects on the mind.

    4) Congratulations! You will lose many hours in mindless screentime that will excuse you from having to participate in NaNoWriMo. I have some recommendations….

    5) See above.

    6) Timmy is a comic genius. I have an odd sense of humor. I also think too many people take butt-hurt to new levels (excluding the ladies in #5).

    7) It is shocking, and reinforces my younger self’s decision to never pursue acting. I would’ve fallen to every vice imaginable and been another hot mess, just more public.

    8) I know it may be just words (no pun intended) but you much appreciated for your writing prowess. Don’t give up. Please.

    9) Middle age sucks. I’m sorry you have to learn this now. I’m currently pissed off that I can’t see shit without my glasses anymore, and I’m forever misplacing them.

    10) Ok, on a serious note. I’m so very very sorry about your friend. I wish there were words that would offer comfort, but I know there aren’t. My stepbrother’s longtime girlfriend shot herself last week and it’s been horrific for the family and the many people she touched in her 35 years. It’s crushing and I just can’t wrap my own brain around it right now.

    Nevertheless, best advice: don’t write, just Netflix and chill with the wife. Romantic evenings are very restorative, I hear. 😉

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