It’s how you say it.
Delivery truly is everything, kids. Still skeptical? Continue scrolling down.
So on a typical-but-far-from-ordinary day I arrived at a room on the 49th floor at about three in the afternoon; it was a cloudy, rainy day in Niagara but the mood in the room was downright frosty. I was greeted at the door – which flung open quickly enough to create a backdraft – by a more-than-slightly-perturbed, incredibly-hulking gentleman named Harold (How do I know that’s his name? Read on.) and his ever-so-petite wife.
She looked like a Marjorie.
ANGRY HAROLD: Hey, bellguy! Some bastard left food in the mini-fridge?
ME: And I can only assume none of it appeals to you, sir?
AH: Hell no! It’s three trays of old, rotting pasta!
Steam was literally emanating from Harold’s flaring nostrils as I ever-so-slowly make my way past him to examine the cooling device in question. Sure enough, there were three plastic containers of spaghetti sitting there, through they were perfectly preserved. But I wasn’t arguing with Harold.
No, I’m not the Black Widow in this scenario – tho I do look very fetching in black leather…
Don’t get me wrong, my uncharacteristic willingness to refrain from a confrontation didn’t mean I wasn’t going to still be myself.
ME: You know, sir, this could’ve been worse… you could be staying in Vegas where you’d most likely find a dead hooker in the room rather than some food the previous guest left behind…
I delivered my smartass retort in a calm, pleasant, non-confrontational manner. However, needless to say, Harold was still fit to be tied – but Marjorie stepped right in to unknowingly save my Canadian bacon.
MARJORIE: You know, he’s right, Harold, you do often hear about dead prostitutes being found in Las Vegas hotel rooms…
Harold was still fit to be tied but he surrendered and remained silent as I removed the food, delivered his luggage, happily took my gratuity, and headed back to my desk after having survived to smartass again.
And that was a mere five minutes out of my eleven hour day.
See you in the lobby, friends…