I’m Still Down… But I’m Not Out.

The following moment of levity (my type of levity, at least) comes to you courtesy of New York, New York’s Jewish community (I love these guys for reasons that will soon be made clear) who have descended in record numbers to Niagara Falls this season.

One gentleman in particular has stood out.

For all the wrong reasons.

He made me wait ten minutes while he loaded the cart with every item he owns. (Seriously.) Then he made me stand on the Valet Deck like a slack-jawed yokel as he loaded his far-too-small vehicle with said items. This took a full twenty minutes. (Which is a lifetime in a business where time truly is money.) And all this happened at the peak of check-out time.

Then he proceeded to stiff me.

But only after asking me one of the most inane queries that has ever been posed to me. A question that I’m certain he had pondered for some time.

ORTHODOX JEW:  I have a question. Isn’t a genuine “Thank you” just like a regular cash gratuity?

ME:  Only in the sense that laughter is actually the best medicine.

OJ:  But that’s what everyone says!

ME:  Let me put it another way, sir. If, for example, someone was to savagely beat you with an inch of your existence, who would you want dispatched to your aid, an actual licensed medical practitioner… or Howie Mandel?

The Summer of 2017 may not have been my most profitable (to say the least) but it’s been damn entertaining at times.

See you in the lobby, kids…



“You do realize I don’t do this shit anymore, right, Hook?  And I was never a real doctor anyway?”

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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34 Responses to I’m Still Down… But I’m Not Out.

  1. shimoniac says:

    My grandfather, Dad’s dad, used to have a humourous, or snide, comment about or for almost anything. In this case, he would’ve said that the gentleman in question, as opposed to Gentile man, was so tight that he squeaked. The comment was originally about Scottish people and their legendary thriftiness.

  2. Isn’t it wonderful to get by on life as a ray of sunshine spouting platitudes about a genuine thank you being worth more than money. Yeah, until the sun stops shining and you have to pay the hydro bill. As you said (in so many words) it’s been raining all summer! Ante up!

  3. How would he expect you to feed your family with genuine thank you’s? Do they come with steak and fries?

  4. Mark Myers says:

    Silly, sad stuff. Or stiff.

  5. umashankar says:

    At least you are back to the business of hooking your readers, or is it that it is back to the square one?

  6. Was that taxi wit or did you actually say that to him?

  7. What a rich life you do lead. My blog tomorrow is entitled ‘How to be an arse.’ I’m a rank outsider.

  8. Theresa says:

    Wow! What a total jackass, just the the guy in Washington.

  9. 20 minutes? That’s a long time out of anyone’s life – the guy needs to seriously lighten his load and get rid of excess baggage…or pay rental on the cart
    Always laughter rolling through here.

  10. Profit and humour doesn’t seem to go well together, does it. I can’t believe this guy got away with stiffing you and even having the nerve to ask you if it was alright. Shame on him!

  11. I had to laugh out loud at your reply. Another response could have been, “Do you have time to come home with me at dinner time and express that sincere thank you. I’m sure my family will just eat it up.”

  12. Ankur Mithal says:

    Persuasive argument 🙂

  13. curvyroads says:

    Robert, you made me laugh out loud. I thank you!

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