The following moment of levity (my type of levity, at least) comes to you courtesy of New York, New York’s Jewish community (I love these guys for reasons that will soon be made clear) who have descended in record numbers to Niagara Falls this season.
One gentleman in particular has stood out.
For all the wrong reasons.
He made me wait ten minutes while he loaded the cart with every item he owns. (Seriously.) Then he made me stand on the Valet Deck like a slack-jawed yokel as he loaded his far-too-small vehicle with said items. This took a full twenty minutes. (Which is a lifetime in a business where time truly is money.) And all this happened at the peak of check-out time.
Then he proceeded to stiff me.
But only after asking me one of the most inane queries that has ever been posed to me. A question that I’m certain he had pondered for some time.
ORTHODOX JEW: I have a question. Isn’t a genuine “Thank you” just like a regular cash gratuity?
ME: Only in the sense that laughter is actually the best medicine.
OJ: But that’s what everyone says!
ME: Let me put it another way, sir. If, for example, someone was to savagely beat you with an inch of your existence, who would you want dispatched to your aid, an actual licensed medical practitioner… or Howie Mandel?
The Summer of 2017 may not have been my most profitable (to say the least) but it’s been damn entertaining at times.
See you in the lobby, kids…
“You do realize I don’t do this shit anymore, right, Hook? And I was never a real doctor anyway?”
You've Been Hooked! 
My grandfather, Dad’s dad, used to have a humourous, or snide, comment about or for almost anything. In this case, he would’ve said that the gentleman in question, as opposed to Gentile man, was so tight that he squeaked. The comment was originally about Scottish people and their legendary thriftiness.
Being thrifty is universal failing, to say the least.
Copper wire was invented by two Scotsmen (or Jews) fighting over a penny. 🙄
Isn’t it wonderful to get by on life as a ray of sunshine spouting platitudes about a genuine thank you being worth more than money. Yeah, until the sun stops shining and you have to pay the hydro bill. As you said (in so many words) it’s been raining all summer! Ante up!
Indeed, Michelle!
How would he expect you to feed your family with genuine thank you’s? Do they come with steak and fries?
I wish!
Silly, sad stuff. Or stiff.
Both, really.
At least you are back to the business of hooking your readers, or is it that it is back to the square one?
Both, I’m afraid.
And by “afraid” I mean I’m just realizing the pressure’s back on to be brilliant.
As they say, it gets lonely and bitter at the top.
Was that taxi wit or did you actually say that to him?
What do you think, Brenda?
I’m going with taxi wit. 🙂
What a rich life you do lead. My blog tomorrow is entitled ‘How to be an arse.’ I’m a rank outsider.
But you’re also my friend, and that’s worth something, right?
Yup.
Wow! What a total jackass, just the the guy in Washington.
Sadly most governments are full of jackasses…
I thought you said “Harvey Mandel” …https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WZ1XQVj6fHQ
Simple mistake to make, Monkey…
20 minutes? That’s a long time out of anyone’s life – the guy needs to seriously lighten his load and get rid of excess baggage…or pay rental on the cart
Always laughter rolling through here.
I do what I can to return the favor for all the insight you’ve provided me with over the years.
Profit and humour doesn’t seem to go well together, does it. I can’t believe this guy got away with stiffing you and even having the nerve to ask you if it was alright. Shame on him!
Indeed!
Thanks for dropping by, Otto.
I had to laugh out loud at your reply. Another response could have been, “Do you have time to come home with me at dinner time and express that sincere thank you. I’m sure my family will just eat it up.”
You’d make a helluva bellman, John.
I worked in food service one year and did room service for a Stouffer’s hotel in Ft. Lauderdale. There were a number of stories there let me tell you. Breakfast and half clothed matrons were the biggest challenge.
I hear you, buddy.
Thanks for dropping by.
🙂
Persuasive argument 🙂
I try, Ankur, I try.
Robert, you made me laugh out loud. I thank you!