What’s On The Hook’s Mind Now?


How’s that hangover treating you, friends?

My apologies for the overbearing cyber-stimulation.  I simply felt the need to be a dick. To be fair, it’s in my DNA, so…

#BoycottSearsCanada… Do it now!  Where’s a pack of angry villagers with pitchforks and torches when you really need ’em?  Levity aside, the Canadian version of Sears is facing a social media riot campaign calling for a massacre boycott after the company said it planned on paying $9.2 million in retention bonuses to key staff during restructuring, despite not offering severance to laid-off workers.  Can you imagine working for a company for forty years only to be bent over and drilled in the backside?  With a two-by-four?

So much for the softer side of Sears, right?

More Amazonian goodness please!  San Diego Comic Con 2017 has produced enough buzz to take down King King, but the news that a Wonder Woman sequel is coming has both fan-girls and boys losing their sheep.

Yes, I typed “sheep”; my daughter wants me to make more of an effort to stop cursing so much. I’m doing my best but it’s a ducking drag.  And yes, I also used “Wonder Woman” and “coming” in the same sentence.  Grow up.

Gal Gadot's Wonder Woman first made an appearance in the 2016 film "Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice." Her 2017 solo movie broke a box office record for most money made by woman director on its opening weekend.

“Tread carefully, Hook… I’ll gut you like a pasty white fish.”

Say whaaat, Will?  Actor and raiser of truly bizarre progeny, Will Smith, told fans at Comic Con that seeing Star Wars at age ten for the first time was “better than sex.”

Will Smith speaks onstage at Netflix Films: "Bright" and "Death Note" panel during Comic-Con International 2017 at San Diego Convention Center on July 20, 2017 in San Diego, California.

“For my entire life I’ve been chasing, trying to give that feeling to fans. There was nothing that I had experienced in my life that matched that point of ecstasy.  I had sex a few years later.  It was close, but no Star Wars.”

I’m sure Will’s first cousin was very disappointed to hear that…

What?  I already told you I was a dick.



Some things never change… Ever.  Case in point:

BOSTONIAN GUEST:  (As I’m unloading his luggage at the door.)  How do you do this job, buddy?  Doesn’t the repetition drive you insane?

CANADIAN ME:  Well, that depends on you, doesn’t it, sir?  Walking out the door at the end of a shift with a pocket full of cash makes any job easier to bear.

BG:  (Yelling to the back of the room.)  Hey, Marge!  This bell guy’s fuckin’ hilarious!  Here’s a tip, buddy… you earned it!

Hey, I said I was going to try to stop cursing…

SERIOUSLY???  Senior counselor (and resident whackjob) to President Trump, Kellyanne Conway, told CNN’s Brian Stelter yesterday that “Russia is not a big story”.

That White House Kool-Aid must be ambrosia… because Kellyanne is bathing in the sheep.

I think that’s enough for now, don’t you?  I don’t want to make you spit out any more of that delicious, sweet sippin’ coffee.

See you in the lobby, kids…

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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33 Responses to What’s On The Hook’s Mind Now?

  1. Lisa Orchard says:

    Too funny! Thanks for the chuckle! 🙂

  2. Looks like you love Mondays. 😉

  3. I’m so excited for the next Wonder Woman installment. I saw the first one and I LOVED it! I knew I would when I saw the trailer back in the fall. I couldn’t wait for it to come out and I wasn’t disappointed.

    It is the first of the DC so far. I always loved Batman until the franchise came up with George Clooney. I like Clooney ok but come on? Batman???? He almost single handedly took down the whole thing. Val Kilmer wasn’t bad, but my favorite Batman is and always will be Michael Keaton. He was awesome! I loved Christopher Reeves but Henry Cavill does a decent job. I just don’t care for the movies.

    I think I have a little bit of a girl crush on Gal Gadot. She is gorgeous and wonderful (ah ah)! 😉

    • The Hook says:

      Who doesn’t have a crush on Gadot? And by the way, girl crushes are hot!

      We’ll have to see how long Batfleck lasts in the cowl..

  4. oceanswater says:

    You had me mesmerized until you wrote about KC… Now I need to go Vomit before it goes down my throat…

    Have a wonderful Monday dear Hook!

  5. Tara says:

    Do you know that I can’t even LOOK at any of those people? I mean, I kid you not – I will turn off the TV/radio/whatever so I don’t have to see their faces, or hear their voices.

    It’s going to be a long three-and-a-half years. IF he makes it that long.

  6. Allie P. says:

    There is so much coming out of Comic Con it is hard to keep up. It turned out all I needed was the new Thor trailer. Ready Player One and the new Justice League trailers were icing on the cake. One of these days I AM going to figure out how to attend the conference in the flesh and get the inside scoop myself, but until then I am absolutely geeking out over what they are releasing to the public.

  7. Doug in Oakland says:

    That guy who runs Sears is a real piece of work. He’s an Ayn Rand fanboy and he structured the management of the corporation accordingly. Read that he had each division compete with the other divisions for resources like advertising, instead of having them work together to benefit the whole business. A cut-throat corporate culture followed and Sears is on its way down the tubes.

  8. BOOM! on a roll. Loved the swearing bit.

  9. 1jaded1 says:

    You are not a dick. So there.

  10. I HAVE GOT to quit reading your blog first thing in the morning. Coffee and spit don’t really clean the computer monitor, and it’s a waste of caffeine. 😉 That aside, Conway bathes in sheep dip. Much more potent than sheep. It’s disgusting. Kind of like her face, ya know? Ah, hell. It’s Tuesday. Back to work for me. Great piece! Carry on, friend!

  11. StillWaters says:

    Monday rants are the best, eh? Pith on Searth.

  12. susielindau says:

    I got that same buzz from Star Wars, The Last Jedi!

  13. jlheuer says:

    My hairdresser told me the other day that she has NEVER seen a Star Wars movie, a Star Trek movie, Star Trek TV, or any SF or fantasy movies whatsoever. I am thinking of finding a new person to cut my hair. PS: She voted for Trump. I guess that explains everything.

  14. curvyroads says:

    Thanks for the laugh, old friend! Sorry for the Sears folks, though…bad juju there!

  15. Lol!funny.
    Please do checkout my blog.
    Feel free to like,comment and follow.

  16. For obvious reasons …yes. Well done .

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