It’s Monday; What’s On The Hook’s Mind?

Filling this space with something, pretty much anything, obviously.

So let’s get started, shall we?

ONE)  Seriously?  It’s World Emoji Day. If you were unaware of this real-world celebration of the virtual world, congratulations; it may not be much but you officially have something resembling a life.

 

https://downloademoji.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/superhero-emoji-keyboard-spiderman.jpg

TWO)  WTF!  Delta Air Lines has retaliated after what it refers to as a “public attack” on its wage slaves employees and victims of corporate greed customers by Ann Coulter, after the succubus conservative pundit posted a series of angry tweets over an inflight seat mix-up she experienced over the weekend. Personally, I think Coulter should be thankful Delta decided against whipping her bony ass out of the plane once it hit cruising level…

 

THREE)  Cold hard facts.  People are still choosing to end their lives by hurling themselves into the Niagara River via the Falls themselves. One of my best friends was among them. I couldn’t save him. I can’t save them. The wheel goes round and round and as much as I want to get off, I can’t.

Uplifting stuff, right?

 

 

FOUR)  Donny Boy’s at it again!  What’s Trump done now? Who cares! As much as my family loves watching Spicer’s escapades in the bushes, the podium, etc., it’s all too much for my fragile psyche. This circus just gets bigger and wilder. Every. Single. Day.

Enough already! This presidency feels like the worst acid trip of all time.

I suspect CNN and Anderson Cooper screwed with the election results and deliberately Trump in power solely for the humongous ratings surge that has shocked even them.

 

 

FIVE)  The Yankees are screwed.  In the US, this was supposed to be a all-or-nothing week for the GOP Senate’s health care bill, but instead, it’s officially in limbo land. Why? 

Because Trump has decided to transform Americans into vampires – or give them robot bodies – thus eliminating the need for health care all-together.

 

SIX)  Finally!  For the first time a woman, Brit actress Jodie Whittaker, will take over the iconic role of Time Lord adventurer Doctor Who. At least this Doctor will stop and ask for directions when the TARDIS gets lost…

My daughter, the ultimate feminist, did an actual back flip when my wife informed her of this milestone.

She broke two lamps and nearly squashed the dog, but it was a great moment in her eighteen-year-old history.

 

 Jodie WhittakerYou’ve come a long way in the timestream, baby…

 

SEVEN)  The Rebel Hook.  I was officially the sole human not watching the Game of Thrones premiere last night. It actually felt good, like I was a anarchist, bucking the rules for once in my life. I asked the wife if she wanted to sleep with a bad boy and she said, “Sure! Do I have time to do my hair before he gets here?”

 

EIGHT)  Leave my heroes alone, Death!  We lost George Romero and Martin Landau over the weekend. Why can’t the Grim Reaper take people who truly deserve it? Say, for example…

https://i1.wp.com/media.salon.com/2013/10/ann_coulter2.jpgYou’re looking in the wrong direction, Ann.  Your lord and benefactor, Satan, is down below.

 

NINE)  Middle-age sucks.  My IBS – or whatever the hell it is – is still keeping me up at night. Last evening my bowels sounded like an Alien queen caught in a tsunami after I took one of my little white pills. As you can imagine, it’s quite the turn-on for the wife, especially when I have to leap  out of bed and run downstairs to the secluded bathroom – in between bouts waves of agony, that is.

Where are those Kryptonian powers I ask for every year on my birthday?

 

TEN)  Believe it or not, he was one of the kindest, most generous guests I’ve ever served.  O.J. Simpson will go before a parole board to decide whether he can be released from prison. Personally, I hope he gets out.

Before you judge me too harshly, understand this: so far this summer has been filled with more cheap, rude travelers than I’ve dealt with in some time. Dealing with The Juice would be a welcome change from the nutty norm.

 

See you in the lobby, kids…

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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24 Responses to It’s Monday; What’s On The Hook’s Mind?

  1. shimoniac says:

    It’s hard to “like” a post when it has angsty bits in it that I would like to sympathize with you over, but that’s the only option WordPress gives. In other news, I have never watched a single episode of GoT. If you happen to find me doing so, please call 911, I’m being held at gunpoint.

    As for a female Doctor, meh. I’m afraid that Doctor Who is going to lose more fans than they gain, and for what I view as pandering. As for Donny Boy, and Ann Coulter, and etc., I have tuned them out completely. I find that my will to live hasn’t dropped quite as fast since I did. 😛

  2. susielindau says:

    I wondered how you felt about Dr. Who! Now if the next 007 would be a woman, I’d do a back flip.

  3. Ah, Hook. You did fill the space and made me laugh in spots (seriously frown in others). I have to agree on the Trump and Coulter news. Who cares? You are going to make it.

  4. davidprosser says:

    OK I had to look up Ann Coulter to see of I agreed with you. Believe me, there’s a hot seat reserved for her. So sorry about the IBS.
    Hugs

  5. Josh Wrenn says:

    Sorry for your loss.

    Very spot-on about Ann Coulter.

  6. Doug in Oakland says:

    And the Delta story missed the actual victim entirely: The poor schmuck who had to sit that much closer to that gorgon when she lost her “extra room” seat. I hope they were compensated for the traumatic experience.

  7. And you reveal even more reasons to ignore the media and media-celebrities (You may actually be onto something about who fiddled with the election results…they also needed a focus for SNL and now they have it and ratings again, right? Who knows who is pulling all the stings…wait – get the one away from my throat….)

    Not a Coulter follower, but I am fed up with big companies. They sold a product then decided to take it back. Breach of contract if you were a little ordinary business…but the airlines? I would have been furious, too.
    You know the recent Australian research/study about overloaded/depleted immune system and IBS. Stress will eat you alive – and Lordy-lordy, child (as ancient relatives used to say) you done got a mess of that.
    All that rushing water and weirdness can be deafening against real life. Don’t forget the life jacket…like dogs, the no-longer-small children and humor (you’re got that)

    I’d add a smilie face, but digital is so not real. (Beaming you an authentic one that way…maybe a rainbow and unicorn, too…too much?…well, worth try)

  8. You were actually one of two humans in the world not watching GoT. Is this a good time to say I have never seen it?

    I’m with you on Martin Landau. One of those instantly recognizable faces, yet never an A-lister despite the Oscar for Ed Wood.

    Yes, middle age sucks, but on balance it’s better than the alternative.
    As for Ann Coulter, who hasn’t been jerked around by an airline? Further proof, were it needed, that she’s a grade A pain in the arse.

  9. Coulter on a jet? I thought she used a broom.

  10. StillWaters says:

    Game of Thrones? Whazzat??? Ann Coulter and The DTs: Two pains in the arse.

    KBO, Mr. Hook.

  11. Tara says:

    I like your reference to the bad acid trip,a metaphor I wish I’d thought of. I recently posted IRL asking if anyone else felt like they were in the middle of a bad dream from which they cannot wake. Surprisingly, none of my Republican friends raised their hand. I’m seriously thinking this idiot is what is causing a subtle and unfamiliar depression, and my writer’s block.

  12. Jodie Whittaker is an excellent actress (check out her performance in Broadchurch) but certain sections of Brit society are not so enlightened. As soon as the news was announced, cue topless pictures in two daily news rags. Shites !

  13. Fun/sad/frustrating/witty post – which means it was well-done! Sad sad sad over the suicides (and sad sorry about your friend). Coulter/Trump/Devil – is that all one word? I really like your 18-year-old daughter. She’s a sweetie. And heal with the IBS. Have you tried meditating? Not watching GoT is a great healing thing too. xo

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