Why I Love Being Canadian.

There are many things one can choose to be in this life but you can’t pick your parents or where you’re going to escape from the womb.

That said, I’m damn glad my origin story began North of the border. Here’s why.

ONE)  Our leader, while obsessed with selfies and his own smile… isn’t Donald Trump.

 

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TWO)  We’re known the world over for our cuisine (though poutine isn’t exactly a shining example of what we’re capable of in the kitchen) and our role as peace keepers.

Though my wife will kick your ass nine ways to Sunday if you cross her.

 

THREE)  Canada is home to some of the sexiest creatures on the planet. And I’m not just talking about me…

 

Yes, you can come in, Elisha Cuthbert….

 

By the way, Miss Cuthbert married a hockey player. it doesn’t get any more Canadian than that.

 

FOUR)  WE CREATED SUPERMAN!  It’s a fact. Get over it, America.

 

 

FIVE)  Our money pisses Americans off. So I have to admit, that makes me quite happy.

“It’s so many different colors!  And you’ve got one dollar and two dollar coins with weird-ass names like ‘the loonie’!  What the hell’s going on in this country?” – Actual quote from an American guest. Man, that eleven-year-old girl was surly.

SIX)  William Shatner is one of ours.  Yes, that fact is a double-edged sword, I know.  But in the end, he gave the world Captain Kirk, Denny Crane and more hammy performances wrapped up into a career spanning decades than any actor will ever be able to lay claim to. So that’s nice, right?

 

SEVEN)  Residents of Churchill, Manitoba, Canada, leave their cars unlocked to offer an escape for pedestrians who might encounter Polar Bears.

Life in this country is not only hard at times, it’s wacky as fuck. I love that about my home and native land.

 

EIGHT)  Our version of Niagara Falls is green, lean and filled with some of the coolest souls in the Multiverse. And I’m not just talking about me…

 

Okay, so this pic isn’t exactly “green”.  Shut up.

 

NINE)  Prostitution is legal in Canada. Buying the services of a prostitute is not.

Okay, so we’re also complicated as fuck.  I also love that about us.

Yes, this pic is wrong, hypnotic… and awesome.

 

TEN)  Canada has no weapons of mass destruction since 1984 and has signed treaties repudiating their possession.

We’re defend our land with our lives, but at our core, we’re lovers, not fighters.

 

ELEVEN)  Dildo is a town on the island of Newfoundland, Canada.

Need I say more?

 

Happy 150th, Canada. I love this country and all it stands for. Like towns named after sex toys, a national animal that makes people giggle and think of a female sex organ and our reputation as a nation of decent, harmless folks.

Who will fuck your shit up if you go too far in mocking us.

See you in the northern, non-frozen lobby, kids…

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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39 Responses to Why I Love Being Canadian.

  1. Happy Canada Day Robert. I hope you enjoy all its rewards! 😙

  2. umashankar says:

    I see your nation day coincides with my organization day. I can merrily swap my position with you and live happily with Elisha Cuthbert ever after!

  3. oceanswater says:

    Happy Canadian birthday! Believe me, many of us in the US would love to say we are not from here. Daily…

  4. Must be my lucky day! I get waylayed by life for a while, to pop in for a visit and find you’re posting about love. (Stuff’s been overwhelming lately). And not only that, you’ve got me laughing so loud I almost woke the family. Thanks for the lift! Makes me want to be Canadian too.

  5. Marion Hardy says:

    Yep we’re a crazy bunch. Would never live anywhere else!!! Happy Canada Day Robert to you and your lovely family!!!

  6. Great post Hook. You did your country proud. You forgot to mention #12. The home of The Terrible Hook

  7. The Guat says:

    Your leader does rock. Plus it’s the homeland of The Hook. Hope you have a good one.

  8. StillWaters says:

    Beauty post, Mr. Hook. When the Newfoundland government was “cleaning up” some of the place names back whenever (ex. Open Hole in Bonavista Bay became Open Hall), the people would not hear of Dildo being f**ked with.
    Happy Canada Day, eh! Give ‘er, b’y!

  9. Allie P. says:

    Happy Canada Day! You don’t look a day over 100.

  10. Doug in Oakland says:

    And don’t forget the moose. The best steak I have ever eaten was a moose steak that my dad’s hunting buddy brought back from a hunting trip to Canada, and that’s saying something, because we raised our own cattle when I was a kid, so I know a good steak when I taste one.

  11. Austin says:

    Happy Canada Day!

  12. Theresa says:

    Hey Hook! Happy 150th Birthday to your awesome country I wish I was a inhabitant of! You should be so proud of the way you include all races, all cultures, all……everything!!

    I wish I was immersed in the celebration with you all! But unfortunately, my grandparents chose to stop here, and didn’t go any further north. Now, we are constantly disgraced by this “ass pimple” (so put by Shantelle Bisson), who I just call, “JACKASS”. Dear Lord I wish I was 20 years younger; I’d be there (sorry Grandpa).

    Hook, I hope you had a great Canada Day, and are continuing your celebration throughout the weekend! You’re a country to be proud of and should celebrate it with reckless abandon!!! LOL!

    BTW, I have faith that one of these days, when you least expect it, you will find acknowledgement of your talents.

    Have Faith Hook! I love your blog! I look forward to it! Keep it going!

  13. You are also responsible for my guiltiest of guilty TV pleasures, ‘Highway Thru Hell‘, which, as a 32 year old woman living in suburban London, you wouldn’t think would appeal to me, but let me tell you – it’s made me realize that in another life, I want to be in heavy vehicle rescue up a snowy mountain. I don’t know why.

    So, thank you Canada. 🙂

  14. Tara says:

    Especially the Murdoch Mysteries. Still enmeshed in binge-watching, and it never disappoints.

  15. adamjasonp says:

    Thanks for the giggles, Hook. The Wikipedia pages for Dildo, lol. … Anyway.

    Happy 150th. 🙂

  16. curvyroads says:

    You had me at #1. 😉 Happy 150th to the nicest country I’ve visited!

  17. HA! Actually cat sitting for a friend who is traveling Canada…and sending pics – gorgeous landscape/sea pixs. To which I say to her “And so what’s holding you here rather than there? Your great grandparents would be pleased if you returned ‘home’ ”
    I’m waiting word to ship the cat…or I could just personally deliver…
    Love the laughs, Hook

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