Before we begin: I’m going to need you to do a few things in order to maximize your viewing experience.
STEP ONE: Click on this link to familiarize yourself with this year’s Niagara Falls Comic Con line-up.
STEP TWO: Keep an open mind; cons aren’t for everyone – but my blog certainly is.
1) “THIS IS THE GREATEST DAY OF MY LIFE!!!”
2) “What’s that? Flash Gordon Sam Jones and Lou Ferrigno are going at it again?”
3) “How much for Uncanny X-Men #181? I hope my mom will extend my allowance again! I’ll have to go out to the car and ask her.”
4) “Kate Mulgrew’s still here? She must have been hiding in the basement since last year!”
5) “You prefer Kirk to Picard? I don’t even know you anymore, Madelyne!”
6) “The Falls are actually real? I thought it was all CGI!”
7) “Who’s Marky Ramone? I’ll have to Google him.” (You just know that kid’s going to get thrashed.)
8) “You actually came as Aquaman, Craig? He breathes in fish pee!” (It’s actually true. Think about it.)
9) “What do you mean Kevin Smith is only here for one day? And only for photo ops?”
10) “Your mom can’t pick us up? I don’t even have bus fare left after I bought that Hello Kitty vs. Sailor Moon box set!”
11) “Victor Newman’s making out with my grandmother!”
12) “Is that a lightsaber in your pocket or are you just really excited to be here at Niagara Falls Comic Con?”
13) “Of course Jason Mewes kicked you in the nuts, man… you told him you were surprised he was still alive.”
14) “J. Peterman just recommended I purchase the Urban Superhero Sombrero, ‘for the active member of the fandom community who is ready to throw caution to the wind and live a life on the edge… of a ledge.'”
15) “What do you mean you’re really not a girl under all that Wonder Woman padding? We’ve already had sex three times!”
16) “Hey, everybody! We’re all gonna get laid!” (To be clear, you hear this at least once every year… but it never happens.)
17) “A fight just broke out between the Dr. Who Society of Canada and the Ontario Ghostbusters!” (But since it won’t exactly be ‘Clash of the Titans’, no one will care.)
18) “Are you high?” (This will be in response to some inane query posed to a celebrity that hasn’t thought of the role that made them famous for over twenty years.)
19) “Uh, geez, I didn’t mean to make you cry, little boy…” (This is, of course, uttered by a celebrity after inadvertently offending a fan – who is actually a forty-year-old man, not a boy.)
20) “You, sir, are an idiot.” (This, of course, will be uttered by yours truly, while dealing with some mouth-breathing moron. I will, of course, be imitating the immortal Bruce Campbell.)
21) “Canadians are so nice, it’s weird as fuck!” (Some American tourist says this to me every year, without fail.)
22) “I bet the Wonder Woman movie’s going to suck!” (Cue the verbal brawl/slapfest.)
23) “I’m out of cash! I wonder how much I can get for a kidney?”
24) “The ATM is out of cash? Where’s that guy dressed as Firebug? Let’s burn this joint to the ground!”
25) “I wonder if Mark Bagley (a Marvel Comics Spider-Man artist) will sign my Batman: Rebirth #1? It’d make a great collectable!”
26) “Hey, Mark Bagley just told me to shove my utility belt where the Bat signal won’t shine.”
“I wonder how long it’ll take to wash the smell of geek off me tonight?”
27) “Somebody just stole the hubcaps off The General Lee. John Schneider’s pissed.”
28) “I wonder if the Eight Doctor Who is going to be late for his panel? That’d be pretty amazing if he was!” (Because he has a time machine, you muggles.)
29) “Wonder if Tara Reid will show me her boobs if I offer her twenty bucks? She needs the money!” – One of my bellman colleagues who will be accompanying me this year… and who will no doubt be in need of bail money later on in the day.
30) “Holy exhaustion, Batman, I’m knackered! How long until Niagara Falls Comic Con 2018?”
See you in the lobby and on the con floor, True Believers…
A con is like no other experience on earth, Granny.
I feel I’m really missing some great fun not knowing who most of these people are and never having heard of their programmes. It’s OK though, I know of the Ramones, Doctor Who (you can keep that one) and I’ve heard of Nightmare on Elm Street too.
Ah the joys of age.
Yes, the aging process is wonderful isn’t it, David?
After you, Hook my man. Have a blast.
I always do, John.
Wait, Jason Mewes is still alive?
Barely… but yes.
Shop smart! Shop S-Mart! “What do you mean you will never wash your hand again?! The hell you won’t! He sneezed on it and your pen when you got his autograph!” Me to my youthful daughter at a Star Trek convention. Jonathan de Lancie was there, and was ripe with a horrible cold. He sneezed all over everything when she stepped up to get her book signed. She was also down with a cold by the end of the week. Gotta love these cons. Not enough antibiotics to save a person from all the geeky germs floating around. 😉
Love number 6!! Geeks are wonderful, aren’t they? I have to admit I go into geek mode at times. I figure it’s a good antidote to all the b.s. that is going on in the world these days. Not hiding from it but giving it the middle finger.