I’m No Expert…

I’m no expert, but I would think shaking one’s fist at the hated plow driver after he blocks you in as you shovel (again) while cursing his mother under your breath accomplishes nothing.

Personally, I think the following plan is, while slightly more evolved, far preferable and effective.

STEP ONE:  Have your vehicle gassed up and ready to go at a moment’s notice.

STEP TWO:  Hop in, gun it, plow through your blocked-in driveway.

STEP THREE:  Follow that rat bastard driver until he gets back to the lot. (Be certain to get alongside him at some point so you can identify him.)

STEP FOUR: Wait at the lot until you see your driver leave for the day.

STEP FIVE:  Follow him home – but take no direct action against him.  (I cannot stress this enough.)


Not sure who I hate more: weathermen or plow drivers…


STEP SIX:  Locate some local punks.  (There are always some around.)

STEP SEVEN:  Pay said punks a hefty sum to return to your driver’s home in the middle of the night and egg/snowball the shit out of it.

STEP EIGHT:  Sleep the blissful sleep of the avenged.

I know what you’re thinking, but yes, this can actually work. (Trust me.) Of course, there are a million ways the plan can go sideways, but try not to think about that.

It should be noted that I am not advocating violence against plow drivers who are just doing their job – unless you want to experience bliss beyond your wildest imaginings.

See you in the lobby, kids…

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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13 Responses to I’m No Expert…

  1. I remember the plows. Always a treat to dig out twince. Nice job, Hook

  2. Doug in Oakland says:

    I remember bribing the plow driver who plowed the county road to plow our (several blocks long) driveway so we could get out one time. The operation involved waiting at the driveway with cookies when we knew he was coming by… Ah, the charms of life in the sticks.

  3. That happens a lot up here…..the plow part, not the revenge part. But I do like how you think! 🙂

  4. List of X says:

    I think it would be cheaper to pay the local punks to shovel your driveway.

    • The Hook says:

      True.. but it’s not nearly as much fun.
      Plus, the punks always take the money and run.
      They got me twenty times – then I got smart…

  5. Hang on. Without the ploughs there’d be nowhere to go when you gun out of your drive.

    On a related topic, how do the plough driver get to work?

  6. There’s that 4 letter word again… S N O W! ugh.. I am so glad I live in Texas where it will be 80 today! 😛

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