Why I’m Proud To Be A Canadian Loser.

While it’s true that other countries aren’t exactly getting in line to poach my citizenship, I could always emigrate to some other foreign power – but I never will.

If I’m going to be a loser (yes, I’m in full self-deprecating mode) I prefer to do it north of the border, especially during Canada’s year-long 150th birthday celebration. Here’s why.

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ONE)  Workin’ Moms.  Yes, this is going to be a highly-personal and subjective list. (My blog, my rules.)  The truth is, Workin’ Moms is the best thing to happen to the CBC – and Canadian television – in a long time. This show has taken Canada’s network – which many critics have claimed was in danger of flat lining – and given it a shot of comedy cocaine Adrenalin right to the ole ticker.

Workin’ Moms is bold. There were completely-bare boobies onscreen in the first few minutes! Yes, you read that right… there were bare breasts on Canadian television at 9:30 on a Tuesday and they had nothing to do with a David Suzuki documentary.

Workin’ Moms is fearless. The F-bomb was dropped. The words “tits” was unleashed. Post-partum depression was a major plot point.

Workin’ Moms is innovative. The pilot featured the most creative use of a breast pump in the history of Canadian TV.

Workin’ Moms (in case you forgot the title) gives a hack like me hope that the CBC may actually be ready for a show like The Bellman Chronicles. Of course, I know it’ll never come to pass, but hope springs eternal and without shows like Workin’ Mom I’d be in my garage huffin’ exhaust fumes all the time instead just twice a week.

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TWO)  Controversy.  A calm, flat political/pop culture landscape is boring as hell. Fortunately, my home and native land has plenty of individuals who are willing to shake things up – mostly by accident.

Conrad Black is a convicted criminal and the greatest blowhard this country has ever produced. This guy’s no longer even a citizen but that doesn’t stop him from telling the rest of us how to run our nation. You gotta love it.

Kevin O’Leary has been a Dragon, a Shark and now, if we’re lucky, he may become a politician. One can only hope he throws his uber-expensive hat in the political ring. People are already calling him “Canada’s Trump”, but at the end of the day he has plenty to offer. Never underestimate the value of a loose cannon when pointed in the right direction, kids.

Canada’s current Prime Minister, young Justin Trudeau, is well on his way to becoming one of this country’s most polarizing leaders. Between all the selfies, glaring conflicts of interests masked as vacations with a Khan (not the Star Trek one) and selling out provincial leaders during town halls, Prime Minister Trudeau has kept political pundits busy. Good for him.

Canadians are all nice and boring? Yeah, right…

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THREE)  All of you! Being a Canadian blogger means few virtual feuds and plenty of friends/followers. I’ve had the pleasure/honor of communicating with some of the coolest souls on the planet through this blog and Twitter and every single one of them has influenced me in some way. If any of you ever need a kidney, I know a guy in Ottawa…

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FOUR)  People love Canadians.  There’s no simpler way of putting it. Canadian travelers don’t plaster maple leaf stickers all over their luggage by accident; Canucks are revered for their decency, genuine niceness and of course, our bacon. The turh is, chicks dig us, especially in Europe. Of course, many Americans think we’re all ice skating, igloo-dwelling, polar bear hugging schmucks who end every sentence with “eh?”… but we’re cool with that.

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FIVE) Tim Hortons town hall meetings.  If you ever find yourself in my country and want to really get the lay of the land, find the nearest Timmies, order a double-double, find a comfy seat with a bird’s eye view of the action and sit back and observe Canadians in their natural habitat.

Canucks love their Timmies,, it’s true – but they love sitting in Timmies while bitching about everything from how bad the Toronto Maple Leafs suck (two hundred on a scale of one to ten) to the government’s latest inane tax grab (the newest one, a carbon tax, is particularly disgusting and incomprehensible). Granted, most Canucks rarely do anything about the things that bother them the most (but they’ll burn Timmies to the ground if the server screws up their order). Still, we can bitch and moan with the best of them.

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SIX)  Canadians are very polite.  Some – mostly Americans –  view this as a weakness.

It isn’t.

Sure, we’ll still kick you in the nuts if you disrespect our culture or grab our fries or beer, but we’ll say, “Sorry I had to do that, but you grabbed my fries and beer while disrespecting Stompin’ Tom Connors… so I had no choice.” afterwards.

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SEVEN)  The possibilities.  My country may seem simple on the surface but Canada is like a still pond: Skim a rock across the surface and the ripples will extend for miles and underneath? Well, underneath the shimmering surface is where the real action is.

So look deeper when examining Canada and you’ll be amazed at what you find. In fact, there’s so much to explore and say about my home and native land that I can only cover so much in one post.

In other words, see you in the lobby and across the highways and byways of the Great White North, kids…

ooda8h9

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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43 Responses to Why I’m Proud To Be A Canadian Loser.

  1. charflew23 says:

    Hook, I’m pleased to be following your antics both on twitter & here on your blog. I am one of those “coolest people” (I hope so;) you’re pretty awesome yourself.

  2. Natasha says:

    Your Prime Minister makes me want to be Canadian. You also have snow. I’d love to see some snow! 🙂

  3. nbratscott says:

    You’ve got a convert here! I’ve even convinced Mrs. Nbrat to take a short vacation to the falls this year. Now I have to tell her we need to be on the Canadian side! BTW-I once lead the singing of “Oh Canada” with Bernie Parent at the opening of a Kiwanis Club meeting!!

  4. Tara says:

    You definitely make me want to visit Canada again (this time, as an Adult). And I really want to see Working Moms. Forgive my naivete, but how do us south of the border folks get to see these shows? I still haven’t seen MM yet (please don’t stone me).

    • The Hook says:

      I’d never stone you, Tara… you’re one of my faves!
      I guess you could always try YouTube or one of the free TV sites out there.
      I think the Alibi or Ovation networks in the States carry MM.

  5. renxkyoko says:

    I wish to be Canadian, because Trump, darn it.

  6. colemining says:

    My fellow Canadian. I agree with much of this post (loving Workin’ Moms – CBC is knocking it out of the park, lately. Schitt’s Creek is freakin’ hilarious. And I loved Kim’s Convenience, too), I have to respectfully differ on a few points.

    O’Leary will be the WORST thing to happen to Canadian politics since we got rid of that crack-smoking mayor. We do NOT need our own version of reality idiot-turned politician.

    I do not enjoy Tim Hortons. There. I said it.

    Other than that, I concur completely. WE ROCK!

    Great post, Hookey!

  7. Canada is the land of cool individualists. (Although I have met/known a few really obnoxious and rude ones…they were not in Canada at the time, so maybe they had been expelled or were going through withdrawal or something.) Generally, hockey or no, great place and great people …such as yourself.

  8. Rosemary says:

    A few years back the health organization I work for hired a young neurosurgeon from Canada. She came in, all fresh-faced and polite, and totally stood the “boys” on their ears. Loved it! That being said, God knows why, I am forwarding this to my husband. He has recovered from his skillet bashing, and now that his eyes aren’t swollen anymore, can read again. Thanks for another great post! — Rosemary

  9. List of X says:

    And, luckily for you, if anything ever doesn’t work out with being a Canadian, you could just walk across the bridge to the US. Chances of Canada becoming worse than the US are minuscule, but it’s good to have your options open.

  10. I have been to Canada on several occasions.. including Niagara Falls (both sides) It is indeed a lovely country with lovely people and a lovely river with pretty falls and lovely TV Shows (love MM) 🙂 who WOULDN’T want to live there?? Maybe when I win the lottery, I will buy a house I can stay in during the summer! 😉

  11. So funny, Hook. As a native of Detroit and a worker on the farms of Sarnia, I loved this. Too bad you don’t drink because another great point is the 12% ale like Moosehead or Molson. In my youth I was particularly fond of Players Navy Cut smokes and the parties with the other workers at the farm. Many fond memories of Canada.

  12. Doug in Oakland says:

    Sesquicentennial. See, I knew the word for it.
    I believe Canadians are unfairly maligned for being nice, because I believe that manners are not optional fripperies about which fork to use, but instead are a tool to be employed in keeping the homicide rate down as the population density goes up.

  13. Mark Myers says:

    I’d like to have a smoked meat sandwich from Schwartz’s Deli in Montreal every day of the week and twice on leap year (if you have that up there). That, my boring Canadian friend, is Canadian food!

  14. Hilarious and deep insights.
    And yeah, your blog your rules. 🙂

  15. Only been to Canada once, and I loved it. They liked me too, since I’m not, and don’t sound, American

  16. I’m totally not cool (according to my kids) but I love reading cool blogs like yours. I have never met a Canadian I haven’t liked. I’ve never actually met a ‘live’ Canadian, but their (and your) blogs reveal wonderful sincere funny nice people! 😘

  17. I’m cool? Well I’m pretty sure my kids will wholeheartedly disagree with you, but they love me, which is enough. Love your blog and interacting with you on Twitter, keep up the good work, Mr. Terrible Hook.

  18. umashankar says:

    It is not a coincidence that I’ve been looking deeper ever since I’ve been hooked to your blog. The other person from that beery-icy land I am crazy about is Margaret Atwood.

  19. tunisiajolyn84 says:

    “Of course, many Americans think we’re all ice skating, igloo-dwelling, polar bear hugging schmucks who end every sentence with ‘eh?'” As an American, this is very true and this is why I am so tempted to move there tomorrow.

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