Silent Sunday: On This Blessed Day…

I wish you nothing but peace, joy and love.

Unless, of course, you’re a hotel guest who stiffed me at some point. In that case, you can burn in the fiery pits of H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks. And if you’re someone who has abused an animal, a human being or any of society’s values this year, I hope Krampus pays you a visit and uses your entrails for a belt. Oh, and if you’re a Kardashian, a Trump or a celebrity who has no idea how blessed you are to have achieved your station in life, I hope you gain some perspective and turn over a new leaf in the new year.

And if you don’t, I hope you lose it all. Trust me, you will not enjoy working for minimum wage.

But other than that… I wish you nothing but peace, joy and love.

And so does Chelsea:

“Am I getting paid for this, Hook?”

One last thing: as a boy I didn’t have many true friends (you’re shocked, right?) and it took me some time to grow into the self-assured, devastatingly-cool soul you meet every time you log onto this blog.

But that would never have happened without my family and of course, my friends, both in this realm and the so-called real one. For a broken teenager who once considered consigning himself to the void for reasons this adult can scarcely remember, I turned out all right.

But I had a lot of help.

See you in the lobby, kids…