The Hook, A Hooker And A Cat Named lucky.

Hypothetical Sunday Morning Situation:

Hypothetical Location: The Bell Desk.

Cci-QcBUMAAvgfJIf only I had this option…

KARDASHIAN CLONE:  I need a trolly thingie! For my luggages!

HYPOTHETICAL ME:  (HYPO ME for short)  I’m sorry, miss (I really wasn’t) but we don’t give out carts to guests. I’d be more than happy to help you though. (I really wouldn’t have been.)

KC:  That sucks! All the best hotels let you do it yourself!

HYPO ME:  Really? The best hotels make you work like a dog for minimum wage? They make you load a dozen impossibly-heavy bags onto carts designed for eight reasonably-sized bags? They make you work all year long at a job you most likely hate that pays a laughable wage which you have to use to make sure the kids have clothes on their little backs, the bills are paid and you’re not living on the street? The best hotels forget you’re not supposed to be working while on vacation? Do they do all that?

KC:  Uh… I don’t think so. But I don’t have any kids and (her voice became a throaty whisper) besides, I’m an escort… so my bills are paid in a weekend!

HYPO ME:  All right… well, while I appreciate your honesty (especially since I have a blog) but I still can’t give you a cart.

KC:  (After a moment of pondering.)  All right! You’re pretty damn funny for a bell guy!

HYPO ME:  And you’re pretty damn perceptive…

KC:  For an escort?

HYPO ME:  For a lovely lady.

KC:  Aww…

In the end, she got her luggages brought down, I got tipped large (further proof that my particular set of people skills are as sharp as ever) and believe it or not, the day only became stranger from there.

Speaking of which…

DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU’RE A HARDCORE CAT PERSON.

During the wee early hours of the Sunday morning check-out rush, a pick-up truck pulled onto the valet deck and shut it’s engine off.

A dead cat then fell from one of the wheelwells onto the deck.

For the uninitiated: Felines will often sleep on the engine blocks of vehicles in order to stay warm. This particular cat (who I’m willing to bet was named “Lucky”) engaged in that practice and used up all it’s nine lives in the process.

Rest in peace, Lucky.

Well, that was my Sunday morning – hypothetically. How was yours?

See you in the lobby, kids…

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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24 Responses to The Hook, A Hooker And A Cat Named lucky.

  1. 1jaded1 says:

    OMG about the cat. Wbat a day hypo you had. Just when you think you’ve seen it all.

  2. Your Sunday morning hypos outrock my Sundays all day
    .

  3. Paul says:

    Cool post Hook! Yeah, cats on engine blocks are a problem – so sad. Here’s one similar and sadder. It is not unheard of for illegal immigrants to hide in the wheel welsl of airplanes before they take off – on the misassumption that air and temperature on the ground is the same as in the air. At 30,000 feet without enough air to breathe they suffocate which is good because the temperature is -70C at 30K. When the plane comes in for a landing and deploys the landing gear, the frozen corpse drops out from the sky. Have a nice day!

  4. Good post. I have to stand in awe at your ability to go from hooker to dead feline and make it work. Applause, applause.

  5. Marion Elizabeth Hardy says:

    Only you could make me laugh about a dead cat!!

  6. Cats really are too dumb for their own good.

  7. Tara says:

    I can only wish my Sunday morning had as much joy in it. Bumpy is putting it nicely. Glad you’re sharing more hypothetical stories… I love to escape into the world of fantasy. 🙂

  8. curvyroads says:

    Hypothetically you’re very funny, sir! I’m glad the K clone properly rewarded you in the end! Bummer for the cat. Cheers!

  9. umashankar says:

    I hate cats dying, way too bad for an omen. The Sunday just did a dead cat to me! Guess its time for a Kardashian clone…

  10. Hypo you is very clever…I think real you is, too.
    Poor kitty.

  11. Purpleanais says:

    Your posts are hilarious. Even though I love cats 😦

  12. Couldn’t you have managed to go out and find a real full-size trolley and tell her it was waiting for her at the front door? That would have rung the bell, guy. Geesch. I thought the customer was always right.
    That incident was a warning against cat napping, for sure. Not healthy.

  13. tunisiajolyn84 says:

    Hahaha … Why does this sound completely normal to me? How random am I? lol Oh wait… I worked in retail before so yes, this would be normal to me.

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