The Hook: Ambiguous Blogger.

In a society where everyone with an electronic portal is pinning, tweeting, posting, Instagramming and sharing every facet of their daily lives from their bowel movements to their post-coital selfies, ambiguity is hard to come by.

But there are those of us who still utilize it.

As much as we can, of course.

giphy

Sure, people know my name (both of them), they know where I live (the city, at least), they know what I do to put overpriced bread on the table but there are still some situations involving The Hook that are anything but black and white. As writers the golden rule is to show the reader the story not just tell them a tale, but in my world the circumstances are all that matter. You don’t need to know if a traveler is black, white or purple (don’t laugh, it happens). A traveler’s specifications are irrelevant unless they directly influence my interaction with them.

Some situations are so vague, so common (in my world, at least) that they could never be possibly tied to any one individual.

Thank Dog for that.

For example…

GUEST OF INDETERMINATE FEATURES WHO COULD BE ANYONE FROM ANYWHERE:  (While approaching my desk on a day of the week.)  Hey, Boss! Could I have one of those things that people put luggages on?

ME:  You mean a small child? Many people use their children as pack-horses.

MR. WHO?:  (Giggling uncomfortably.)  No, uh…

ME:  Do you mean a wheelchair? I’m sure Grandpa could crawl or limp through the lobby…

MR. WHO?:  (Chuckling lightly.)  No, those things people use to move their baggages!

ME:  You mean strollers? Because Little Timmy or Janey could ride on Grandpa’s back while he’s crawling…

MR. WHO?:  (Starting to crack.)  No man! I need one of those things people use to transport their baggage!

ME:  You mean therapists? People use them to make their issues… their “baggage” if you will, go away.

MR. WHO?:  (Breaking into a bout of raucous laughter.)  Oh man, you’re something else, buddy! Funniest damn bellboy ever!

ME:  I try, sir. Some people around here wish I wouldn’t, but…

MR. WHO?:  Well, those people are wrong, man! This is the most fun I’ve ever had in a hotel! Well, except for Vegas… but we had hookers and blow there!

ME:  I would never try to compete with hookers and blow, sir, but I am The Hook, so…

MR. WHO?:  You’re a pirate? Or is your junk curved?

ME:  Neither, sir. My last name is Hookey, so –

MR. WHO?:  Oh, that’s boring! What about my bags?

ME:  Where’s your mini-van parked, sir? I’ll send someone out to you.

MR. WHO?:  How’d you know I had a mini-van?

ME:  My powers are vast, sir.

MR. WHO?:  I’ll say! So you’ll send someone like you out to get my bags?

ME:  There is no one like me, sir… but yes.

And that, kids, is how you write a “private” post about a public interaction. How’d I do?

See you around, social media munchkins…

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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22 Responses to The Hook: Ambiguous Blogger.

  1. shimoniac says:

    Nicely ambiguous whoever you are. 😀

  2. Perfect! Absolutely perfect.
    Your powers are vast 🙂

  3. Chapeau, my friend! 🙂

  4. Tara says:

    I’d never compete with hookers and blow. HAH! I needed this, this morning.
    (Not the hookers and blow – the giggle.)

  5. Theresa says:

    Perfect Hook! I think you may have found a way around your work “restrictions”. Good job!

  6. Minivans. They carry the baggage of the world in so many ways.
    Have a great week, Hook

  7. List of X says:

    Can you actually write a private post while still using your last name? 🙂
    Next time they ask why you’re named “the Hook”, why not respond “I’m what will keep you coming back to this hotel”? 🙂

  8. Archon's Den says:

    I am vaguely impressed. 😆

  9. 1jaded1 says:

    I love you to infinity. No ambiguity there.

  10. Paul says:

    Ha! Well done Hook.

  11. curvyroads says:

    Awesome ambiguity, Robert! Keep up the good work, sir 🙂

  12. Doug in Oakland says:

    Ambiguity shmambiguity, you (as we Americans like to say) knocked it out of the park.

  13. I had to laugh out loud at the “van” part. Of course the guy had a van. Cup holders and all. You did great!!!!

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